Three Years, Two Dogs and a Roll Tide Later!

I think it's fitting that I should choose to return to the world of blogging on the three year anniversary of my Living In America (cue music). 1096 days ago I packed up and headed across that little pond to join the husband and pave what we hoped would be a smooth path to "Happily Ever After". Of course, life and therefore marriage, is not like the fairy tales. It makes sense when you consider we met online, back in the days when online dating was taboo, and not in an enchanted forest. 

It's difficult to grasp just how much time has passed, and ultimately I don't wish to because it scratches at the tender layer covering the pain of leaving England. Both the people I love back there and the country itself. Whilst it may no longer be the Great Britannia that rules the waves, I have an immense feeling of pride, of patriotism, of belonging. That's not to say that I haven't thrown myself wholeheartedly into American life and culture but I still feel like there's something missing. There remains some as yet undiscovered reason why I'm on the fence regarding US Citizenship.  Apparently, my psyche is really good at hiding things from me because try as I might, I can't come up with a conclusive reason. So for right now I'm blaming the $680 fee. 
I have a ten year permanent resident card so essentially I'm free to go on living and abiding by American laws until 2021 but the opportunity to vote if there's an election in 2016 or partake in jury duty are pretty compelling reasons for Naturalization. In addition to the fact that I don't want to be of different nationality to any potential future children. 

I suppose this would be a good time for a boring blogger update. I say boring only because not much happens in my life and what little does is usually published on Facebook so you already know. Well, firstly, Maggie came into our lives. Yes, as the title suggests, we now have two dogs. Penny is our TN puppy and Maggie is our AL puppy. The SEC has nothing on their rivalry!

I'd say that we've adapted to AL life pretty well, honestly moving down here from TN was good for us. The first time that we've really been on our own and whilst I miss both our families, knowing that we really only have each other to rely on has been good. It's helped up both grow up -though one of us had slightly more growing up to do than the other! I love our little apartment, which is really close to the dog park and the gym and I've taken to crafting of all things. I actually blame Pintrest for showing me how to make all the expensively awesome things I want to buy on Etsy. I've also lost about 37lbs so far this year. Not nearly at my goal weight but so pleased with the progress so far. I've always talked about dieting and loosing weight but found (like with most things) talk is cheap and action speaks louder. At the beginning of the year, I stopped getting my period for about two months and it freaked the heck out of me. Early menopause is a real thing and I was glad to discover that a little weight loss was enough to kick everything back on track. Then after countless weeks of dragging myself to the gym, I came to find that I not only enjoyed going to the gym but was really irritable when I missed beloved classes. Seriously, not a good idea to try and come between me and the gym on a Wednesday. Missing Zumba and Kettle Bells is no longer an option. I'm enjoying the changes I see and feel and am always surprised by what my body is capable of. One of the instructors says every class "you're stronger than you think" which I never really know is true until I've done what I thought I couldn't. 

There were two in the bed

For the past couple of months, sleeping with my husband has become most unpleasant. 

Like many people, when I sleep, I snore.
I don't believe I snore loudly. Being a lady and all, I'm sure it's just a delicate and cute snore. However it keeps the husband awake. So whilst I'm lost in la-la land, dreaming of being slim and owning an extensive Michael Kors handbag collection. The husband is laying there wanting to smother me with a pillow.

Of course, he can't do that. With me dead and him in jail, what would become of Penny?

So instead, he wakes me up and tells me to roll over.

In the beginning, I was sympathetic to his plight. He has a physically demanding job and wakes up a the butt crack of dawn. However, after weeks of being shoved awake, sometimes multiple times in the night, I finally lost it. I got mad, said some choice words and then took my pillow to the foot of the bed.

