Hello From The Other Side Of 2015

True to form, I was useless at blogging in 2015. It was a strange combination of being too busy to blog as well as feeling like I have nothing worthwhile to share. Additionally, Netflix lives on my laptop and requires zero thinking or typing skills. The ability to watch every season of a show in one sitting without commercial interruption might just have damaged the world forever.

I know, you're wondering what this year has been like for me. Let's get down to business.

Family & Friends; UK
This year my parents turned 60; my Dad in March and my Mum in April. And I of course turned 30. The irony that I turned the same age that my parents were when they had me is not lost on me. But more on that later.

If you recall in a blog post from earlier this year (perhaps the only other one from this year) I mentioned how much I was dreading all the milestone birthdays that I was going to miss this year. My parents of course, my nephew & niece both turning 10 and then two of my best friends turning 30. Well, thankfully I was able to take a very short trip back home and surprise my mum for her 60th birthday party. Over the past decade, she's really embraced getting older, a trait that I clearly did not inherit. And she's been looking forward to having a big party to celebrate turning 60. 


For awhile I was uncertain whether I'd be able to attend, mostly due to our finances but also the fact that I hadn't reached 6 months at my current job and hadn't earned vacation. Remember when I said a "short trip"? What I really meant was a weekend trip. Of course, the multitude of time zones in a 4 day period was well worth the look on her face when she arrived home from Costco and saw me come out to help with the shopping. And I got to see my beautiful nieces and handsome nephew. As well as my best friends. 
Hands down, the best weekend of the year.

Family & Friends: USA
Adam and I celebrated our six year wedding anniversary this year. Our family is still just us and the dogs. And every once in awhile Adam says that we should change that by starting a family but this is the same man who thought we'd have kids at 23! I think we'll be getting another dog before we have a child. Which strangely I'm okay with. I flirt the line of wanting to start a family and being content with how things are. I suppose I've always assumed that I would have children but this year I've allowed myself to imagine what life would be like without children and so I find I could go either way. And let's face it, parenthood isn't something you should enter into on a whim. 

This has been a tough year for our marriage too, which is another one of the many reasons I'm not ready for children. There have been times when I honestly thought I couldn't stand to have him in my life a minute longer. And then other times when I truly wouldn't want to be anywhere else but by his side. I have of course heard that marriage is a roller coaster but naively assumed that the storms we had weathered thus far had made us strong enough to withstand even a category 5 hurricane. And I didn't really want to write much about that here because whilst I make the choice to make details of my life public Adam certainly hasn't. And so I have a good old fashioned paper journal I turn to when I'm mad & need to process my feelings. The main thing is that we're still here. We're both still willing to do what it takes to stay together and figure out how to better communicate with one another. And of course we do still very much love one another.

Home Turf: Alabama


I have met some wonderful people in Alabama. Yes, we're still here. I have a love/hate relationship with this state. It really is beautiful, I have good friends here and we feel settled. I've been fortunate to meet a great group of ladies both at work and through Meet Up and we get together fairly regularly to do all sorts of activities. The most recent being our White Trash Christmas Scavenger Hunt.

And next week we have The Nutcracker scheduled. It's nice having a friend I can call and get together with for dinner & drinks. I was honestly worried that I wouldn't have that in America. Last month I hosted a baby shower for a friend and the month before that attended a wedding for another. So yes, it feels good to know that I have friends in this state.

The hate part is that it's ALABAMA! Even people from here ask me why in heaven I moved here! It's likely though that we'll be here for some time. And we do discuss potentially buying a home here but we're still not sure if we're ready to be exclusive with Alabama. Speaking of which.

Dream Come True: Washington State.
This year is also the year I made one of my dreams come true. When asked by people where I'd like to live, my answer is usually Washington State. And then, naturally they'd ask why? To which I would answer "no idea". I think originally, it was just the fact that it was so far away from the places I've seen in the US thus far. But as time went on and I learned more about the State, it became a real goal of mine to visit/live out there. Well, this September I made that dream a reality. I had booked vacation with the intention of going with Adam to TN to see his parents but he wasn't able to go as he didn't have enough vacation saved. I had resigned myself to staying home bored with the dogs when a friend suggested that I go somewhere by myself. The thought of being alone in a strange place was both empowering and intimidating. But it was wonderful. Just what I needed. I got some much needed time to relax and unwind. And I got the opportunity to explore part of a State I've been dreaming of seeing. 

