Not a good day

I do try, but sometimes no matter which way I bend, I get it wrong. Sometimes Adam can be so mean and hurtful, not only in what he does but just in the way he acts or looks at me. Well, I'm not in the mood to argue. He can stay mad all by himself. Today was a horrid day from hell. Working in retail at Christmas is awful, its non-stop and most people are so freakin rude and miserable! And I hate, hate with a purple passion that I can't tell these difficult rude customers where to shove that stick in their hiney!
So after a long day of standing at work, its finally home time, only to discover that due to the snow the traffic and buses are backed up. At the station most of the routes were cancelled and all others delayed. Scores of people, including little old me, waiting in the cold ice for a bus that might not come and if it does, might not get on. Ugh! Long story short, it took me 2 hours to get home when normally it takes me 20mins. I could walk home in 1 hour if I had the right shoes or weather. But cause everything was messed up, my journey time multiplied. And as if that wasn't bad enough my cheap Ugg wannabes let water in and my feet were soaked. Wet feet on icy concrete, not a good feeling. I know I sound like a moany baby, but I haven't even told you the best part yet...I get to wake up tomorrow at 7am and do it all over again! YAY! xx
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Broody Pill

I come to discover that I've reached a certain age or stage in my marriage, one of the two, where I get uber broody. I see babies and pregnant women and long to experience that for myself. To experience motherhood and family life, because I think that's really what its all about. Adam and I have spoken at length about starting a family and it certainly is something we both want, just in the future. We've agreed countless times it makes more sense to wait until we've had our time together and are settled before bringing a child into the equation. And we'll hopefully be settled in the US in four to five years and can start our family then. Of course, common sense doesn't turn that broody feeling off. And I'm all too aware that once a woman hits a certain point the number of healthy eggs she has depletes. Well, maybe they'll make a pill for that broody feeling. Even though Adam hates it, I was watching The Hills today and Spencer and Heidi are on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to starting a family. They seem financially pretty set up and maybe if I adam and I were in that situation we might consider starting a family sooner. However, I wouldn't stop taking my birth control without telling Adam. Sometimes I forget or can't be bothered, which would cause us panic every few months. But now I have a sweet deal where Adam brings me water each night so I don't forget.

We're also still trying to move out of my family home. But with Christmas around the corner and Adam still out of work, its not looking too hopeful. Just crossing my fingers.
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Marriage is a learning experience

I don't have a lot of friends, I don't trust many people enough to let them in. I do have a lot of acquaintances, but my true friends I can count on one hand. And the only people I can depend on and call upon anytime, any place, my two best friends from high school, Shadi and Charlotte. And Adam. And I like it that way. Even if I didn't, I'm not entirely sure how to make friends or where to make friends. I know you always have to start somewhere but you can't compete with 10 years of friendship. Its not like when you're young and your best friend changes almost daily. I'm older now and a great deal more cautious with who I give my secrets too, I guess that's because I've been burned too many times. Whilst I don't frequently fall out with my girlfriends, Adam and I are all too often falling out and having little periods where we don't talk to each other. I suppose our spats are more to do with the romantic side of our relationship than the friendship side. And I guess they last so long because of pride. Just an unwillingness to back down or apologise first. Marriage is certainly a learning experience, learning what each others breaking points are. Learning how not to push each others buttons. But also learning to want to reconcile, learning to apologise first and forgive. I'm not always great at it, but you have to keep trying. Keep making the effort. Otherwise you'll just end up having a miserable forever after!

We had snow in London today but it didn't settle, I'm hoping that it'll snow over night and settle. A white Christmas would be awesome!!!

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An American in Paris

I'm feeling forever tired, but forever hopeful that eventually my body with get enough rest.

Today was a pretty stressful day at work, with demanding customers. What is it about the holiday season that causes people to go a bit nuts, cuckoo just generally nasty and demanding. I like to think of myself as good customer, friendly. Only demanding when something is wrong, and forever willing to rationally come to a solution. Guess its my many years in retail. But I'm sure if many of these consumers spent a day working in retail they'd have a whole new respect for the sales girl/boy.