If we had a second bedroom, believe me, we would be one of those couples. We have such different sleeping habits and practices, it's a wonder how we've made it this far. He likes to sleep with a fan, partly for the cool air but mostly for the sound. I have to be warm and toasty. I don't want to feel the fan blow on me and heaven help anyone who uncovers my feet during the night. At one point, I had a mini heater on my side of the bed and he had a mini fan on his. I really can see the benefit of couples having separate beds or bedrooms. I'd have all the blankets I wanted. Could snore as loud as I like. And the scheduling of inmate times would mean I'd always have my legs shaved in advance. Alas, that dream is not a possibility for us one bedroom renters.

Instead, after weeks of us sleeping top and tail, and my starting to become more acquainted with his feet than any wife wants to be, I decided action must be taken. I picked up some nose strips which I'm hoping will lessen at least one of the sounds my body emits during the night! 

I can't believe this could be the end...

When I ended my long distance relationship with the husband, for the second time, by moving to the US, I didn't think about the long distance relationships I'd be starting. With my best friends. Moving overseas and leaving behind everyone I've ever known, really messes with the social life. Trying to build a life in a new city, state or country isn't easy. I'm thankful I have the husband for support but it is a lonely process. In the past, whenever I was going through anything, I'd turn to the husband of course but also to my girlfriends. I've been best friends with the same group of ladies since high school. They've seen me through more relationship dilemmas and bad fashion decisions than any girl should face in a lifetime. Every awesome birthday I've celebrated usually involved sneaky shots at the bar with these ladies. And whilst we've always had the kind of friendship where we could go months without seeing each other, only to pick up where we left off, it's suddenly different now that I'm in the US. Because who knows when we'll see each other to pick our relationship back up again. 

I know that if I want to maintain these friendships that are truly precious to me, I have to put in an effort to stay in communication. This means more than a birthday FB message and a card at Christmas. 

Lilly and I are constantly messaging back and forth on FB. Nothing big happens to either of us that we don't share and if we happen to go more than 3 days without messaging, I instantly think it's been too long. A phone call is a big deal because getting hold of calling cards isn't cheap or easy. And a video chat really is a special occasion because she doesn't have a built in web cam. Still, we're both committed to making the effort to ensure our friendship survives. And to be honest, I feel just as close, if not closer, than before I left. What we have now works on maintaining our relationship until we see each other next. We have no delusions that it will be any time soon and it's tough when I can't be there to support her during difficult times or celebrate with her when something amazing happens. Still, I know and she knows, that no matter what we'll be there. 

I feel completely different about Sophia. She and I were always so close. Not to say we didn't have our moments. Like when she told me she didn't think it was a good idea for me to date Adam and we didn't speak for awhile. Still, there wasn't anything we went through that wasn't softened by dinner and wine together. We saw each other sporadically, talked every now and then but always turned to each other for the big stuff. A break-up or cheating boyfriend was just another reason to hit the town together. When she got drunk and threw up all over herself, I helped her wash the chunks out of her hair. She made every birthday I had that much better. I know so much about her and she about me. When our parents got sick or passed away, we had each other to lean on and remember the good times with.

However lately I feel like our friendship isn't what it used to be. I don't know if it's down to the changes in her life or the distance between us. Or maybe it's a combination. Perhaps the fact that a telephone call isn't cheap, makes her hesitate when she needs someone to talk to and cry with. The fact that we can't get together to drink wine and spill all the details of our life means we don't share as much. I feel so disconnected from her and it saddens me. I wish that she could open up to me. And I wish that we had some wine so my advice doesn't sound so harsh. When we were together this summer, I loved spending time with her but things weren't like they were before. Perhaps she is changing and I'm not there to change with her. Don't they say that changing together is the key to a successful relationship. 

I don't want this to be the end of our friendship. I'm resolved to kick-start our relationship even if it means bombarding her with emails and messages. I'll have to make that extra effort to search out a phone card or get an international calling plan. And if she still doesn't get around to buying a web cam, I'll surprise her with one. I guess friendships are like relationships, there is no blueprint on how to make it work. Every friendship is unique, what works for some won't work for others. I knew what worked for us when we were twenty-five and living in the same country, I guess I need to figure out what works for us as the people we are today.

