I don't really suppose I could explain my sudden departure from journal land. It wasn't something that I'd been contemplating for a long time & if it were i would have done it a lot better and not left so many people feeling excluded, confused and abandoned.
Whilst my journal was private NOBODY, not even Adam, had access to it. I really did need some time to be honest with myself in a place where I should be.
I love Public Thoughts, it really is where everything good in my life started. And I can look back and see how i fell in love and how i became friends with some of the best women in the world. It tells the story of me in my own words and who wouldn't want that?
But somehow, over time, i came to find that I wasn't writing for myself or from the heart anymore. And that I was writing things that I shouldn't have been writing, not that there are things that I want to keep from jland, but just things that I should. Something's are personal I guess.
I was sitting around jland after receiving an email from a fellow jlander and it just got me thinking so much about what my journal meant to me. And I really didn't know anymore why I was journaling, whether it was for me or for other people.
I'm sure you all know how demanding jland can sometimes be, i'm sure i'm not the only one who finds themselves deleting alerts once they reach the 150 mark. there's really just no going back from there, least not for me.
But I took some time out, turned my journal private just because I had things in there that I didn't want the world to be able to peek at whilst my back was turned.
Came to realise that I didn't need to journal to still have jland friends or receive support from jlanders. I got emails checking how I was and letting me know how missed I was. And though you might not have known it, I did visit yalls journals and think about you.
Right now I'm at a point where I'm feeling a little more optimistic and much more ready to come back and write.
There's no excuse for just running out on my journal like that, I guess you could call it a jland break down or something. I just needed some time to get myself together.
But like I said, i'm hopeful. Its amazing what the turn of a year can make a person feel, but i'm clinging on to the tiny bit of optimism that I have and i'm just gonna roll on into 07 with it.
I hope you all have a Wonderful & Happy New Year!
thanks Terry Ann for this AWESOME tag! Its the first one i'm using in this new journal! :)
14 comments:
awww..Shermeen. I understand what you mean. In my humble (& honest) opinion, I believe that most jland writers would agree that they had a JLand breakdown at one time. I know I did. :-) And I agree with one of the reasons you mentioned--suddenly, we found ourselves wondering who we really write for.
May I share with you some thoughts?
When I first went online and decided to journal publicly, my main reason was to find others, to find out if something is really *wrong* with me or am I just truly a *different* person from everyone else.
After turning to Jland, I gained a whole new world of perspective. And yes, I became *addict* on hearing from other journal writers when comments started pouring in. This is one of those *sudden* thing where my time and energy were just so focused on journaling-both reading and writing. Suddenly, my physical world is becoming obsolete. My Jland world was way sooo much better than living the life I needed to attend to.
Then one day, I found myself asking: What's been going on?
I saw that I needed balance. Both world is good for me. But the bottom line is I needed balance. I realized that Jland brought so much light to my mind, yet, I have to draw boundaries as to what, when or why I share/say/write things.
Like you, (when we suddenly find ourselves feeling like just vanishing in thin air,) I also found out who is willing to stick by you through thick and thin.... These are the people who found connection with you. And like friends you hang out with in personal life, these Jland friends, though you've never seen/meet them in personal, is worth keeping in touch to. Afterall, you've gotten to know them through their journals. I think that we get to know Jland writers way deeper than those we talk to in person.
Hang in there, Shermeen dear.
Happy new Year,
Gem :-)
Sherms, i worried about you everyday....wondering what you were NOT saying and only hoped you never left because you are very important to me. I have written many times that i had lost my way, lost my trust, gotten hurt so deeply by others here and it takes time to find your way back. YOU are a tremendous, intelligent, loving and compassionate lady. I thank GOd i have met you thru here. I am glad you are writing again!
love you
lj
Hey sweetie, thanks for leaving me the link to your new blog.
I can understand not writing all the personal stuff in here. I dont do it. You will never read about things regarding my husband. A journal is just not the place of it, at least not for me. Totally a personal choice though. For some people its therapy to write about that.
Anway,
welcome back, I've missed you very much!
hugs,
Ellen
PS Happy new year !
beautiful journal Sherms!
so are you leaving Public thoiughts and stayng here? Happy New Year!
love,natalie
Sometimes we need to break away from what we've been doing for a while, and re-group. It does wonders to recharge our batteries. Glad to hear that you're feeling optimistic these days. Happy 2007 ! Tina
Been there and done that. We all need a break from time to time.
Wishing you and yours a great upcoming year in 2007!
Gab
Hi! Hope you had a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Gotta run! LOL
Adrian
Shermeen, wishing you a wonderful "2007" Hugs Lisa
Good to see you back!
Happy New Year!
Lyn
luv ya sweetie!!!!!
Becky
I feel every thing you are saying...And one can only do what one can do...with school..and a long distance relationship you will find almost everyone here really understand...Once you get behind there really is no catching up. What I have started doing is going through what alerts I can...picking some of the ones on my sidebar that I have neglected or not gotten to and read a few entries to catch up on things..but if you are like me...I got to the point where I was having problems with life in general and it takes too much out of you already! I hope you have the best year ever...wishing you much happiness and joy as well as good health! Hugs,TerryAnn
you needed time out that's all....we are all still here arent we! lol you can't get rid of us that easily you know! Linda xx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/lindachapmanuk/metamorphing/
I totally understand with how you feel. I think I need to create a real journal again, good old paper diary, like I did when I was younger, just for me, no one else..
Take care, Im glad your back to jland!
<3jackie
Hello Sherms! I am so glad you are back! I have missed you, and thought of you and hoped that you were ok, but didn't want to bug you, I was giving you time I guess, I really did want to email you to see how you were doing, but I guess I was worried that I would be pushy. I really hope you are ok, and hope you keep up the writing! I got that way with Jland and I am sure everyone has at one point, everyone needs time for themselves. I guess I just went thru that kind of myself. Know that I think of you always, and wish you the best!
love ya, and hugs,
Vicki
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