Tonight I had aspirations of spending the night alone. I planned to come home from work, pick up a ready meal and spend the night watching tv and indulging in my latest novel. My mum was invited to a friends 60th birthday party and my dad is throwing a "boxing party". He purchased the much anticipated fight between David Haye and Audley Harrison and my dear husband and brothers are all overjoyed to watch grown men hit each other until one falls over or gives up.
I had better hopes for my evening but as usual, they were dashed. After finishing a long day at work, got to love retail, I called home to find that not only was everyone still there but nobody had thought to get anything for dinner. In my household, preparing dinner is never easy, simply because my mother is a fussy eater. She doesn't eat any of the meals that are easy and quick to prepare after along day. Nor does she eat Chicken or Pasta or Mexican food which is well loved by everyone else. In the end I made a prawn and a chicken stir fry (no chicken for mother, obviously), which I am not ashamed to say was delish!
Eventually, my brother and husband went off to my dads and I was two down, one to go. In fact, as I write my mother is sitting on the other end of the couch snoozing, waiting for her friend to collect her so they can go out. Now, maybe it says more about me than it does her. After all, I don't know too many twenty five year olds who are sitting in on a Saturday night reading Catcher in the Rye. My best friend is out in Soho, drinking and dancing and doing things that I haven't done in years. So the fact that my mother has plans to go out at a time of day that to me is bed time, does make me wonder if I've become a bit of a hermit.
I am not uncomfortable with the idea of spending the night alone. Every once in awhile, I like to spend some time alone. I can't explain why, sometimes I can be very extrovert and sometimes I can be an introvert. And it has been a long time since I've been able to sit at home and just relax alone, catch up on my tv shows or sit and read a book uninterrupted. I like that. I do however think that I haven't been social in a long time. I find many reasons for this or maybe I should say excuses. I can blame it on our economic situation, I really can't afford going out somewhere. Club entrance fees, drinks and a taxi back very quickly add up, especially when my husband drinks alcohol like ginger ale. Also, I don't feel like getting dressed up these days. I can't remember the last time I got my hair done, my eyebrows need threading and thanks to my lack of will power, nothing fits! For some reason, when I get my hair done and eyebrows threaded, I can feel like a million bucks! When I don't, well I might as well put a bag over my face because I don't at all feel confident.
I would like to go out more, I used to go out every weekend and I would have a great time with my friends. Now, my circle of friends has become much smaller. I really only have a hand full of friends whom I value greatly but we don't get to get together very often. Life has become more complicated and a lot more expensive! Adam does enjoy going out and once I get there I do too but in the back of my mind I'm worrying about how much we spend. I'm also aware of all the pretty girls in their pretty dresses with their slim figures and I just feel like a blub! I'm so not going to rant about my weight issues though, nothing happens over night and I have to make a focused effort when I have time and money to get a gym membership again.
I'm back to working full time and I'm excited about the pay cheques and using them towards Adam and I making a life for ourselves. We will be moving to TN, where his parents are. They used to live in FL but moved up there earlier this year to live in the mountains. Neither Adam or I have been there but I am excited to see what life will be like, how I will adjust to living in a new place and having to make friends. Of course, before I can even think about that I have to go through the immigration processes, daunting and expensive! We are attempting to start my application in January so that Adam can stay here until I'm approved and then we can go together. I hope that 2011 will be a completely different year for us, as individuals and as a couple. I hope that we can have a home of our own and continue to grow together as a couple. I would like to get our marriage blessed and have Adams parents there to witness. I hope that Adam finds a wonderful job that he is proud of, I am always aware of how difficult it is for him to be my husband but be unable to provide financially. But when he despairs over it, I remind him that he provides for me in so many other ways. I know, without a doubt, that I couldn't and wouldn't be the person I am today without his constant love and support. I do have a good man.
Finally, at 23:40, my mother is out the door with her friends. I cannot imagine just leaving to go out now, especially when it is cold outside. Did I mention that she's wearing heels...I can't recall the last time I wore heels. Well, finally the house is quiet, all except for my typing and the whirl of the tumble drier. Time to put my feet up, eat a mini chocolate swiss role and watch How I Met Your Mother before bed. Good night all xx
REPOST ADDITION: Exactly 8 minutes after my mum walks out the door and I have the house to myself, my husband and brother return! So much for some alone time...would it be crazy of me to one day get a hotel room just so I could have some time alone!?!
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Chumps and Husbands
Chumps always make the best husbands...All the unhappy marriages come from the husbands having brains.