*For privacy, names have been changed*

2014 The Year of Cliches

Most changes don't happen over night. Contrary to the belief that the difference between December 31st and January 1st results in the sudden desire to start using that gym membership. Or that somewhere in those last twenty-four little hours, a ten year addiction to cigarettes will disappear. Most changes are subtle. It's the same reason you thought that second (third) cupcake, wouldn't have any repercussions. Had you (me) taken a bite and watched your (my) rear end spread a cm wider, we...let's face it..I wouldn't be in the fat pants that I am today.

Still the changes I'm thinking of aren't just physical. Spurred on by a brand new year, I once again reflect on my life. My career aspirations, my marriage, my friendships, myself. I realize how much I've changed over the past few years. I think of all the ways I hope to change in this coming year, perhaps in ways that I won't notice until I'm once again reflecting on years gone by.

Since we've started this new life in Alabama, I've really thrown myself into trying to make friends and build a life here. Having been unemployed for the past five months, it's been difficult. Not only am I financially limited but I'm not getting to interact with people on a daily basis. I created a meetup group a couple months back and through that group, I've been able to meet some wonderful and fun ladies my age. Some of whom I saw the new year in with. I've never been one to do anything special for New Years Eve. If I stayed up late enough to toast the coming year, that was cause enough to celebrate. This year we didn't make it home until the early hours of the morning. I'd call that a 2014 success. 

I have lots of things I hope to achieve this year. I have lots of things I hope to achieve every year. This year however, I'm older and wiser. I realize that not everything works out the way that you plan or hope it will. Life is fantastic at throwing you curve balls. And cliche though it maybe, you truly do have to learn how to roll with the punches. Dust yourself off and try again. I get knocked down but I get up again. Learn to go with the flow. I think you get it now.

2013 was a messy year. I missed my husband when we were in different states. My husband drove me to my limits when we were in the same state. I missed my family like crazy and a three week visit just wasn't enough. I missed my best friends who went through the hardest crap of their own and I felt powerless to help. I struggled with feeling rejected and worthless as I applied and interviewed for countless companies that couldn't appreciate my awesomeness. I felt misunderstood by my husband who wasn't the right kind of sympathetic to my feelings of not having a job, and missing my family, and feeling like America wasn't the place for me. Like always I had body issues because unlike I planned at the start of the year, I didn't loose 60 lbs.  

This year, I know things won't go swimmingly. I mean, where would be the fun in that right. Imagine, you want something to happen...and it does! Sounds boring. The one thing I've learnt from 2013 is that I will survive (Gloria Gaynor style). I have the most wonderful family and friends who I can lean on. My mum is always there at the end of the phone or my computer screen. My best friends can overlook their own issues to support me and drag me out of my dark moments. I'm healthy and fortunate to have a husband who loves me and at present is the only one bringing home any kind of bacon. I have an awesome puppy who accepts the fact that I don't always allow her on the bed but still jumps up when I'm feeling low and want a cuddle. 

I know 2014 isn't going to be easy and it might not necessarily be better. I have my list of things I want to change. Resolutions if you will. I know that they might not all happen and certainly not necessarily how I would want them to but I'm prepared for the disappointment. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  

90 Day Fiance

In our nine year relationship, Adam and I have gone through two immigration processes. The first, a fiance visa to bring him to the United Kingdom. The second, a spousal visa to bring me to the United States. Undoubtedly, the US to UK visa was much less costly and a more expeditious process than UK to US immigration. 

I remember the agonizing months that passed as we awaited updates on my visa application. He back in the US restarting his life and me in the UK bringing closure to my life. Thrust once again into the familiar territory of a LDR. It was difficult eight to nine months. Whilst we weren't too concerned about my visa being refused, it was difficult to once again be apart. We had foolishly believed that once we were married, we wouldn't have to be apart again. Of course, since we were married, at one point in time we were living in different countries and at another point different states. I have learned to assume nothing. After all, the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray. Which is what I'm doing here.