One Small Request:
The primary reason I finally dragged my butt over to write another blog post is because I shared on my Facebook page that if my branch wreath reached 60 votes by Sunday, then I would write a blog post. What is my branch wreath and how do you vote for it I hear you ask. Well, my employer, being big on Communerosity (yes, community & generosity had a baby and I'm sitting over here taking selfies with my dogs) is holding a wreath contest. Each location selected a charity to design a wreath for. The public then votes on the wreaths they like best. The top three receive a monetary prize for their charity. So how can you vote for my teams wreath? By visiting the link on our Facebook page. Our location is Eastern Shore and we designed a wreath for the Daphne Library. Don't forget to share the link on your own Facebook page with #onceuponawreath and encourage your friends and family to vote too. 

30 before THIRTY

Twenty-fifteen is the year that I'll turn 30 and I'm still not sure how I feel about this. There's something about the closing out of your twenties that is reminiscent of a child putting away their toys. There is no more time for childish things like dreams and procrastination. There is no more time to erase and rewrite-because from now on my plans will be written in ink. 

I feel like your twenties are the most special and complicated time of a persons life. Of course, my assessment of this statement is limited to the meager twenty-nine years I've been on this planet but regardless, it's been a complicated decade. 

I remember being sixteen and dreaming of a future that seemed so full of possibilities and full of perfections. By eighteen those dreams might not have panned out as perfectly as I'd hoped but the determination and confidence that they could had not waned. I was excited to reach my twenties, specifically 21. What's so special about that birthday anyway? I already had a key to the door. Of course, I was young, slim and already in love with the man I would one day marry. I felt like life wasn't perfect but I could still make my dreams come true.

I suppose the next big birthday was 25. Which I imagine to be the first slap in a six part series of birthday face slaps. 25-Slap. 30-Slap. 35-Slap. 40-Slap. 47-Slap. 50-Slap. After fifty, if my mother is anything to go by, you stop sweating the small stuff and start making up your own rules.  My twenty-fifth birthday however was the very best of my life thus far. I had my wonderful family, childhood friends, two birthday cakes and the man I loved. And lot's of alcohol. Still, despite being my favorite birthday, twenty-five starts the slap series because it blatantly reminds you that your twenties are half way over. And no, try as you might, you cannot turn it into a glass half full "you're only half way in" outlook.

Another reason twenty five is the first slap in the birthday series is because you'll quickly come to discover that your body doesn't quite recover the same way from alcohol. Long gone are the days of downing vodka red bulls whilst grinding with your girlfriends in your hooker heels. Only to wake up the next day, grab a McDonald's breakfast and head to your six hour shift in retail hell. No, twenty five is the year that your body turns on you. Starts to remind you that you're not going to be young and attractive forever.  You're as young as you feel becomes your daily mantra but you can't fight the hormones. The ones that make you go mushy inside when a baby locks eyes with you in the grocery store and you feel like he can see straight into your vacant womb and hear the cries of your aging unfertilized eggs. So being smart you fight the urge with a puppy and it works. For awhile. So you get a second puppy. And your family just start asking when the kids are going to arrive and then that friend casually whispers the words infertility & problems over lunch. And before you know it you're wondering how an accidental pregnancy hasn't happened in the last ten years...Okay, I cannot deny I was off on a tangent there for awhile. I apologize. 

The point. I don't know how I feel about turning thirty. I thought I could get excited by working on a thirty before thirty list but then I realized I'd just be left feeling disappointed and unaccomplished if I didn't complete it. And frankly, I've felt that way too much during my twenties. I'm also mourning the fact that it will be the first milestone birthday that I won't be able to spend with my best friends back in England. I have made some terrific friends here in Alabama but I just always assumed I'd spend my thirtieth birthday with the same ladies who helped me see in 16,18,21,25 and so many birthdays in between. I won't be there with them to celebrate on their days either.

