To be ALONE!

To be ALONE!
Current mood: exhausted
Category: confined Life

I know some people hate being on their own, either in their own home or in life in general. But when you're always surrounded by people, sometimes it'd just be nice to have the place to yourself to relax...ALONE!

I have a lot of girlfriends who always have to be in a relationship, they can't handle being single. Before Adam I was single for a long time and being without Adam is somewhat like being single anyway. I don't get to have date nights with anyone, I don't get kisses when I'm down. What Adam and I do have is great and I truly treasure it. I guess when we're finally together it'll take some adjusting for us. Being around each other all the time will be new but exciting. I didn't think Adam and I could experience anything new by now. But living together will be a first for us.

I hate living at home. I don't get my own space and I don't get appreciated for being here. I cannot wait for Adam and I to get this visa thing on the road. I really need it to work out for us, not just so we can finally be together but so that I can finally move out. I've spoken to him about me moving out before but he doesn't like the thought of me living alone. He worries a lot that something will happen to me. Apparently England is too dangerous!

Well, gonna go get ready for work. Gotta go earn that money!

New Start

 

I spent last night and this morning filling out an application for an office job. I've never really had an office job before, I'm usually right there in the pit dealing with customers on a face to face basis. Which I like, but this job will be paying more and is only three days a week so would fit around my current work and any other engagements. I really just want something to supplement my income so that I can save money for Adam to come over. It would also mean that I could afford to pay for driving lessons and keep my personal trainer. Adam tells me I'm rich for having one but that isn't the case at all. I just know that on my own I wouldn't be able to shift the weight and I need a little help. Same way I need a driving instructor, I can't do it on my own. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for help when we need it. In fact, I don't think people do it often enough.

I'm not sure if I'm seeing a body difference from going to the gym. I haven't been weighing myself simply because I'm too scared. Course, I tell people its because I've been gaining muscle and muscle weighs more than fat. But really I'm afraid to find out that after all my hard work I haven't lost anything or that i've even gained weight. And I'll tell you, the gym can be really hard horrible work. Once I managed to get past all the women in the changing rooms who are all too comfortable with being naked in front of everyone. I then have to get over my insecurities about running on the treadmill and having my butt fly everywhere. Or sweating like an animal when the old guy next to me has been at it for an hour. It can just be tough! Still, I'm hopeful that by the next time Adam sees me I'll be super sexy and super slim. One can hope, right?