Five years later

Five years ago today I was on a plane to Florida going to meet Adam for the very first time. We were talking about it yesterday and he asked me, did I think then that we'd be where we are now? And honestly, I didn't know. I hoped, but it seemed so impossible. We were young, in love, but had no idea how to make it all come together. And really, it took us four years to make it happen. But the fact that it did happen, that we were able to stay loving and trusting each other for five years of distance. Well, I know we can keep loving loving and trusting each other for years to come.

As the new year is just around the corner, I come to realise that it'll be our one year wedding anniversary in a few months. And its only when I think of that anniversary that I feel the full effect of being a married woman! Usually, its just the feeling of finally being with the man I love, trying to get settled and get into a situation where we can say, we've arrived. I often feel that in life we're always striving for a point where we stop and say, yep, that's it. I made it. I'm happy. I can stop now. But I'm not certain that point in life ever comes. Because we're always wanting to grow and develop and change something, be it career or wallpaper. And I think that there is this trap that comes as a result of always striving for something better, where we miss out on the present. On what we have right now, which can be such a blessing. But because we want more, we don't take the time to acknowledge it.

Adam and I aren't nearly settled. We're still living in my family home and Adam hasn't had much luck at all with job hunting. And we just don't feel at a point where we can feel satisfied, because this isn't what we wanted or expected. And sometimes we get down, and sometimes we get upset and resentful and fall out. But honestly, it doesn't take long for us to remember, we're together. Finally. And ask us back in 2006, we would have happily slept in a tent and eaten baked beans each day, if it meant that we could be together.

We're 24, we're married. We want our own place. Adam wants a job for his own self worth and growth. And we really need the money! But in all that, I try each day not to get bogged down in what we want and don't have. Instead, I look over at Adam and I'm so thankful for what I do have. Someone who loves me and who I love. And on our first Christmas together, I'm looking forward to making memories. I'm looking forward to five years time, when (I hope) we'll be in our own home, with our own family. Looking back on our first Christmas together, our first Christmas as a married couple. And I hope, I'm sure, despite it not being how we'd ideally like it, that I'll have fond memories.