My 25th birthday- starting the BBQ off right with some shots!

Shadi's 21st birthday.

Susana's 27th birthday.

Charlotte's 26th birthday.

My 21st birthday-three divas hogging the mic!

My 21st birthday- couldn't think of better girls to dance barefoot with!

2015 is going to be a tough year for me, both my parents turn 60. My nephew and eldest niece turn 10. These are all special birthdays that I won't be able to enjoy, not without some serious money and vacation time, neither of which I have. This year will likely be the year I sit down and consider applying for Naturalization but it's also the year that will likely cause me to question my move altogether. 

Whilst in a long distance relationship with the husband, I felt the overwhelming desire to be in two places at once. If only I could knit our two worlds together. Now that the husband and I are finally together, I still feel the same way for the people I love back home. I'm not sure it's a feeling that can ever be reconciled. 

Thriving in 2015

Fresh sheets on the bed. A towel warm from the dryer. The first crunch of Autumn leaves underfoot. All these things conjure the same feelings I get at the start of a New Year. It's comforting to think of it as a fresh start. The turn onto a blank page eagerly awaiting the tip of a sharpened pencil. Everything and anything seems possible and the good things I plan and hope for appear probable. We can simply shed the troubles of the previous year like a snake skin and take that first step on to just fallen snow, creating a brand new path for our lives. 

We make resolutions as if we really can determine the outcome of this year. Little decisions that if only we could follow through with, happiness would be sure to follow. All the while forgetting that it's not so easy to change our spots or stripes. 

I'm not sure at what point during the year that optimism dissipates but I find that it usually does. We come to discover that our baggage has been shipped to us with no return address. By the time December rolls around I'm ready to be done with the year and move on to the next. As if the closing of each year ushers in the start of a more promising chapter in my life. When in reality there is no more difference in December 31st becoming January 1st than there is Monday becoming Tuesday. There is no cosmic change. The sunsets, the sun rises and whilst we should all be glad to experience as many of those as possible, for some reason this event is given so much more fanfare simply because it's the last day of the year. 

I find that sometimes I'm trying to run away from the bad memories so fast that I not only forget about the good ones but neglect the fact that I made it through. The new year seems to promise me so much. I'm almost certain I'll come to find that in this brand spanking new year, the grass really is greener. And so I make these declarations of intent to loose weight, to better practice the often times impossible art of patience, to cherish my loved ones more...and the old classic; to blog often! 

I do appreciate this ridiculous optimism of mine, don't get me wrong. Were it not to exist, were I not to believe that better things were out there and possible, I probably would have laid down somewhere long ago and stayed down. There is a reason why most people don't know who or what a Chumbawamba is but their lyrics "I get knocked down but I get up again, you're not ever gonna keep me down" resonates to the base of humanity. We're nothing if not determined to not only survive but thrive. 

With this in mind, I enter 2015 perhaps a little more realistic than I have in previous years. Of course there are good things that I hope will happen in the coming year. Like visiting England, celebrating my 30th birthday, buying a new car, doing it with my husband until I get knocked up. And I know it's not possible to be prepared for the bad because I don't know what this year will bring. But I can feel confident that with every bad day, every disappointment, I grow a little bit stronger. I'll learn a little bit more about myself and what I'm capable of. 

Bring it on 2015.

Accent Tag

I spent some time this afternoon researching Washington State. For some reason, that I cannot explain, I would love to live in Washington State. Perhaps it's the rain or perhaps like the husband suggests, it's Twilight. Either way, I feel like I could be happy there. I watched some videos of people from Washington State and decided that I could raise children there, simply because there isn't much of an accent. Just your generic, hard to place American accent. As opposed to say, the Southern accent, which I love as a novelty but not so much as an accent to be stuck with forever. Call me a snob if you must. Anyway, the husband and I thought it might be fun to make a video of us doing the accent tag. So here it is, enjoy.

