Not a good day

I do try, but sometimes no matter which way I bend, I get it wrong. Sometimes Adam can be so mean and hurtful, not only in what he does but just in the way he acts or looks at me. Well, I'm not in the mood to argue. He can stay mad all by himself. Today was a horrid day from hell. Working in retail at Christmas is awful, its non-stop and most people are so freakin rude and miserable! And I hate, hate with a purple passion that I can't tell these difficult rude customers where to shove that stick in their hiney!
So after a long day of standing at work, its finally home time, only to discover that due to the snow the traffic and buses are backed up. At the station most of the routes were cancelled and all others delayed. Scores of people, including little old me, waiting in the cold ice for a bus that might not come and if it does, might not get on. Ugh! Long story short, it took me 2 hours to get home when normally it takes me 20mins. I could walk home in 1 hour if I had the right shoes or weather. But cause everything was messed up, my journey time multiplied. And as if that wasn't bad enough my cheap Ugg wannabes let water in and my feet were soaked. Wet feet on icy concrete, not a good feeling. I know I sound like a moany baby, but I haven't even told you the best part yet...I get to wake up tomorrow at 7am and do it all over again! YAY! xx
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Broody Pill

I come to discover that I've reached a certain age or stage in my marriage, one of the two, where I get uber broody. I see babies and pregnant women and long to experience that for myself. To experience motherhood and family life, because I think that's really what its all about. Adam and I have spoken at length about starting a family and it certainly is something we both want, just in the future. We've agreed countless times it makes more sense to wait until we've had our time together and are settled before bringing a child into the equation. And we'll hopefully be settled in the US in four to five years and can start our family then. Of course, common sense doesn't turn that broody feeling off. And I'm all too aware that once a woman hits a certain point the number of healthy eggs she has depletes. Well, maybe they'll make a pill for that broody feeling. Even though Adam hates it, I was watching The Hills today and Spencer and Heidi are on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to starting a family. They seem financially pretty set up and maybe if I adam and I were in that situation we might consider starting a family sooner. However, I wouldn't stop taking my birth control without telling Adam. Sometimes I forget or can't be bothered, which would cause us panic every few months. But now I have a sweet deal where Adam brings me water each night so I don't forget.

We're also still trying to move out of my family home. But with Christmas around the corner and Adam still out of work, its not looking too hopeful. Just crossing my fingers.
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Marriage is a learning experience

I don't have a lot of friends, I don't trust many people enough to let them in. I do have a lot of acquaintances, but my true friends I can count on one hand. And the only people I can depend on and call upon anytime, any place, my two best friends from high school, Shadi and Charlotte. And Adam. And I like it that way. Even if I didn't, I'm not entirely sure how to make friends or where to make friends. I know you always have to start somewhere but you can't compete with 10 years of friendship. Its not like when you're young and your best friend changes almost daily. I'm older now and a great deal more cautious with who I give my secrets too, I guess that's because I've been burned too many times. Whilst I don't frequently fall out with my girlfriends, Adam and I are all too often falling out and having little periods where we don't talk to each other. I suppose our spats are more to do with the romantic side of our relationship than the friendship side. And I guess they last so long because of pride. Just an unwillingness to back down or apologise first. Marriage is certainly a learning experience, learning what each others breaking points are. Learning how not to push each others buttons. But also learning to want to reconcile, learning to apologise first and forgive. I'm not always great at it, but you have to keep trying. Keep making the effort. Otherwise you'll just end up having a miserable forever after!

We had snow in London today but it didn't settle, I'm hoping that it'll snow over night and settle. A white Christmas would be awesome!!!

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An American in Paris

I'm feeling forever tired, but forever hopeful that eventually my body with get enough rest.

Today was a pretty stressful day at work, with demanding customers. What is it about the holiday season that causes people to go a bit nuts, cuckoo just generally nasty and demanding. I like to think of myself as good customer, friendly. Only demanding when something is wrong, and forever willing to rationally come to a solution. Guess its my many years in retail. But I'm sure if many of these consumers spent a day working in retail they'd have a whole new respect for the sales girl/boy.