P.G. Woodhouse
The Adventures of Sally (1920)
I came across the above quote and found it humorous, only because it is exactly the kind of quote that my husband would hate!
It has been a few days since I've blogged now, I suppose it is true to say that life gets in the way but it is also the fact that I often find that I do not have much to write about. My blog is mostly details of my life as opposed to be a themed blog and at the minute I feel like there isn't much happening. Of course, Adam and I are still in the process of us preparing for me to move Stateside with him, which I am excited about. It was difficult letting my family know, of course they knew we planned to make the move eventually, but the decision was made sooner than most expected. My nephew, bless his heart, said to me "No, you're moving in a few years". Because that is what I've always said and he didn't seem too happy with the idea that a few years had come two years earlier than scheduled.
I'm not sure what my last post was about but Adam is doing OK. He didn't have to have his jaw wired shut, which he is happy about, but he is having difficulties in following the docs orders and sticking to soft foods. He doesn't like the thought of eating just soups and noodles, he's used to eating lots and for him soup just doesn't cut it. So he often cheats and has what the rest of us has, which then results in him being in pain. I'm used to him not listening to my advice, even though it frequently proves to be the right advice, but his not listening to the doctor is just silly. I'm not sure why men have to make everything so much more difficult than in necessary!
We were watching TV tonight and it was basically a show about three families who have a child with special needs. Autism, Downs Syndrome and EB.
It was really emotional to watch because you saw not only these children have pain or face difficulties but you also saw these parents struggle. I cannot imagine what it must be like to know that your child is sick because there was a 1 in 500,000 chance that both you and your partner had the same recessive gene. Or to wonder whether vaccinating your child caused her autism. And of course, to struggle with the decision of whether to continue a pregnancy if you know that your child will be born with special needs. I couldn't imagine and hope I don't have to one day face making a decision like that. And I'm not sure if I could have the strength to take care of a child with special needs, especially if my child would be in constant pain. Perhaps, nobody thinks they would be strong enough until faced with the possibility. Sometimes you can have a perfectly healthy child and an accident leaves them completely dependant upon you for the rest of their life. The one thing I always think about is, what happens when they child becomes an adult but you are no longer around to take care of them? Who could you trust to take care of your child the way you would, could you believe that a friend or distant relative could be as patient as you and not neglect them in anyway? Food for though I guess.
We're hoping to get out the house tomorrow and do a little exploring of London town, but the weather has been so crappy of late, we'll have to see how it goes. And I shall take the time to reflect on my day and attempt to come back with a decent post!
P.G. Woodhouse
The Adventures of Sally (1920)
I came across the above quote and found it humorous, only because it is exactly the kind of quote that my husband would hate!
It has been a few days since I've blogged now, I suppose it is true to say that life gets in the way but it is also the fact that I often find that I do not have much to write about. My blog is mostly details of my life as opposed to be a themed blog and at the minute I feel like there isn't much happening. Of course, Adam and I are still in the process of us preparing for me to move Stateside with him, which I am excited about. It was difficult letting my family know, of course they knew we planned to make the move eventually, but the decision was made sooner than most expected. My nephew, bless his heart, said to me "No, you're moving in a few years". Because that is what I've always said and he didn't seem too happy with the idea that a few years had come two years earlier than scheduled.
I'm not sure what my last post was about but Adam is doing OK. He didn't have to have his jaw wired shut, which he is happy about, but he is having difficulties in following the docs orders and sticking to soft foods. He doesn't like the thought of eating just soups and noodles, he's used to eating lots and for him soup just doesn't cut it. So he often cheats and has what the rest of us has, which then results in him being in pain. I'm used to him not listening to my advice, even though it frequently proves to be the right advice, but his not listening to the doctor is just silly. I'm not sure why men have to make everything so much more difficult than in necessary!
We were watching TV tonight and it was basically a show about three families who have a child with special needs. Autism, Downs Syndrome and EB.
It was really emotional to watch because you saw not only these children have pain or face difficulties but you also saw these parents struggle. I cannot imagine what it must be like to know that your child is sick because there was a 1 in 500,000 chance that both you and your partner had the same recessive gene. Or to wonder whether vaccinating your child caused her autism. And of course, to struggle with the decision of whether to continue a pregnancy if you know that your child will be born with special needs. I couldn't imagine and hope I don't have to one day face making a decision like that. And I'm not sure if I could have the strength to take care of a child with special needs, especially if my child would be in constant pain. Perhaps, nobody thinks they would be strong enough until faced with the possibility. Sometimes you can have a perfectly healthy child and an accident leaves them completely dependant upon you for the rest of their life. The one thing I always think about is, what happens when they child becomes an adult but you are no longer around to take care of them? Who could you trust to take care of your child the way you would, could you believe that a friend or distant relative could be as patient as you and not neglect them in anyway? Food for though I guess.