I was prompted to think back on my relationship when I came across an article about a new TLC show called 90 Day Fiance. It is a documentary following couples who must marry before their entry visas to the US expire. I believe all the US citizens are males who have found love with a female from another country. Some of the ladies speak minimal English and some couples have only met in person once before. 

What really spiked my interest were some of the comments from people. Even given the popularity of online dating, many people thought these women were only after a ticket the US. Of course, it's not to say that such things don't occur. It happens frequently. Despite the fact that the US has some rather rigid regulations and endless immigration hoops to jump through. 

However, what I don't think most people realize, it how difficult it is to give up your life and move somewhere new. I moved from England. Americans try to speak my language. We share a similar culture and lifestyle. Yet, it was and is still difficult to be so far away from everyone and everything I know. It's not an easy decision to make and certainly can be a lot harder to live with. 

Adam and flew back and forth for almost five years before he moved to the UK. He traveled on a fiance visa but I believe we had six months within which to get married. Twice as long as America offers. We always knew that we wouldn't settle down in the UK and I don't think Adam faced any hardships about moving overseas. It was an adventure. One that looked a lot more bearable knowing that he could always return to his beloved USA. Still, living together in the UK was an adjustment. London was vastly different to where he grew up and living with someone is so different to dating someone who you see every couple of months. 

As I watched the previews for 90 Day Fiance and read the bios of the couples, I could relate to their agony of trying to decide what would be for the best. 90 days isn't enough time to get to know someone. It isn't enough time to get to know a country or learn a language (well, maybe with the help of Rosetta stone but there will still be idioms that escape you). And no matter how long or how well you think you know someone, living with them 24/7 is always different to what you expected. Lots of couple who have dated in the same town, move in together and come to find that it doesn't work out. So when you've waited nine months for a visa application to go through and spent thousands of dollars on application fees alone, it makes everything so much more intense.

Ultimately, you have to make a choice and you have to be able to live with that choice. It would be nice if you could get a visa to "see where this is going" but they don't make that. I feel for some of these ladies because living somewhere new where the only person you know is your soon-to-be husband, can be very lonely. When going through the K1 visa process, it can be months before all your paperwork is finalized and your able to do something as basic as get a SSN. 

I feel fortunate that I have a wonderful family and amazing friends back home that support me. I still find it difficult being somewhere new and even though Adam went through two years in the UK, I don't always think he can fully relate. I am making a conscious decision to throw myself into life in the US and actually build a life. I like it here in Alabama and am actually starting to feel like this is home. It's only taken me two years to feel something that a fiance visa gives you 90 days to figure out. 

Desperate Housewife

Last week I went out for dinner & drinks with a stranger I met on Meetup. Living here in Alabama without a job means I really don't have much contact with anyone other than Adam. Unless you count Penny, which I don't because she seems to enjoy barking at strangers from the balcony more than she does hanging out with me. So I went online looking to make friends in the local area and made arrangements to go out with another twenty-something who lives nearby. It was surprisingly less awkward than I thought it might be and we had plenty in common which made for good conversation. Honestly, I'm not the best at opening myself up to new friendships. I feel like after you get to a certain age, you have all the friendships you need. I know I felt that way when I was in England. Trust is a key in friendship and I feel like time is the only way you can come to trust someone. So being a twenty-eight year old who is looking to make friends, isn't easy. You can't exactly walk up to someone and ask them to be your friend. When you're a kid, you have no problem walking up to a stranger and asking them to play with you. As an adult, it doesn't exactly work the same way. 

I will say it was nice to get a chance to go out without Adam and just have a nice conversation with another female. A chance to talk about all the trashy TV shows he hates for me to watch. Perhaps we'll do it again soon but I'm certainly opening myself up to the possibility of making new friends. 