My husband got himself a library card and has been bringing home an abundance of books. Today, since he's learning french, he came home with books and cds for learning. Since I'm super awesome, I'd already purchased a cd/book learning set! Personally, I like buying books and having them to keep and re-read. Build up a collection, a mini library! Lol
Still, his French learning will come in handy for when we go to Paris next year for my bfs 25th birthday.

Well, gonna head to bed. Uber tired!
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Ready for a break

Honestly, where has this year gone? I feel like its been full on all year round and I've not really had a chance to relax and just enjoy life. Enjoy being a new wife. I guess that's why people take a honeymoon, but we really couldn't afford it. Maybe for our 1st anniversary.
My body is in need of relaxation and a deep tissue massage. Your body is really good at telling you when enough is enough and you need a rest. Well, my back and neck is about to give in on me. And my throat is horse, give me a few days and I'm thinking full on flu. When your body is run down you're so much more likely to get sick. Poor me!

I just wrote Adam my Christmas list so he can pick a few things to get me. So cute that I have to write him a list cause I've an abundance of ideas when it comes to presents for him. Where as he never knows what to get me, I tell him its because I listen and remember! I'm looking forward to our first Christmas and seeing his excitement at the gifts I got him. Though I don't know when I'm gonna wrap them, he's so nosey! Right now I've hidden them good, had to get new hiding place because my other ones were pathetically lame. I'd come home to discover he'd found my hidden bottle of wine or chips!

Oh and this year, I'm going to be baking christmas cookies and vienna bars for Christmas gifts to work friends. Just have to go grocery shopping and make sure I pick up some of those plastic christmas bags and ribbon to gift them. Will let you know how my baking goes...or if my baking goes because we're still waiting for a repair man to come out and fix our oven!
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Email updates

Second attempt to see if updating my email works. Let's find out...

Five years later

Five years ago today I was on a plane to Florida going to meet Adam for the very first time. We were talking about it yesterday and he asked me, did I think then that we'd be where we are now? And honestly, I didn't know. I hoped, but it seemed so impossible. We were young, in love, but had no idea how to make it all come together. And really, it took us four years to make it happen. But the fact that it did happen, that we were able to stay loving and trusting each other for five years of distance. Well, I know we can keep loving loving and trusting each other for years to come.

As the new year is just around the corner, I come to realise that it'll be our one year wedding anniversary in a few months. And its only when I think of that anniversary that I feel the full effect of being a married woman! Usually, its just the feeling of finally being with the man I love, trying to get settled and get into a situation where we can say, we've arrived. I often feel that in life we're always striving for a point where we stop and say, yep, that's it. I made it. I'm happy. I can stop now. But I'm not certain that point in life ever comes. Because we're always wanting to grow and develop and change something, be it career or wallpaper. And I think that there is this trap that comes as a result of always striving for something better, where we miss out on the present. On what we have right now, which can be such a blessing. But because we want more, we don't take the time to acknowledge it.

Adam and I aren't nearly settled. We're still living in my family home and Adam hasn't had much luck at all with job hunting. And we just don't feel at a point where we can feel satisfied, because this isn't what we wanted or expected. And sometimes we get down, and sometimes we get upset and resentful and fall out. But honestly, it doesn't take long for us to remember, we're together. Finally. And ask us back in 2006, we would have happily slept in a tent and eaten baked beans each day, if it meant that we could be together.

We're 24, we're married. We want our own place. Adam wants a job for his own self worth and growth. And we really need the money! But in all that, I try each day not to get bogged down in what we want and don't have. Instead, I look over at Adam and I'm so thankful for what I do have. Someone who loves me and who I love. And on our first Christmas together, I'm looking forward to making memories. I'm looking forward to five years time, when (I hope) we'll be in our own home, with our own family. Looking back on our first Christmas together, our first Christmas as a married couple. And I hope, I'm sure, despite it not being how we'd ideally like it, that I'll have fond memories.

Men and babies...difference?