We're hoping to get out the house tomorrow and do a little exploring of London town, but the weather has been so crappy of late, we'll have to see how it goes. And I shall take the time to reflect on my day and attempt to come back with a decent post!
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Turn your lights down low
This one I like because it's all the men in my life, though my Dad isn't in the picture he's taking it.
My family. Brothers and dad along the back, mum on the right. Sister and BFF in the purple and my BFFs mum looking at her camera
Adam and I and my parents.
I've just been looking through my wedding pictures online, looking at them and remembering that day makes me smile. I think for the some time, I was unable to appreciate how special the day was because it wasn't "the wedding of my dreams". We didn't have much money and had to make things work as best we could. My dad did the photographs (as he is a professional photographer) my best friends mum made our wedding cakes and my mum made the food. It was a registry office ceremony, then back to ours for food and drink. We didn't have a traditional first dance and I didn't throw my bouquet, I didn't wear white (though for the record I could have!). But for all the things we could have done differently with more money, my wedding day was truly special. Primarily because it was the start of Adam and I making a life together, but also because I had all of my family and close friends there. All happy for us, celebrating with us. And though I wasn't slim and I didn't remember to retouch my makeup throughout the day, it was such a wonderful day. The only thing I would change, would be to have Adams parents there. Due to financial restraints coupled with the fact that Adams mom has never flown before, they weren't able to make it. But I do hope that once we're settled in America we can have our wedding vows blessed and they can be present then.
Thank you for your kind words and prayers for Adam. Right now my husband is haunted. He lay awake last night crippled by rage. He finds it very difficult to believe that the police will find or do anything about the group who attacked him. They do live in our neighbourhood, he has seen them before and in all likelihood, he will see them again. This is where my fear comes in, because with a broken jaw it doesn't take a hard hit to make it worse. Of course there is the fear that they might have weapons next time. And ultimately the fear that if he does come across them again, in that moment common sense will leave him and he will instead lash out in anger. It is such a tense situation right now.
Nothing is helped by the fact that the hospital have done nothing at all to help him. After all the hours we spent at A&E, he left only with painkillers, the same ones I was given by my GP when I had Piles. The doctor told us on Sunday that we could receive a phone call the following day so that he could meet with the specialist who would decide what to do. Monday came and went and they didn't call. I tried calling all afternoon and didn't get anyone who could help. When I called again today, the receptionist couldn't find the file on the system. It turns out that the doctors are supposed to email the receptionist and let her know who to contact, except the doctor hadn't done that. She went to track him down and said she could make an appointment for next week Monday. This is just for the consultation, not for any procedure which would need to be done. I explained that Monday is not good enough, he is in more pain as he heard something crack and he is barely able to eat. So tomorrow we go in as an emergency to see the consultant.
My feelings towards my own country have soured greatly. It's not that I don't read stories on the news about crime and bad hospital treatment, I do, it is just different when it is someone you know and love. I cannot understand a system where it is acceptable to leave someone for this amount of time with a broken jaw. In pain and unable to eat properly. Sometimes, he wakes in the night because he rolls onto the broken side of his face. I could very easily right now, rant about how badly this system is overused and understaffed. About how this country is in decline because of a socialist system that takes from those who contribute and gives to those who don't. But I won't, because on Politics, I am pretty much a tube of Pringles. Once I pop, I don't stop. I will say though that lately my political affiliations have begun to shift, as I don't think that governments are really recognising the problems in societies. And when that happens and average people feel like their problems are being ignored, that's when extremist parties take hold. We're already seeing it in the rest of Europe and The Tea Party in America are starting to overshadow moderate Republicans. I honestly think its about time that government wakes up, but also time that individuals wake up and start taking control of their lives. It isn't up to the government or schools to raise children and instill in them what is right and wrong, it is up to the parents. Too many people don't know how to parent, some because they are children themselves. But if we don't start raising the future generation correctly, then there isn't any hope for the world, let alone our countries!
WOW, for someone who wasn't going to talk politics, I sure did talk a lot of politics! lol!