I've been spending a lot of time doing the house-wifey thing. Which I think I've taken to more than I expected but I will say, with just a dog and a husband to take care of, it's incredibly boring. Perhaps if we had children,I could really enjoy the role but for now, I need a little bit more. Really I need a life outside of this apartment. I spend my days looking for jobs, watching Netflix and reading books. Which strangely would have been enough for me in the past when I was hermit like and enjoyed nothing more than a good book and warm blanket. Oh and a glass of wine. One of the benefits of staying at home is that I have time to pursue other interests. I hope to get back into writing more, which I guess will start with this here little blog. I'm also starting to make some of the wonderful things I see on Pinterest. No point pinning things if I have no intention of making them. A couple weeks back I made this wreath inspired by one I saw on Pinterest:

I'm also determined to join the local gym. Adam and I both want to start getting healthy, leading healthy lives before we think about trying that whole baby making thing. Right now, we're still eating too much of the wrong thing and certainly not moving enough. We both have bad habits but for some reason, these bad habits seem to hang around my waist line more than his. Having Penny here means we are active, we take her for walks along the beach but if I'm serious about shifting the pounds, I need to do more. Hopefully this time next year I won't be saying the same thing.

Haven't we met before?

For shame, I have been a terrible blog owner. There is no excuse but rather than chastise myself for my blatant abandonment of this blog, why don't I just update and vow to continue updating in the future. 

It's been a little over a week since I returned from London, visiting friends and family and of course attending the wedding of my best friend. It was strange to be back because everything felt the same but I felt different, who knew how much living in America could change a person. I mean beyond the obvious weight gain and terrible accent, to the way I perceived things and my expectations of people and places. 

My (America acquired) resistance to walk anywhere was hampered by the fact that I don't have a car to drive in the UK and quite honestly, getting a fresh (though perhaps biased) look at vehicle and road sizes, I don't think I'd want one. I feel tiny and intimidated in my Chevy Aveo but the roads in the US are larger and there is undoubtedly more room to maneuver. In London, it really is a case of every man for himself and I just don't have that aggressive driver in me. Which is hard to believe looking at the way my parents and sister drive. 

Of course the most difficult thing for me to get used to was the lack of air conditioning. Arriving in London during the one of perhaps four weeks of summer weather, I was immediately questioning why the A.C wasn't on. Never mind that I'd grown up in the same house and there had never before been air conditioning, I looked at the electric fan and for the first time I fully realized it's inadequacies. And it's not just in homes. Call me privileged but if a retailer truly wants me to enjoy my shopping experience, how about a little A.C.

Pet peeves aside, being back in London was wonderful. I got to see my best friends, which you can't put a price on (but if you had to, it'd be $1400.00 for a summer ticket). And like it always is when you haven't seen your best friends in almost two years, we picked up where we had left off. As if no time had lapsed since our last conversation or night out. Oh, of course things had changed. Both for them and me, some in good ways and others in bad but we talked and laughed and chugged cheap wine just like we always did. 

The highlight of my trip was spending time with my nieces and nephew. I hate that kids have to grow up and change, I do miss their chubby cheeks and wobbly gait. That said, I'm also in awe of the young people they're becoming, their individual personalities and ideas. Their focus and interpretation of things, their fearlessness when it comes to expressing themselves. They'd changed so much from the little rugrats I said goodbye to almost two years ago. And I thought that would hurt more, I thought I'd once again be reminded of what I was sacrificing for my life in America but ultimately I guess I'm okay with it. I realize that more than anything, I was holding on to a time in their lives, in my life, which I can't get back. We'll have the memories and the awesome pictures and we'll move forward to make more great memories. Plus, kids these days are so technologically advanced, they already made sure that i had their email address so I can write to them directly!

So here I am now, just completed my first full week in Alabama. I do like it here, it gets lonely and the job hunt is painful. But I'm hopeful. Eternally hopeful that this will be a good place for the husband and I. That we can start laying down some of the blocks for building a life here, in Sweet Home Alabama.