My goodness men can be difficult sometimes!!! I'm trying to help Adam get all his stuff together so he can be a fully functioning almost Brit, but its hard work. And costly!!! We got his identity card and leave to remain sorted but there are a whole bunch of other ducks to get in a row. Like getting him registered with a Dr and getting him a bank account and a national insurance card. And I haven't even been thinking about my own ducks, who knew there were SO many people to contact about getting your name changed over. Why did nobody notify me that men can be such babies! I feel like I go over and beyond for him, I do so much and it goes so unnoticed. Or at least unthanked. Grr. Just a little moan! lol! Feel mucho better now!

He can STAY!!!

So, six months after he arrived, Adam and I take a little trip down to Croydon to do the next step of the immigration process. For weeks we'd (really me) been agonising over getting all the necessary documents together. Making sure the pictures were to specification. Trying to think of how we'd possibly come up with £665 to pay for it. I still find that amount hard to swallow. And the best part is, you pay them before they look at your application and if its denied you don't get any of your money back! But after waiting 4 1/2 hours, they said YES!!! He can stay for up to 2 years, after which we have to go through this and more all over again, but I'm not thinking about that right now!
He can work. He can go to the doctors or dentist. He can drive. He can STAY! lol!

my hiney hurts

I was off work today and boy was I happy about it. I usually get Fridays and Wednesdays off, but I've also booked tomorrow off because I've a kids birthday party to go to. Its nice to have 2 days off in a row, I can relax and I don't have to think about work again until Sunday.

So Adam and I just had a lazy morning on the couch watching TV. On my days off I like to take the opportunity to catch up on my shows, but its getting to that time of year when the season is ending. I have ER, Greys Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl, Heroes, Brothers & Sisters, The Hills, Fringe and John & Kate Plus 8. There were many more but they've sadly come to an end for many months to come. Adam doesn't approve of any of the shows I watch, except one. He thinks that The Hills is overly scripted and full of drama, he HATES that I get entertainment from shows like that. The only show we can sit and enjoy watching together is John & Kate plus 8. I know they've been going through a hard personal time according to the media, but we enjoy watching their show and watching their family dynamic. Adam thinks John is so funny and I just love the things the kids come out with, like "will you kiss my hiney, my hiney hurts". They make me want to have a baby every time I watch the show. Which is why I should never watch it after a few glasses of wine!

We watched my shows and a movie, Almost Famous, with Kate Hudson whom is one of my favourite actresses. It really was just a couch potato morning. But afterwards we went to play tennis, which considering he's only played 3 times in his life, Adam is really good at. At first I was kicking his butt, but then he had me running all over the court. Now that its getting warmer and the days are lasting longer, we can do stuff like that. And I really enjoying playing or watching tennis.

After our tennis game we went to the grocery store to get some chicken and I was completely shocked and disgusted as some of the packages they had there. Most of the chicken looked brown and nasty. Most of them had a use by date of 16th May and to my horror, I found one with a use by date of May 14th. I went and told some guy who didn't at all seem bothered and Adam reckons it'll end up back on the shelf. I'm not sure if anyone else does it, but I always check use by dates. Always. And I reach to the back because that's usually where things with the longest shelf life are.

So I came home, cooked chicken fajitas for my brother and chicken salad for me and Adam. We all had the same chicken which made my life so much easier because one thing I hate is having to cook different meals to suit different tastes and requirements. I am not a short order cook. This is not a restaurant. But sometimes Adam gets so annoyed if I say that this is what I'm cooking take it or leave it. So he'll cook his own stuff, which suits me just fine.

I'm about ready to head to be because I am pooped!!! Tomorrow is my niece and nephews joint bday party. She'll be 2 on Sunday and he turned 4 last month. So I'm looking forward to that and my diet will just have to bend for a slice of cake...and I've been craving jello so I won't be holding back there either. I'll have to add some pictures next week.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed weekend. Be safe.

