Musing for Thursday

The process of making friends is decidedly harder than I recall. Granted I've known the majority of my friends for several years now and we're all a pretty close gaggle, I find that when given the opportunities to forge new friendships I'm somewhat reluctant. Its not simply the fear of rejection and the unknown, but because once I consider a person a friend they are held close to my heart and done so with the expectation that this friendship will last for many years to come. Its evident with most adults that once you reach past the playground games and high school clicks that you want to form a solid friendship. Or several solid friendships. Or perhaps I shouldn't speak for the population at large and only for myself. I like to form solid friendships as I've seen the benefits of growing with someone over a decade or so. There are many, many trying times that I wouldn't have been able make it through without the help of my two best friends. Whether I needed someone to moan with or someone to get drunk with, we've seen each other through everything, heartbreaks, pregnancies, death. We have literally guided one another back from the edges of insanity and despair.

My goodness, people are vicious on trains. If I thought buses were bad I was yet to learn, yet to experience. The desire to get one of the very limited seats on a train causes people to ignore the usual social etiquettes whereby a gentleman would stand so a pregnant lady could sit. Or a young person would stand for someone in their later years who have already done their service to this country. The desire, nay, the need to sit on the journey home turns us all from decent human beings into animals scurrying for a scrap of comfort!

Tuesday night Adam and I went over to Shadi's for pizza and wine. I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that this visit resulted in me missing my spinning class or the shameful fact that I indulged (all too much) in 3 glasses of wine and four slices of pizza. Ultimately, ruined diet aside, it was nice getting out of the house and seeing Shadi. It had been a long time, mostly because we had a little falling out a few weeks back and our schedules denied us the time to bond again in person. Thankfully, we have on of those great friendships where you don't have to live in each others pockets, because frankly I don't do too well with that. You might not think that someone with an online journal can be private, but I am. What I show to the world and what I keep for myself are so very different. I'm not sure if Adam even gets to see and know all the different dimensions of his wife. Don't ask me why I'm like that, I think I'd need to pay someone to show me the answer. Of course, I wouldn't choose to be this way, maybe I've spent too long in my own shell. But its one of the things Adam recognised about me right from day one, and he didn't turn and run. The best thing about being married is having someone who sees you, warts and all, but loves you enough to keep showing up every day.

Hmm. I realise this post is far from cohesive, but its my thoughts throughout the day. Voila! xx
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