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Accident and Emergency at 3am
Please note, I'm too exhausted to proof read before posting. Sorry xx
I spent the best half of this morning in the A&E (accident and emergency), arriving at 3am, just in time to witness the horrors. It's not often that I go to the hospital and rarely ever to A&E and never during the early hours of the morning.
Adam was assulted at around 2am this morning, he was on his way to the store (why he was out at that time, whilst I was sleeping with the rest of civilisation, I don't know. We discussed that already), when a group of teens confronted him and one of them hit him. He was knocked to the ground which caused some bruising, but the punch itself broke his jaw in two places.
He came home and woke me up with the news, which is NOT the best way he's ever woken me up before. Threw on some clothes, called a taxi and went to the hospital.
I know that America is currently working on a national healthcare system, similar to Europe and Canada. And whilst I honestly think that it is a disgrace that there are some Americans living below the poverty line, who have no healthcare at all, our NHS is not the dream some imagine it to be. Whist it means seeing a doctor when you need one and eventually getting any surgery you might need, the treatment you receive it not nearly as good as it should be. And you'll find that most people who can afford it, have some form of private insurance.
The scene in A&E was like nothing I'd ever seen before, lot's of drunk bleeding people. There was a few junkards girlies walking around in the short skirts, making lot's of noise. No bleeding there, not sure what was wrong with them. There was a guy with a swollen black eye which had a cut along the top which needed gluing, story there; he went to stop a fight and some guys walked up to him and punched him in the face. They had a "drunk area" where they had a few down and outs, sitting in wheelchairs sleeping off their booze, one of them apparently fell into the road to sleep there and the police brought him in. There were two guys who were walking home from a night out, eating their kebabs, when a car pulled up. Four Polish guys jumped out and started wailing on them with poles and screwdrivers, didn't know them from anywhere. According to the police, the same man had randomly attacked someone else earlier that night. Then of course, there were people with broken legs, broken fingers, temperatures, head injuries, digusting coughs. There was a somewhat drunk man in a Danger Mouse costume...not sure what he was about, he ended up leaving before being seen by the Dr. Anyway, then there was Adam and I and his broken jaw.
Now, I don't want to appear snobbish, but I didn't feel like I belonged in that waiting room. Not because I think I'm better than any of those people, but to be sitting there because my husband had a broken jaw is insane. I don't really go out in the evenings and if I do, I'm usually home by midnight at the latest. In London, it is true to say that after a certain time, nothing good can come from being out on the streets. There are little punk gangs of kids who go around causing trouble, mugging and assulting people. Adam and I have talked about it constantly, he has a tendancy to roam which I do not like.
We sat and waited for hours, saw one nurse and two doctors, only to be told that we had to wait for a phone call and return on Monday. His jaw is broken, but it is up to the senior facial doctors at the hospital to decide how to proceed. It is broken in two places, so it is in three part and whilst he's not keen on the idea, it will most likely be wired shut. We got to see the x-rays, which was rather cool and the breaks were very clear.
Emotionally, this has been one of the worst experiences we've had together. Knife crime is rife in this city and so I'm just so glad that nothing worse happened to him. The fear of knowing that I could be sleeping in bed and he could be bleeding out somewhere is too distressing to allow myself to fully imagine. Since he's been here, we've just been trying to make a life here with no success. Adam hasn't been able to find a decent job and money is tight. This incident today, really is the final straw. I told Adam that we're leaving, we're going to sort out my visa application so that we can move to America. I'm hoping that nothing will happen to deny my visa, because then we really will be screwed. No clue where we'll live if that happens!
We went to the police today and he gave a statement. They said they'll review the CCTV footage in the area and contact him. It's just all so insane, I know there is a word I'm thinking of to describe how unreal this all feels, but I can't recall it at the moment. It just is so unexpected and the emotional rollercoaster is intense.
So, my halloween...my husband got his draw broken, spent the day in A&E, missed work, decided to move to America. The only down side is that I'll have to drop out of school and I'll miss my niece and nephew, but I don't want anything to happen to my husband and I'm tired of feeling like our life together hasn't started because we're constantly struggling to get by.
I spent the best half of this morning in the A&E (accident and emergency), arriving at 3am, just in time to witness the horrors. It's not often that I go to the hospital and rarely ever to A&E and never during the early hours of the morning.
Adam was assulted at around 2am this morning, he was on his way to the store (why he was out at that time, whilst I was sleeping with the rest of civilisation, I don't know. We discussed that already), when a group of teens confronted him and one of them hit him. He was knocked to the ground which caused some bruising, but the punch itself broke his jaw in two places.