 

Three Years, Two Dogs and a Roll Tide Later!

I think it's fitting that I should choose to return to the world of blogging on the three year anniversary of my Living In America (cue music). 1096 days ago I packed up and headed across that little pond to join the husband and pave what we hoped would be a smooth path to "Happily Ever After". Of course, life and therefore marriage, is not like the fairy tales. It makes sense when you consider we met online, back in the days when online dating was taboo, and not in an enchanted forest. 

It's difficult to grasp just how much time has passed, and ultimately I don't wish to because it scratches at the tender layer covering the pain of leaving England. Both the people I love back there and the country itself. Whilst it may no longer be the Great Britannia that rules the waves, I have an immense feeling of pride, of patriotism, of belonging. That's not to say that I haven't thrown myself wholeheartedly into American life and culture but I still feel like there's something missing. There remains some as yet undiscovered reason why I'm on the fence regarding US Citizenship.  Apparently, my psyche is really good at hiding things from me because try as I might, I can't come up with a conclusive reason. So for right now I'm blaming the $680 fee. 
I have a ten year permanent resident card so essentially I'm free to go on living and abiding by American laws until 2021 but the opportunity to vote if there's an election in 2016 or partake in jury duty are pretty compelling reasons for Naturalization. In addition to the fact that I don't want to be of different nationality to any potential future children. 

I suppose this would be a good time for a boring blogger update. I say boring only because not much happens in my life and what little does is usually published on Facebook so you already know. Well, firstly, Maggie came into our lives. Yes, as the title suggests, we now have two dogs. Penny is our TN puppy and Maggie is our AL puppy. The SEC has nothing on their rivalry!

I'd say that we've adapted to AL life pretty well, honestly moving down here from TN was good for us. The first time that we've really been on our own and whilst I miss both our families, knowing that we really only have each other to rely on has been good. It's helped up both grow up -though one of us had slightly more growing up to do than the other! I love our little apartment, which is really close to the dog park and the gym and I've taken to crafting of all things. I actually blame Pintrest for showing me how to make all the expensively awesome things I want to buy on Etsy. I've also lost about 37lbs so far this year. Not nearly at my goal weight but so pleased with the progress so far. I've always talked about dieting and loosing weight but found (like with most things) talk is cheap and action speaks louder. At the beginning of the year, I stopped getting my period for about two months and it freaked the heck out of me. Early menopause is a real thing and I was glad to discover that a little weight loss was enough to kick everything back on track. Then after countless weeks of dragging myself to the gym, I came to find that I not only enjoyed going to the gym but was really irritable when I missed beloved classes. Seriously, not a good idea to try and come between me and the gym on a Wednesday. Missing Zumba and Kettle Bells is no longer an option. I'm enjoying the changes I see and feel and am always surprised by what my body is capable of. One of the instructors says every class "you're stronger than you think" which I never really know is true until I've done what I thought I couldn't. 

There were two in the bed

For the past couple of months, sleeping with my husband has become most unpleasant. 

Like many people, when I sleep, I snore.
I don't believe I snore loudly. Being a lady and all, I'm sure it's just a delicate and cute snore. However it keeps the husband awake. So whilst I'm lost in la-la land, dreaming of being slim and owning an extensive Michael Kors handbag collection. The husband is laying there wanting to smother me with a pillow.

Of course, he can't do that. With me dead and him in jail, what would become of Penny?

So instead, he wakes me up and tells me to roll over.

In the beginning, I was sympathetic to his plight. He has a physically demanding job and wakes up a the butt crack of dawn. However, after weeks of being shoved awake, sometimes multiple times in the night, I finally lost it. I got mad, said some choice words and then took my pillow to the foot of the bed.

