Hello From The Other Side Of 2015

True to form, I was useless at blogging in 2015. It was a strange combination of being too busy to blog as well as feeling like I have nothing worthwhile to share. Additionally, Netflix lives on my laptop and requires zero thinking or typing skills. The ability to watch every season of a show in one sitting without commercial interruption might just have damaged the world forever.

I know, you're wondering what this year has been like for me. Let's get down to business.

Family & Friends; UK
This year my parents turned 60; my Dad in March and my Mum in April. And I of course turned 30. The irony that I turned the same age that my parents were when they had me is not lost on me. But more on that later.

If you recall in a blog post from earlier this year (perhaps the only other one from this year) I mentioned how much I was dreading all the milestone birthdays that I was going to miss this year. My parents of course, my nephew & niece both turning 10 and then two of my best friends turning 30. Well, thankfully I was able to take a very short trip back home and surprise my mum for her 60th birthday party. Over the past decade, she's really embraced getting older, a trait that I clearly did not inherit. And she's been looking forward to having a big party to celebrate turning 60. 


For awhile I was uncertain whether I'd be able to attend, mostly due to our finances but also the fact that I hadn't reached 6 months at my current job and hadn't earned vacation. Remember when I said a "short trip"? What I really meant was a weekend trip. Of course, the multitude of time zones in a 4 day period was well worth the look on her face when she arrived home from Costco and saw me come out to help with the shopping. And I got to see my beautiful nieces and handsome nephew. As well as my best friends. 
Hands down, the best weekend of the year.

Family & Friends: USA
Adam and I celebrated our six year wedding anniversary this year. Our family is still just us and the dogs. And every once in awhile Adam says that we should change that by starting a family but this is the same man who thought we'd have kids at 23! I think we'll be getting another dog before we have a child. Which strangely I'm okay with. I flirt the line of wanting to start a family and being content with how things are. I suppose I've always assumed that I would have children but this year I've allowed myself to imagine what life would be like without children and so I find I could go either way. And let's face it, parenthood isn't something you should enter into on a whim. 

This has been a tough year for our marriage too, which is another one of the many reasons I'm not ready for children. There have been times when I honestly thought I couldn't stand to have him in my life a minute longer. And then other times when I truly wouldn't want to be anywhere else but by his side. I have of course heard that marriage is a roller coaster but naively assumed that the storms we had weathered thus far had made us strong enough to withstand even a category 5 hurricane. And I didn't really want to write much about that here because whilst I make the choice to make details of my life public Adam certainly hasn't. And so I have a good old fashioned paper journal I turn to when I'm mad & need to process my feelings. The main thing is that we're still here. We're both still willing to do what it takes to stay together and figure out how to better communicate with one another. And of course we do still very much love one another.

Home Turf: Alabama


I have met some wonderful people in Alabama. Yes, we're still here. I have a love/hate relationship with this state. It really is beautiful, I have good friends here and we feel settled. I've been fortunate to meet a great group of ladies both at work and through Meet Up and we get together fairly regularly to do all sorts of activities. The most recent being our White Trash Christmas Scavenger Hunt.

And next week we have The Nutcracker scheduled. It's nice having a friend I can call and get together with for dinner & drinks. I was honestly worried that I wouldn't have that in America. Last month I hosted a baby shower for a friend and the month before that attended a wedding for another. So yes, it feels good to know that I have friends in this state.

The hate part is that it's ALABAMA! Even people from here ask me why in heaven I moved here! It's likely though that we'll be here for some time. And we do discuss potentially buying a home here but we're still not sure if we're ready to be exclusive with Alabama. Speaking of which.

Dream Come True: Washington State.
This year is also the year I made one of my dreams come true. When asked by people where I'd like to live, my answer is usually Washington State. And then, naturally they'd ask why? To which I would answer "no idea". I think originally, it was just the fact that it was so far away from the places I've seen in the US thus far. But as time went on and I learned more about the State, it became a real goal of mine to visit/live out there. Well, this September I made that dream a reality. I had booked vacation with the intention of going with Adam to TN to see his parents but he wasn't able to go as he didn't have enough vacation saved. I had resigned myself to staying home bored with the dogs when a friend suggested that I go somewhere by myself. The thought of being alone in a strange place was both empowering and intimidating. But it was wonderful. Just what I needed. I got some much needed time to relax and unwind. And I got the opportunity to explore part of a State I've been dreaming of seeing. 

One Small Request:
The primary reason I finally dragged my butt over to write another blog post is because I shared on my Facebook page that if my branch wreath reached 60 votes by Sunday, then I would write a blog post. What is my branch wreath and how do you vote for it I hear you ask. Well, my employer, being big on Communerosity (yes, community & generosity had a baby and I'm sitting over here taking selfies with my dogs) is holding a wreath contest. Each location selected a charity to design a wreath for. The public then votes on the wreaths they like best. The top three receive a monetary prize for their charity. So how can you vote for my teams wreath? By visiting the link on our Facebook page. Our location is Eastern Shore and we designed a wreath for the Daphne Library. Don't forget to share the link on your own Facebook page with #onceuponawreath and encourage your friends and family to vote too. 

30 before THIRTY

Twenty-fifteen is the year that I'll turn 30 and I'm still not sure how I feel about this. There's something about the closing out of your twenties that is reminiscent of a child putting away their toys. There is no more time for childish things like dreams and procrastination. There is no more time to erase and rewrite-because from now on my plans will be written in ink. 

I feel like your twenties are the most special and complicated time of a persons life. Of course, my assessment of this statement is limited to the meager twenty-nine years I've been on this planet but regardless, it's been a complicated decade. 