He came home and woke me up with the news, which is NOT the best way he's ever woken me up before. Threw on some clothes, called a taxi and went to the hospital.
I know that America is currently working on a national healthcare system, similar to Europe and Canada. And whilst I honestly think that it is a disgrace that there are some Americans living below the poverty line, who have no healthcare at all, our NHS is not the dream some imagine it to be. Whist it means seeing a doctor when you need one and eventually getting any surgery you might need, the treatment you receive it not nearly as good as it should be. And you'll find that most people who can afford it, have some form of private insurance.
The scene in A&E was like nothing I'd ever seen before, lot's of drunk bleeding people. There was a few junkards girlies walking around in the short skirts, making lot's of noise. No bleeding there, not sure what was wrong with them. There was a guy with a swollen black eye which had a cut along the top which needed gluing, story there; he went to stop a fight and some guys walked up to him and punched him in the face. They had a "drunk area" where they had a few down and outs, sitting in wheelchairs sleeping off their booze, one of them apparently fell into the road to sleep there and the police brought him in. There were two guys who were walking home from a night out, eating their kebabs, when a car pulled up. Four Polish guys jumped out and started wailing on them with poles and screwdrivers, didn't know them from anywhere. According to the police, the same man had randomly attacked someone else earlier that night. Then of course, there were people with broken legs, broken fingers, temperatures, head injuries, digusting coughs. There was a somewhat drunk man in a Danger Mouse costume...not sure what he was about, he ended up leaving before being seen by the Dr. Anyway, then there was Adam and I and his broken jaw.
Now, I don't want to appear snobbish, but I didn't feel like I belonged in that waiting room. Not because I think I'm better than any of those people, but to be sitting there because my husband had a broken jaw is insane. I don't really go out in the evenings and if I do, I'm usually home by midnight at the latest. In London, it is true to say that after a certain time, nothing good can come from being out on the streets. There are little punk gangs of kids who go around causing trouble, mugging and assulting people. Adam and I have talked about it constantly, he has a tendancy to roam which I do not like.
We sat and waited for hours, saw one nurse and two doctors, only to be told that we had to wait for a phone call and return on Monday. His jaw is broken, but it is up to the senior facial doctors at the hospital to decide how to proceed. It is broken in two places, so it is in three part and whilst he's not keen on the idea, it will most likely be wired shut. We got to see the x-rays, which was rather cool and the breaks were very clear.
Emotionally, this has been one of the worst experiences we've had together. Knife crime is rife in this city and so I'm just so glad that nothing worse happened to him. The fear of knowing that I could be sleeping in bed and he could be bleeding out somewhere is too distressing to allow myself to fully imagine. Since he's been here, we've just been trying to make a life here with no success. Adam hasn't been able to find a decent job and money is tight. This incident today, really is the final straw. I told Adam that we're leaving, we're going to sort out my visa application so that we can move to America. I'm hoping that nothing will happen to deny my visa, because then we really will be screwed. No clue where we'll live if that happens!
We went to the police today and he gave a statement. They said they'll review the CCTV footage in the area and contact him. It's just all so insane, I know there is a word I'm thinking of to describe how unreal this all feels, but I can't recall it at the moment. It just is so unexpected and the emotional rollercoaster is intense.
So, my halloween...my husband got his draw broken, spent the day in A&E, missed work, decided to move to America. The only down side is that I'll have to drop out of school and I'll miss my niece and nephew, but I don't want anything to happen to my husband and I'm tired of feeling like our life together hasn't started because we're constantly struggling to get by.
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
My babies from another mother
It has been some time since I've updated. And really I'm going to be lazy and make this mostly a picture entry, just because I'm tired!
Today I went to my creative writing classes then came home to prepare for the arrival of my nephew and niece. Since they're on half term I thought I'd have them round to spend the afternoon watching movies and carving pumpkins. It's not really something that is commonly done in the UK but Uncle Adam is having an American influence on us. Halloween is his favourite holiday, over CHRISTMAS even! And though the kids were excited for the finished product, they didn't exactly enjoy scouping the insides out, refusing to get their hands dirty!
Of course, she's only three and she can't do very much with a plastic spork, but it makes her feel like she's doing it!
At five, he really takes it seriously. He and Adam have a lot in common in regards to movie tastes and the discovery channel, but when they clash...watch out!
The finished products!
They look even better with the light off!