The First Day

It's been a long time since I've written anything here, I guess I kinda forgot that I had a blog in the first place. So much has been going on and let me start firstly by saying, I'm MARRIED! But not to Adam...only joking! He moved over here in January and honestly the time has flown by so quickly. We got married on April 18th and it was a truly lovely day, I have pictures on my kodak page so anyone who would like to see them just let me know your email address. It was a rather small civil ceremony, just close friends and family. But it was everything I've wanted for such a long time, it was Adam and I making a promise of forever. I'm so glad that he's finally here, we've both waited a long time for this to happen. But we still have a bit of a journey ahead of us, we have one final step in the visa process that will allow him to stay permanently and start working. And then, I think, we can feel like more of a married couple. We won't have to worry about being countries apart anymore and can finally start doing things we want. The only reason we have finished applying is the £665 charge that goes along with it. Boy, when we fell in love I had no idea how expensive it was going to be. Plane tickets and phone bills and visa applications. And then, when we apply for my visa to the US in a couple years, we get to do it all again. I can barely stand the waiting process, the not knowing if a visa entry clearance officer, thinks that you're relationship is genuine. If they think you're going to financially support your spouse. It's not a bowl of cherries, but Adam is certainly worth it.

Since Adam has been here, we've had a few small rows. Usually he'll storm off somewhere to calm down so we can discuss things. But I find I don't usually get all angry and heated like he does. Its funny because its a whole other dynamic fighting with someone in person, we never really fought when we were visiting each other. We would much rather use our time soaking up as many hugs and kisses as possible. But I love the fact that we're both determined to sort through our problems and find a compromise. Today's compromise involves me going to the gym and eating right, which of course I know is good for you. I just wish it was such hard work! I do want to loose weight, I don't feel that just because we're married now I can do whatever and look however. But I've just not been motivated or bothered of late and I guess that it really bothers Adam. So, in an effort to be healthy and have the body of a 23 year old not a 33 year old, I'm going to the gym and cooking chicken salad for dinner. I do want to try and stick with it, but we'll see.

musings

Adam will be here in just a few days. I'm really looking forward to seeing him, this is what we've been waiting for, praying and hoping for since we first met. In the beginning we had no clue on how we were going to make it to the same place at the same time, then the magic happened. It's exciting but strange and scary too. We've never lived together, we've never even lived near each other. He'll be completely alone in a new country all except for me and the people in my life. I can't help but feel that might be scary for a person...but if it is for him he's not opened up to me about it.

I'm spending my days wondering what I'm going to do with my life, with myself. I'll be going back to school in the fall but right now I've taken time off so that I'll have money coming in until Adam and I are set up. But I know for sure that I want to go into Politics. I just care way too much about society and about having the best people doing the best possible job for society. I watched this documentary about the most dangerous school in New Orleans. Just about the lack of hope and opportunity. Adam and I have VERY different opinions on such social issues, let's just say he's into a "every man for himself" kind of Republicanism. But I sit there and watch a documentary like that and wonder why more isn't done to prevent such dismal situations. It frustrates me that so many kids don't make it through high school because they get pregnant or get killed. Or that they just don't think they can do anything with their lives. A young girl gets pregnant by a guy who doesn't stick around and even though she's seen it before with her own mother or sister or cousin, she still falls into the same trap. Of course, teenage pregnany happens everywhere and for all kinds of reasons. But education, sex education and life education would surely stop that from happening. I can tell you for sure that I don't wanna get pregnant right now, at 23 I'm way too young. I want to enjoy myself and travel and be able to do something at the drop of a hat.

I don't believe that little old me can save the world, but I'm sure gonna try and make a difference. Shouldn't everyone.

Adam got his visa. I still can't get over how quick the whole process was. After months of us worrying and stressing that we didn't have everything together just right. That we didn't have enough money. We got our visa! It only took them a few days to approve and send it back. The thing we've dreamed of for so long. The invisible bridge that would bring Adam and I together and finally let us live our lives together. Its crazy, its something I've wanted for so long. Wanted to bad, its hard to believe that it's happening. He'll be here in just a few short weeks and the best part...I won't have to let him go again. He'll be mine and me his, for the rest of our lives.