Friday, 22 August 2008
Bored
Thursday, 14 August 2008
realisations
I have to remember to add my bday pictures from FB to my account, everyone elses pics are so funny and I hardly remember most of them being taken. its crazy!
everything is pretty crazy like always, still where I want to be in life. is that just a permanent condition?
I was talking to Robbie on FB tonight about everything and I guess I realised that I don't have many ways to define myself independent of the people I love and care for. I define myself in reference of who I am to my family and Adam and my friends. But who am I or who would I be without them? I dont know. maybe that's good, maybe thats bad. I said to him that so much of who i am is entwined with my relationship with adam because we met so young and kinda grew together. who i am and who he is, has something to do with who we are as a couple. i guess I need to get back on track with what I need to do. which i'll do right now.
and though he suggested that there is so much that i wont get to experience and do because i'm getting married so young. i dont care, there are so many things i would have missed out on if i wasnt in love with adam. and like i said, it doesnt matter if i end up part of the 70% who get divorced because no matter what i'll know that right now and for the past four years, i've loved adam more than i knew a person could love. i've loved him with everything and he's loved me with everything. he frustrates me and sometimes we dont get each other but i wouldnt change him for the world!
Sunday, 6 July 2008
Saturday, 28 June 2008
To be ALONE!
To be ALONE!
Current mood: 
Category: confined Life
I know some people hate being on their own, either in their own home or in life in general. But when you're always surrounded by people, sometimes it'd just be nice to have the place to yourself to relax...ALONE!
I have a lot of girlfriends who always have to be in a relationship, they can't handle being single. Before Adam I was single for a long time and being without Adam is somewhat like being single anyway. I don't get to have date nights with anyone, I don't get kisses when I'm down. What Adam and I do have is great and I truly treasure it. I guess when we're finally together it'll take some adjusting for us. Being around each other all the time will be new but exciting. I didn't think Adam and I could experience anything new by now. But living together will be a first for us.
I hate living at home. I don't get my own space and I don't get appreciated for being here. I cannot wait for Adam and I to get this visa thing on the road. I really need it to work out for us, not just so we can finally be together but so that I can finally move out. I've spoken to him about me moving out before but he doesn't like the thought of me living alone. He worries a lot that something will happen to me. Apparently England is too dangerous!
Well, gonna go get ready for work. Gotta go earn that money!
Thursday, 26 June 2008
New Start
I spent last night and this morning filling out an application for an office job. I've never really had an office job before, I'm usually right there in the pit dealing with customers on a face to face basis. Which I like, but this job will be paying more and is only three days a week so would fit around my current work and any other engagements. I really just want something to supplement my income so that I can save money for Adam to come over. It would also mean that I could afford to pay for driving lessons and keep my personal trainer. Adam tells me I'm rich for having one but that isn't the case at all. I just know that on my own I wouldn't be able to shift the weight and I need a little help. Same way I need a driving instructor, I can't do it on my own. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for help when we need it. In fact, I don't think people do it often enough.
I'm not sure if I'm seeing a body difference from going to the gym. I haven't been weighing myself simply because I'm too scared. Course, I tell people its because I've been gaining muscle and muscle weighs more than fat. But really I'm afraid to find out that after all my hard work I haven't lost anything or that i've even gained weight. And I'll tell you, the gym can be really hard horrible work. Once I managed to get past all the women in the changing rooms who are all too comfortable with being naked in front of everyone. I then have to get over my insecurities about running on the treadmill and having my butt fly everywhere. Or sweating like an animal when the old guy next to me has been at it for an hour. It can just be tough! Still, I'm hopeful that by the next time Adam sees me I'll be super sexy and super slim. One can hope, right?
Sunday, 20 April 2008
Does Anybody Hear Her
These are the lyrics to my favourite Casting Crowns song. Not sure why I like this song, but it speaks to me somehow.
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her
If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we've never even met her
Never even met her
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
This is my favourite picture of Adam and I, it was taken when we were in St. Augustine last month.
Missing him but forever hopeful!
Thursday, 17 April 2008