I'm utterly exhausted and the only reason I'm up now is because Adam is still making his spanish vocab cards and so I can't sleep. I would like to do a proper entry tomorrow, but just in case, don't hold me to it. It would be nice to get myself back into the notion of serious pleasure writing, as opposed to assigned writing. It's a good thing I've got next week off school for "enrichment" (more on that tomorrow...maybe).
Spending time with these kids always reminds me that as much as I want kids, I'm SO NOT ready. We don't have the time or the money and I still want more alone time with my husband. But still, it's hard when they're so cute and say the silliest things. I'm certain that my niece is crazy and my nephew has an endless reel of silly jokes.
Have you heard the one about the French cats and the English cats?
There is a french man with three cats and an english man with three cats.
The french cats are called un, deux, trois and the english cats are called one, two, three.
They decide to let their cats have a swimming race.
Do you know who won?
The French cats you say,
NOPE!
Cause Un, Deux, Trois, CAT SANK! lol!
It's kid silly. Still, if I don't have to sing Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes for a couple days, I won't be crying.
Today I went to my creative writing classes then came home to prepare for the arrival of my nephew and niece. Since they're on half term I thought I'd have them round to spend the afternoon watching movies and carving pumpkins. It's not really something that is commonly done in the UK but Uncle Adam is having an American influence on us. Halloween is his favourite holiday, over CHRISTMAS even! And though the kids were excited for the finished product, they didn't exactly enjoy scouping the insides out, refusing to get their hands dirty!
Of course, she's only three and she can't do very much with a plastic spork, but it makes her feel like she's doing it!
At five, he really takes it seriously. He and Adam have a lot in common in regards to movie tastes and the discovery channel, but when they clash...watch out!
The finished products!
They look even better with the light off!
I'm utterly exhausted and the only reason I'm up now is because Adam is still making his spanish vocab cards and so I can't sleep. I would like to do a proper entry tomorrow, but just in case, don't hold me to it. It would be nice to get myself back into the notion of serious pleasure writing, as opposed to assigned writing. It's a good thing I've got next week off school for "enrichment" (more on that tomorrow...maybe).
Spending time with these kids always reminds me that as much as I want kids, I'm SO NOT ready. We don't have the time or the money and I still want more alone time with my husband. But still, it's hard when they're so cute and say the silliest things. I'm certain that my niece is crazy and my nephew has an endless reel of silly jokes.
Have you heard the one about the French cats and the English cats?
There is a french man with three cats and an english man with three cats.
The french cats are called un, deux, trois and the english cats are called one, two, three.
They decide to let their cats have a swimming race.
Do you know who won?
The French cats you say,
NOPE!
Cause Un, Deux, Trois, CAT SANK! lol!
It's kid silly. Still, if I don't have to sing Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes for a couple days, I won't be crying.
Sunday, 17 October 2010
Acceptance, Courage, Wisdom
It has been a rather long weekend for me, between work and school work I'm just about pooped. And silly me decided to have myself a relaxing glass of wine with dinner on Friday night, one turned into three and then I woke up with a nice headache which lasted the whole of Saturday. What happened to the days when I could drink and dance all night long? Did my youth abandon me?
Tonight Adam and I watched a show called "Catch It, Kill It, Eat It", they had some young Cows which they turned into Veal. I know there are a lot of people who don't eat Veal because there is a great deal of controversy regarding the living conditions of the Cows beforehand. Now, I have eaten Veal before, actually on more than one occassion. When I was in America, Adam and I went out for dinner with his parents and they recommended the Veal Parmigiana. I didn't know what Veal was, I remember Adam and I having a conversation where I earnestly said "Isn't Veal a baby Seal?", He hasn't let me live it down.
After watching the show tonight, I didn't actually watch all of it, after seeing two young cows being killed, I left the room. It was horrible, the realities of what animals go through would probably put most of us off eating meat, no matter how much we love it. They stun the cows first, the idea being so that they don't feel anything. I think maybe more so they don't run anywhere. Then hang them upside down from their leg, then slit their throat. The blood was horrid, it came gushing out. And they essentially bleed to death, because despite being stunned you can still see them moving some. It was horrible, just horrible. I cannot begin to express it. And it instantly made me want to go back to being a vegetarian. Though as Adam pointed out, it isn't really a luxury that we can afford right now. It makes no sense to me how or why it is cheaper to eat junk than it is to eat healthy. And yet almost every Western country is trying to understand their obesity problem.
