90 Day Fiance

In our nine year relationship, Adam and I have gone through two immigration processes. The first, a fiance visa to bring him to the United Kingdom. The second, a spousal visa to bring me to the United States. Undoubtedly, the US to UK visa was much less costly and a more expeditious process than UK to US immigration. 

I remember the agonizing months that passed as we awaited updates on my visa application. He back in the US restarting his life and me in the UK bringing closure to my life. Thrust once again into the familiar territory of a LDR. It was difficult eight to nine months. Whilst we weren't too concerned about my visa being refused, it was difficult to once again be apart. We had foolishly believed that once we were married, we wouldn't have to be apart again. Of course, since we were married, at one point in time we were living in different countries and at another point different states. I have learned to assume nothing. After all, the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray. Which is what I'm doing here.

I was prompted to think back on my relationship when I came across an article about a new TLC show called 90 Day Fiance. It is a documentary following couples who must marry before their entry visas to the US expire. I believe all the US citizens are males who have found love with a female from another country. Some of the ladies speak minimal English and some couples have only met in person once before. 

What really spiked my interest were some of the comments from people. Even given the popularity of online dating, many people thought these women were only after a ticket the US. Of course, it's not to say that such things don't occur. It happens frequently. Despite the fact that the US has some rather rigid regulations and endless immigration hoops to jump through. 

However, what I don't think most people realize, it how difficult it is to give up your life and move somewhere new. I moved from England. Americans try to speak my language. We share a similar culture and lifestyle. Yet, it was and is still difficult to be so far away from everyone and everything I know. It's not an easy decision to make and certainly can be a lot harder to live with. 

Adam and flew back and forth for almost five years before he moved to the UK. He traveled on a fiance visa but I believe we had six months within which to get married. Twice as long as America offers. We always knew that we wouldn't settle down in the UK and I don't think Adam faced any hardships about moving overseas. It was an adventure. One that looked a lot more bearable knowing that he could always return to his beloved USA. Still, living together in the UK was an adjustment. London was vastly different to where he grew up and living with someone is so different to dating someone who you see every couple of months. 

As I watched the previews for 90 Day Fiance and read the bios of the couples, I could relate to their agony of trying to decide what would be for the best. 90 days isn't enough time to get to know someone. It isn't enough time to get to know a country or learn a language (well, maybe with the help of Rosetta stone but there will still be idioms that escape you). And no matter how long or how well you think you know someone, living with them 24/7 is always different to what you expected. Lots of couple who have dated in the same town, move in together and come to find that it doesn't work out. So when you've waited nine months for a visa application to go through and spent thousands of dollars on application fees alone, it makes everything so much more intense.

Ultimately, you have to make a choice and you have to be able to live with that choice. It would be nice if you could get a visa to "see where this is going" but they don't make that. I feel for some of these ladies because living somewhere new where the only person you know is your soon-to-be husband, can be very lonely. When going through the K1 visa process, it can be months before all your paperwork is finalized and your able to do something as basic as get a SSN. 

I feel fortunate that I have a wonderful family and amazing friends back home that support me. I still find it difficult being somewhere new and even though Adam went through two years in the UK, I don't always think he can fully relate. I am making a conscious decision to throw myself into life in the US and actually build a life. I like it here in Alabama and am actually starting to feel like this is home. It's only taken me two years to feel something that a fiance visa gives you 90 days to figure out.