Sunday, 7 December 2008
Christmas Blues
Christmas has always been my favourite holiday. Its always possessed a magical feeling to me and I just remember them being full of love and fun. Of course, now my brothers have families of their own so there are fewer of us together for dinner. But they come around on Boxing Day and we exchange gifts and eat leftovers. So for me, as someone who loves Christmas, the best possible gift ever would be to have Adam here. We've never spent a Christmas together and every year we always say to each other, next year. next year. next year. Well, I guess our first Christmas together will have to be next year. Even though I've got everything ready to send to him for his visa, even though we've never been this close to getting his visa before. I just don't think its going to happen in time for Christmas. And even if it does, I just don't think we'll be able to afford the December flight prices. Common sense dictates that we should save money and book in January. But Christmas doesn't fall in January. It falls in December and I won't get the Christmas magic of sharing my favourite day with my family and my fiance. I guess its just a reminder of so much of my life. Its either something with Adam or something with my family, but the two are never mixed. I guess I'm feeling a little lonely and sorry for myself. But it doesn't help when all they play at work are Christmas love songs. Please Come Home For Christmas. Lonesome This Christmas Without You. And of course, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU...
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Just Thinking
And No, it doesn't hurt!
I'm still trying to get all the things I need to send to Adam together. I just want him here already, I don't think there's anyone who doesn't know that by now. In so many ways Adam defines who I am, but I'm also so much more. Is it strange to think that way? I know I was someone before him and if occurs, I know I'll be someone after him. But...he's just so much of me. In a way I can't even begin to explain. So I wont try!
My mum was going through some of her things the other night. And she is indeed a hoarder. She keeps so much JUNK! Anyway, she came across these old photos from the 70s. My dad actually had hair. An Afro to be exact. Posing away. And then there were some pictures of my mum and dad together. When they were younger than Adam and I. They seemed so in love. And I wondered, were they ever like Adam and I. Did they too think that they'd be together forever. That they'd overcome every and anything? I just wonder, I've never been divorced and I'd never like to be. But I wonder who people get from the point of being so in love with someone to not wanting to be with them anymore. I truly hope that Adam and I don't end up disliking each other. Unable to have civil conversations. I hope that we'll both be willing to keep trying.
Anyway, my Dad is helping me with some of the visa things for Adam. So hopefully I'll have that ready to send off to Adam next week. Its so exciting!
I'm still trying to get all the things I need to send to Adam together. I just want him here already, I don't think there's anyone who doesn't know that by now. In so many ways Adam defines who I am, but I'm also so much more. Is it strange to think that way? I know I was someone before him and if occurs, I know I'll be someone after him. But...he's just so much of me. In a way I can't even begin to explain. So I wont try!
My mum was going through some of her things the other night. And she is indeed a hoarder. She keeps so much JUNK! Anyway, she came across these old photos from the 70s. My dad actually had hair. An Afro to be exact. Posing away. And then there were some pictures of my mum and dad together. When they were younger than Adam and I. They seemed so in love. And I wondered, were they ever like Adam and I. Did they too think that they'd be together forever. That they'd overcome every and anything? I just wonder, I've never been divorced and I'd never like to be. But I wonder who people get from the point of being so in love with someone to not wanting to be with them anymore. I truly hope that Adam and I don't end up disliking each other. Unable to have civil conversations. I hope that we'll both be willing to keep trying.
Anyway, my Dad is helping me with some of the visa things for Adam. So hopefully I'll have that ready to send off to Adam next week. Its so exciting!
Friday, 21 November 2008
Visa Issues
I swear, just when I start feeling like I've got all this visa stuff figured out, something comes along to pull the rug out. Seriously, why do they make it so diffcult to just be with the person you love??? I think Adam and I have waited long enough. I'm not going to be deterred though, I'm going to do anything and everything that I possibly can. I just wanna apply already, we've come so close to the finishing line, I don't want us to stumble. But I have found some great online forums which gives me great help and makes me feel less alone.
Thank goodness I have Adam, I'm just getting ready to call him. He should be home from work in a little. I just wish he was coming home to me already. Sometimes I give him such a hard time. But bless him, he takes it like a champ. He has this abilty to make he feel all better. Soothe my soul. And right now, he's just what I need.
Thank goodness I have Adam, I'm just getting ready to call him. He should be home from work in a little. I just wish he was coming home to me already. Sometimes I give him such a hard time. But bless him, he takes it like a champ. He has this abilty to make he feel all better. Soothe my soul. And right now, he's just what I need.
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
Obama wins 2008 election
It certainly is a monumental occassion, congratulations to the Obama team and the many Americans who were brave enough and willing enough to vote for change.
On another note, Adam and I had a...disagreement...last night. I wouldn't call it an argument because he started going off like he does and I hung up the phone. I'm certainly not going to let myself get upset because he wants to act like a prick. So now I'm not talking to him...I wonder if he even knows this yet??? Anyway, I won't be calling him tonight. Long as I know nothings happened to him, I'm fine just getting my own space for a bit. Course, its more difficult to get him out of my head. But I'm trying.
On another note, Adam and I had a...disagreement...last night. I wouldn't call it an argument because he started going off like he does and I hung up the phone. I'm certainly not going to let myself get upset because he wants to act like a prick. So now I'm not talking to him...I wonder if he even knows this yet??? Anyway, I won't be calling him tonight. Long as I know nothings happened to him, I'm fine just getting my own space for a bit. Course, its more difficult to get him out of my head. But I'm trying.
Friday, 22 August 2008
Bored
I'm a little bit bored. I'm looking forward to getting paid next week so I can save money and watch it grow. It'll make me feel like Adam and I are getting closer to our goal. And next week onwards I want to focus on going to the gym much more often, really loose weight. Other than that, everything else is boringly normal!
Thursday, 14 August 2008
realisations
I have to remember to add my bday pictures from FB to my account, everyone elses pics are so funny and I hardly remember most of them being taken. its crazy!
everything is pretty crazy like always, still where I want to be in life. is that just a permanent condition?
I was talking to Robbie on FB tonight about everything and I guess I realised that I don't have many ways to define myself independent of the people I love and care for. I define myself in reference of who I am to my family and Adam and my friends. But who am I or who would I be without them? I dont know. maybe that's good, maybe thats bad. I said to him that so much of who i am is entwined with my relationship with adam because we met so young and kinda grew together. who i am and who he is, has something to do with who we are as a couple. i guess I need to get back on track with what I need to do. which i'll do right now.
and though he suggested that there is so much that i wont get to experience and do because i'm getting married so young. i dont care, there are so many things i would have missed out on if i wasnt in love with adam. and like i said, it doesnt matter if i end up part of the 70% who get divorced because no matter what i'll know that right now and for the past four years, i've loved adam more than i knew a person could love. i've loved him with everything and he's loved me with everything. he frustrates me and sometimes we dont get each other but i wouldnt change him for the world!
Sunday, 6 July 2008
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