My husband got himself a library card and has been bringing home an abundance of books. Today, since he's learning french, he came home with books and cds for learning. Since I'm super awesome, I'd already purchased a cd/book learning set! Personally, I like buying books and having them to keep and re-read. Build up a collection, a mini library! Lol
Still, his French learning will come in handy for when we go to Paris next year for my bfs 25th birthday.

Well, gonna head to bed. Uber tired!
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Ready for a break

Honestly, where has this year gone? I feel like its been full on all year round and I've not really had a chance to relax and just enjoy life. Enjoy being a new wife. I guess that's why people take a honeymoon, but we really couldn't afford it. Maybe for our 1st anniversary.
My body is in need of relaxation and a deep tissue massage. Your body is really good at telling you when enough is enough and you need a rest. Well, my back and neck is about to give in on me. And my throat is horse, give me a few days and I'm thinking full on flu. When your body is run down you're so much more likely to get sick. Poor me!

I just wrote Adam my Christmas list so he can pick a few things to get me. So cute that I have to write him a list cause I've an abundance of ideas when it comes to presents for him. Where as he never knows what to get me, I tell him its because I listen and remember! I'm looking forward to our first Christmas and seeing his excitement at the gifts I got him. Though I don't know when I'm gonna wrap them, he's so nosey! Right now I've hidden them good, had to get new hiding place because my other ones were pathetically lame. I'd come home to discover he'd found my hidden bottle of wine or chips!

Oh and this year, I'm going to be baking christmas cookies and vienna bars for Christmas gifts to work friends. Just have to go grocery shopping and make sure I pick up some of those plastic christmas bags and ribbon to gift them. Will let you know how my baking goes...or if my baking goes because we're still waiting for a repair man to come out and fix our oven!
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Email updates

Second attempt to see if updating my email works. Let's find out...

Five years later

Five years ago today I was on a plane to Florida going to meet Adam for the very first time. We were talking about it yesterday and he asked me, did I think then that we'd be where we are now? And honestly, I didn't know. I hoped, but it seemed so impossible. We were young, in love, but had no idea how to make it all come together. And really, it took us four years to make it happen. But the fact that it did happen, that we were able to stay loving and trusting each other for five years of distance. Well, I know we can keep loving loving and trusting each other for years to come.

As the new year is just around the corner, I come to realise that it'll be our one year wedding anniversary in a few months. And its only when I think of that anniversary that I feel the full effect of being a married woman! Usually, its just the feeling of finally being with the man I love, trying to get settled and get into a situation where we can say, we've arrived. I often feel that in life we're always striving for a point where we stop and say, yep, that's it. I made it. I'm happy. I can stop now. But I'm not certain that point in life ever comes. Because we're always wanting to grow and develop and change something, be it career or wallpaper. And I think that there is this trap that comes as a result of always striving for something better, where we miss out on the present. On what we have right now, which can be such a blessing. But because we want more, we don't take the time to acknowledge it.

Adam and I aren't nearly settled. We're still living in my family home and Adam hasn't had much luck at all with job hunting. And we just don't feel at a point where we can feel satisfied, because this isn't what we wanted or expected. And sometimes we get down, and sometimes we get upset and resentful and fall out. But honestly, it doesn't take long for us to remember, we're together. Finally. And ask us back in 2006, we would have happily slept in a tent and eaten baked beans each day, if it meant that we could be together.

We're 24, we're married. We want our own place. Adam wants a job for his own self worth and growth. And we really need the money! But in all that, I try each day not to get bogged down in what we want and don't have. Instead, I look over at Adam and I'm so thankful for what I do have. Someone who loves me and who I love. And on our first Christmas together, I'm looking forward to making memories. I'm looking forward to five years time, when (I hope) we'll be in our own home, with our own family. Looking back on our first Christmas together, our first Christmas as a married couple. And I hope, I'm sure, despite it not being how we'd ideally like it, that I'll have fond memories.