If we had a second bedroom, believe me, we would be one of those couples. We have such different sleeping habits and practices, it's a wonder how we've made it this far. He likes to sleep with a fan, partly for the cool air but mostly for the sound. I have to be warm and toasty. I don't want to feel the fan blow on me and heaven help anyone who uncovers my feet during the night. At one point, I had a mini heater on my side of the bed and he had a mini fan on his. I really can see the benefit of couples having separate beds or bedrooms. I'd have all the blankets I wanted. Could snore as loud as I like. And the scheduling of inmate times would mean I'd always have my legs shaved in advance. Alas, that dream is not a possibility for us one bedroom renters.

Instead, after weeks of us sleeping top and tail, and my starting to become more acquainted with his feet than any wife wants to be, I decided action must be taken. I picked up some nose strips which I'm hoping will lessen at least one of the sounds my body emits during the night! 

I can't believe this could be the end...

When I ended my long distance relationship with the husband, for the second time, by moving to the US, I didn't think about the long distance relationships I'd be starting. With my best friends. Moving overseas and leaving behind everyone I've ever known, really messes with the social life. Trying to build a life in a new city, state or country isn't easy. I'm thankful I have the husband for support but it is a lonely process. In the past, whenever I was going through anything, I'd turn to the husband of course but also to my girlfriends. I've been best friends with the same group of ladies since high school. They've seen me through more relationship dilemmas and bad fashion decisions than any girl should face in a lifetime. Every awesome birthday I've celebrated usually involved sneaky shots at the bar with these ladies. And whilst we've always had the kind of friendship where we could go months without seeing each other, only to pick up where we left off, it's suddenly different now that I'm in the US. Because who knows when we'll see each other to pick our relationship back up again. 

I know that if I want to maintain these friendships that are truly precious to me, I have to put in an effort to stay in communication. This means more than a birthday FB message and a card at Christmas. 

Lilly and I are constantly messaging back and forth on FB. Nothing big happens to either of us that we don't share and if we happen to go more than 3 days without messaging, I instantly think it's been too long. A phone call is a big deal because getting hold of calling cards isn't cheap or easy. And a video chat really is a special occasion because she doesn't have a built in web cam. Still, we're both committed to making the effort to ensure our friendship survives. And to be honest, I feel just as close, if not closer, than before I left. What we have now works on maintaining our relationship until we see each other next. We have no delusions that it will be any time soon and it's tough when I can't be there to support her during difficult times or celebrate with her when something amazing happens. Still, I know and she knows, that no matter what we'll be there. 

I feel completely different about Sophia. She and I were always so close. Not to say we didn't have our moments. Like when she told me she didn't think it was a good idea for me to date Adam and we didn't speak for awhile. Still, there wasn't anything we went through that wasn't softened by dinner and wine together. We saw each other sporadically, talked every now and then but always turned to each other for the big stuff. A break-up or cheating boyfriend was just another reason to hit the town together. When she got drunk and threw up all over herself, I helped her wash the chunks out of her hair. She made every birthday I had that much better. I know so much about her and she about me. When our parents got sick or passed away, we had each other to lean on and remember the good times with.

However lately I feel like our friendship isn't what it used to be. I don't know if it's down to the changes in her life or the distance between us. Or maybe it's a combination. Perhaps the fact that a telephone call isn't cheap, makes her hesitate when she needs someone to talk to and cry with. The fact that we can't get together to drink wine and spill all the details of our life means we don't share as much. I feel so disconnected from her and it saddens me. I wish that she could open up to me. And I wish that we had some wine so my advice doesn't sound so harsh. When we were together this summer, I loved spending time with her but things weren't like they were before. Perhaps she is changing and I'm not there to change with her. Don't they say that changing together is the key to a successful relationship. 

I don't want this to be the end of our friendship. I'm resolved to kick-start our relationship even if it means bombarding her with emails and messages. I'll have to make that extra effort to search out a phone card or get an international calling plan. And if she still doesn't get around to buying a web cam, I'll surprise her with one. I guess friendships are like relationships, there is no blueprint on how to make it work. Every friendship is unique, what works for some won't work for others. I knew what worked for us when we were twenty-five and living in the same country, I guess I need to figure out what works for us as the people we are today.

*For privacy, names have been changed*