I remember being sixteen and dreaming of a future that seemed so full of possibilities and full of perfections. By eighteen those dreams might not have panned out as perfectly as I'd hoped but the determination and confidence that they could had not waned. I was excited to reach my twenties, specifically 21. What's so special about that birthday anyway? I already had a key to the door. Of course, I was young, slim and already in love with the man I would one day marry. I felt like life wasn't perfect but I could still make my dreams come true.

I suppose the next big birthday was 25. Which I imagine to be the first slap in a six part series of birthday face slaps. 25-Slap. 30-Slap. 35-Slap. 40-Slap. 47-Slap. 50-Slap. After fifty, if my mother is anything to go by, you stop sweating the small stuff and start making up your own rules.  My twenty-fifth birthday however was the very best of my life thus far. I had my wonderful family, childhood friends, two birthday cakes and the man I loved. And lot's of alcohol. Still, despite being my favorite birthday, twenty-five starts the slap series because it blatantly reminds you that your twenties are half way over. And no, try as you might, you cannot turn it into a glass half full "you're only half way in" outlook.

Another reason twenty five is the first slap in the birthday series is because you'll quickly come to discover that your body doesn't quite recover the same way from alcohol. Long gone are the days of downing vodka red bulls whilst grinding with your girlfriends in your hooker heels. Only to wake up the next day, grab a McDonald's breakfast and head to your six hour shift in retail hell. No, twenty five is the year that your body turns on you. Starts to remind you that you're not going to be young and attractive forever.  You're as young as you feel becomes your daily mantra but you can't fight the hormones. The ones that make you go mushy inside when a baby locks eyes with you in the grocery store and you feel like he can see straight into your vacant womb and hear the cries of your aging unfertilized eggs. So being smart you fight the urge with a puppy and it works. For awhile. So you get a second puppy. And your family just start asking when the kids are going to arrive and then that friend casually whispers the words infertility & problems over lunch. And before you know it you're wondering how an accidental pregnancy hasn't happened in the last ten years...Okay, I cannot deny I was off on a tangent there for awhile. I apologize. 

The point. I don't know how I feel about turning thirty. I thought I could get excited by working on a thirty before thirty list but then I realized I'd just be left feeling disappointed and unaccomplished if I didn't complete it. And frankly, I've felt that way too much during my twenties. I'm also mourning the fact that it will be the first milestone birthday that I won't be able to spend with my best friends back in England. I have made some terrific friends here in Alabama but I just always assumed I'd spend my thirtieth birthday with the same ladies who helped me see in 16,18,21,25 and so many birthdays in between. I won't be there with them to celebrate on their days either.

My 25th birthday- starting the BBQ off right with some shots!

Shadi's 21st birthday.

Susana's 27th birthday.

Charlotte's 26th birthday.

My 21st birthday-three divas hogging the mic!

My 21st birthday- couldn't think of better girls to dance barefoot with!

2015 is going to be a tough year for me, both my parents turn 60. My nephew and eldest niece turn 10. These are all special birthdays that I won't be able to enjoy, not without some serious money and vacation time, neither of which I have. This year will likely be the year I sit down and consider applying for Naturalization but it's also the year that will likely cause me to question my move altogether. 

Whilst in a long distance relationship with the husband, I felt the overwhelming desire to be in two places at once. If only I could knit our two worlds together. Now that the husband and I are finally together, I still feel the same way for the people I love back home. I'm not sure it's a feeling that can ever be reconciled. 

Thriving in 2015

Fresh sheets on the bed. A towel warm from the dryer. The first crunch of Autumn leaves underfoot. All these things conjure the same feelings I get at the start of a New Year. It's comforting to think of it as a fresh start. The turn onto a blank page eagerly awaiting the tip of a sharpened pencil. Everything and anything seems possible and the good things I plan and hope for appear probable. We can simply shed the troubles of the previous year like a snake skin and take that first step on to just fallen snow, creating a brand new path for our lives. 

We make resolutions as if we really can determine the outcome of this year. Little decisions that if only we could follow through with, happiness would be sure to follow. All the while forgetting that it's not so easy to change our spots or stripes. 

I'm not sure at what point during the year that optimism dissipates but I find that it usually does. We come to discover that our baggage has been shipped to us with no return address. By the time December rolls around I'm ready to be done with the year and move on to the next. As if the closing of each year ushers in the start of a more promising chapter in my life. When in reality there is no more difference in December 31st becoming January 1st than there is Monday becoming Tuesday. There is no cosmic change. The sunsets, the sun rises and whilst we should all be glad to experience as many of those as possible, for some reason this event is given so much more fanfare simply because it's the last day of the year. 

I find that sometimes I'm trying to run away from the bad memories so fast that I not only forget about the good ones but neglect the fact that I made it through. The new year seems to promise me so much. I'm almost certain I'll come to find that in this brand spanking new year, the grass really is greener. And so I make these declarations of intent to loose weight, to better practice the often times impossible art of patience, to cherish my loved ones more...and the old classic; to blog often! 

I do appreciate this ridiculous optimism of mine, don't get me wrong. Were it not to exist, were I not to believe that better things were out there and possible, I probably would have laid down somewhere long ago and stayed down. There is a reason why most people don't know who or what a Chumbawamba is but their lyrics "I get knocked down but I get up again, you're not ever gonna keep me down" resonates to the base of humanity. We're nothing if not determined to not only survive but thrive. 

With this in mind, I enter 2015 perhaps a little more realistic than I have in previous years. Of course there are good things that I hope will happen in the coming year. Like visiting England, celebrating my 30th birthday, buying a new car, doing it with my husband until I get knocked up. And I know it's not possible to be prepared for the bad because I don't know what this year will bring. But I can feel confident that with every bad day, every disappointment, I grow a little bit stronger. I'll learn a little bit more about myself and what I'm capable of. 

Bring it on 2015.