One of the things I like least about myself is that I'm not good with expressing emotions. I find it hard to tell someone I love that I love them. I'm not comfortable with hugging people other than Adam and my nieces and nephew. I cannot tell you that last time I told my parents or my siblings that I love them. Though I do. And I'm certain it would be what I regret most if something were to ever happen to them. I'm not sure if its me or if it's the way I was raised. My youngest brother no longer gives my mum a kiss goodnight and says I love you. Whether that's to do with our household or his turning sixteen on Monday I cannot say.
When a loved one dies you always wish that you had told them just how you feel about them when you had the chance. Knowing that you could loose the one you love at any time still doesn't make you say it whilst you can.
I often wonder who will tell me when my dad passes away. Will his partner think to call us in her grief or will she call her family for support first? I think, will I ever know my father before he passes away because I won't have the chance to when he's gone. But still I don't make these changes. I don't call my sibling or text my dad. I don't even walk downstairs and tell my mum I love her before bed. These are decisions I know one day I shall regret. I imagine a future version of myself stood beside me, willing me to get up and do the thing she knows I won't.
4 comments:
I think it's a British thing..we didn't tell each other we love you in my family either...nor do I have to say it every single time I am on the phone with hubby either..I swear the Americans say "love ya" every five seconds and I feel it has lost it's meaning..my friend can speak to her hubby 10 times in half an hour and ends each call with "loveyabye"
I too have trouble expressing my emotions to someone unless I really and truly care about 'em.
Cause something in my heart tells me that the love shared is unconditional, even if it isn't.
I feel comfortable enough to believe it is.
Lastly, some times it isn't though and, of course, I usually find out too late.
I feel you're not alone at all.
In my mind I want to tell my mother I love her when I see her but the words never come out. I think I'm scared of the added drama that will ensue because it's rare I say it in person.
However I say it to my mother every single time I talk to her on the phone.
I think mine has something to do with how I was raised as I feel myself having to deliberately say it to my daughter even though I love her to bits.
I would just start saying it. It might feel weird at first but it'll be so worth it when you get back into it. I got back into saying it with my dad and it means everything.
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