Life is currently one financial stress after another at the moment, whilst a nice relaxing cruise around the Caribbean would be wonderful, I'd happily settle for my husband finding a good permanent job. Just setting that little prayer out there or up there, heck if it were my birthday I'd wish for it as I blew out my candles. We haven't been in a position yet to save for a rainy day, we're constantly living in the rainy days. Hand to mouth, pay cheque to pay cheque and it would just be nice to get back on our feet and be able to LIVE. We're constantly feeling like our life is passing us by, forgetting that life isn't the dreams we hope of achieving but the day to day struggle we're in right now. One thing that I think of every day without fail is starting a family, my broody button is broken and won't turn off. It's the wrong time and we could never afford it right now, but I get the feeling that I'm missing out on all the things we want because it's a money struggle.
It stresses me out, trying to think of where we're gonna get the money from to pay the next bill. I think about dropping out of school (but I LOVE my course) and going back to work full time, but then what about the future when I don't have the qualifications I need to get the career I desire. It's all such a mess, which is why reading Hannah's blog tonight gave me some encouragement. It reminded me of my favourite poem, Footprints and this verse in particular;
"The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
Tonight Adam and I watched a show called "Catch It, Kill It, Eat It", they had some young Cows which they turned into Veal. I know there are a lot of people who don't eat Veal because there is a great deal of controversy regarding the living conditions of the Cows beforehand. Now, I have eaten Veal before, actually on more than one occassion. When I was in America, Adam and I went out for dinner with his parents and they recommended the Veal Parmigiana. I didn't know what Veal was, I remember Adam and I having a conversation where I earnestly said "Isn't Veal a baby Seal?", He hasn't let me live it down.
After watching the show tonight, I didn't actually watch all of it, after seeing two young cows being killed, I left the room. It was horrible, the realities of what animals go through would probably put most of us off eating meat, no matter how much we love it. They stun the cows first, the idea being so that they don't feel anything. I think maybe more so they don't run anywhere. Then hang them upside down from their leg, then slit their throat. The blood was horrid, it came gushing out. And they essentially bleed to death, because despite being stunned you can still see them moving some. It was horrible, just horrible. I cannot begin to express it. And it instantly made me want to go back to being a vegetarian. Though as Adam pointed out, it isn't really a luxury that we can afford right now. It makes no sense to me how or why it is cheaper to eat junk than it is to eat healthy. And yet almost every Western country is trying to understand their obesity problem.
Life is currently one financial stress after another at the moment, whilst a nice relaxing cruise around the Caribbean would be wonderful, I'd happily settle for my husband finding a good permanent job. Just setting that little prayer out there or up there, heck if it were my birthday I'd wish for it as I blew out my candles. We haven't been in a position yet to save for a rainy day, we're constantly living in the rainy days. Hand to mouth, pay cheque to pay cheque and it would just be nice to get back on our feet and be able to LIVE. We're constantly feeling like our life is passing us by, forgetting that life isn't the dreams we hope of achieving but the day to day struggle we're in right now. One thing that I think of every day without fail is starting a family, my broody button is broken and won't turn off. It's the wrong time and we could never afford it right now, but I get the feeling that I'm missing out on all the things we want because it's a money struggle.
It stresses me out, trying to think of where we're gonna get the money from to pay the next bill. I think about dropping out of school (but I LOVE my course) and going back to work full time, but then what about the future when I don't have the qualifications I need to get the career I desire. It's all such a mess, which is why reading Hannah's blog tonight gave me some encouragement. It reminded me of my favourite poem, Footprints and this verse in particular;
"The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
Thursday, 14 October 2010
I read in the paper that Apple have approved a patent for a system to prevent phone users, especially children, from sending sexually explicit texts; "sexting". Now is it just me or does this sound ridiculous? Though their idea might sound good to some parents out there who don't want their children sending or receiving these kinds of messages, really if your child is sending such messages, doesn't it fall on you to readdress your parenting technique? I think far too often people are forgetting that it is not up to teachers, doctors and now Apple to parent your child. It's up to you, their well being, who they grow up to be is dependant upon the lessons you teach them and the reality you show them. Furthermore, I personally wouldn't want my texts being monitored. Scanned for inappropriate words, that goes just a little too far beyond simple spell checking technology. Will it be monitored to whom I'm sending sexually explicit texts? (I haven't) Shall this technology judge me if I send messages to more than one guy? (Really, I don't send those kinds of messages) Will it let my husband know that I attempted to send a "sext" if we share the same account? (I've never sent those kinds of texts...Me thinks the lady doth protest too much!...No really, I haven't).
Today was a pretty relaxed day, due to the wonder of womanhood, I wasn't feeling at my best so spent the better half of the day laying on the couch eating chocolate and watching TV. I am a bit of a tv whore, I freak out if my shows don't get recorded, gotta get my weekly fix of Private Practice and Fringe. Of course my wonderful husband hates the shows I watch, he's more of an Animal Planet and Discovery Channel kinda guy whereas I'm more of a America's Next Top Model and Desperate Housewives kinda girl. I'm aware of the fact that two tvs are a necessity for us.
I've got a book to finish reading for class, it seems that we'll be reading a book a week for my Reading for Writers class. Which is all well and good, but when do I have time to fit in book for my own personal enjoyment. I've been wanting to read Catcher in the Rye forever, it really is one of those books that I am ashamed to admit I've yet to read. I've read all the Twilight books but I haven't read Catcher in the Rye, what kind of writer am I!?! I've also got Truman Capote, In Cold Blood, sitting in my Amazon basket waiting for me to purchase. First problem is money, though its not very much I usually try to be aware of my spending. I can be deadly on Amazon, it almost doesn't feel like real shopping, before you know it you've spent loads. Second problem, like I mentioned is time. I hate reading two books at the same time, I like to dedicate my attentions to one book. I might be a tv whore, but I am not a book whore. One book allows me to completely immerse myself in the text and get carried into that world, why I love books. Third reason is because Adam will most likely be the one who receives the package from Amazon and he already thinks that I have too many books. I've been talking for the past few weeks about getting another bookshelf, with school I've been adding to my collection and right now they're all over the place. He calls my book collection hoarding, but really, you can take my clothes or my ipod and cell phone, but you can't take my books. I shan't be throwing them away or selling them, there is nothing like being able to pick up an old book you haven't read in awhile and fall in love all over again. I don't get that same buzz out of wearing an old favourite dress, I can occasionally get it with an old song that I forgot I loved. But never in the same way as I get it with a book. The man just doesn't understand it, he thinks I'm a hoarder. But I just have property, he only has less than me because half of his stuff is sitting in trunks in his mothers garage back in the US. Over 25 years you start to accumulate stuff and isn't it funny how one day he can be complaining about me keeping something and then two days later he'll be asking if he can borrow it or if I know where it is. Men, what strange creatures.
Today was a pretty relaxed day, due to the wonder of womanhood, I wasn't feeling at my best so spent the better half of the day laying on the couch eating chocolate and watching TV. I am a bit of a tv whore, I freak out if my shows don't get recorded, gotta get my weekly fix of Private Practice and Fringe. Of course my wonderful husband hates the shows I watch, he's more of an Animal Planet and Discovery Channel kinda guy whereas I'm more of a America's Next Top Model and Desperate Housewives kinda girl. I'm aware of the fact that two tvs are a necessity for us.
I've got a book to finish reading for class, it seems that we'll be reading a book a week for my Reading for Writers class. Which is all well and good, but when do I have time to fit in book for my own personal enjoyment. I've been wanting to read Catcher in the Rye forever, it really is one of those books that I am ashamed to admit I've yet to read. I've read all the Twilight books but I haven't read Catcher in the Rye, what kind of writer am I!?! I've also got Truman Capote, In Cold Blood, sitting in my Amazon basket waiting for me to purchase. First problem is money, though its not very much I usually try to be aware of my spending. I can be deadly on Amazon, it almost doesn't feel like real shopping, before you know it you've spent loads. Second problem, like I mentioned is time. I hate reading two books at the same time, I like to dedicate my attentions to one book. I might be a tv whore, but I am not a book whore. One book allows me to completely immerse myself in the text and get carried into that world, why I love books. Third reason is because Adam will most likely be the one who receives the package from Amazon and he already thinks that I have too many books. I've been talking for the past few weeks about getting another bookshelf, with school I've been adding to my collection and right now they're all over the place. He calls my book collection hoarding, but really, you can take my clothes or my ipod and cell phone, but you can't take my books. I shan't be throwing them away or selling them, there is nothing like being able to pick up an old book you haven't read in awhile and fall in love all over again. I don't get that same buzz out of wearing an old favourite dress, I can occasionally get it with an old song that I forgot I loved. But never in the same way as I get it with a book. The man just doesn't understand it, he thinks I'm a hoarder. But I just have property, he only has less than me because half of his stuff is sitting in trunks in his mothers garage back in the US. Over 25 years you start to accumulate stuff and isn't it funny how one day he can be complaining about me keeping something and then two days later he'll be asking if he can borrow it or if I know where it is. Men, what strange creatures.
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