Me? A beautiful Butterfly?

I watched a documentary where a caterpillar changed into a butterfly. It was messy and looked painful but the whole process was over in about two weeks. To say that I feel like I'm in the process of changing from a Caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly would be too simple an analogy. Instead I shall say that I feel like my life is stuck at the painful chrysalis stage. Not so much on pause but on a constant replay setting. I don't often watch documentaries that aren't about human beings and no doubt Adam had bullied or blackmailed me into watching with him. I think the reason that it sticks out in my memory is that Monarch Butterflies are so beautiful and distinctive. What is not to love?
Sometimes, I wonder why I bother to make plans for myself, for my life, when they always fall through in the most spectacular of ways. But if I never try, how can I possibly expect to get that replay button unstuck and move on to the beautiful butterfly stage of my life?

Most of my days are spent job hunting, which has to be the fastest route to that high rise ledge overlooking traffic. It is depressing and soul crushing. This is a fact. Perhaps, I did not quite appreciate the struggle Adam had trying to find a job in London. In fact, I know I didn't. I do now.

We are still in the early stages of our second immigration journey, just over two months in. In this amount of time Adams visa to England was approved. We have also seen a wonderful update on the embassy website, notifying applicants to expect the process to take 10 months. About 4 months longer than we expected it to take. Not very happy about not living with my husband again until possibly November. We're going to try and work out a visit or two between now and then but easier said than done when I don't have a decent job and summer is the most expensive time to fly.

I think the reason I haven't updated in so long is because I am always worried that my entries are going to be hostile. Which of course this is. I am incredibly frustrated that I haven't found a job and that Adam and I will have to be apart for so much longer. So I shall end my journal post with 5 things that I am happy about, lets see!

1) In about 15 minutes, Adam will be off work and I can call
2) I can fit into an old cocktail dress again
3) This weekend my niece and nephew will be staying over, they take my mind off everything!
4) I finally got around to updating, maybe I can make it regular? (too much too soon? baby steps)
5) There is a Cherry fat free Activa yogurt in the fridge with my name on it!

Prostitute Laundry

I spent most of today, actually all of today, doing laundry. Our washing machine had broken down earlier in the year and so I'd let a LOT of clothes pile up. I'm getting through them all slowly but surely, ironing and putting them away as I go. Hoping this will save me time in the future. I still have a lot of towels and bed sheets to wash. And I also have to go through and thin the herd, I have a lot of clothes that I don't and won't be wearing again, which I plan to donate. I have an awful lot of t-shirts but part of my weight loss goal is to get out of sweatpants and t-shirts and in to some sexy clothes!

I actually hadn't realised just how much weight I've gained over the past three years, it's really quite shocking when I look at pictures. I guess, day to day it can creep up on you. And I'm also a fan of the belief that once you have a boyfriend/husband, you start to let yourself go. I think its true, only because you forget that you should still want to catch the eye of the man you love. I hope that when I see Adam again, he's impressed. And ultimately, I want to feel more confident, which I do not right now. I'm still letting Jillian Michael's kick my butt via dvd and it's getting easier day by day, though I'm still not ready to progress to level two yet.

The job hunt feels like it will never come to an end and I'm having to be practical in what I can honestly accomplish in regards to immigrating, if I don't find a new job soon. Thankfully, Adam is working and can help.

I miss having my husband here, last night I had a dream that someone broke into the house and so of course, I couldn't get back to sleep for about an hour. Every little sound made me jump and living in London, there are lots of little sounds. To be honest, I'm not sure why it would make me feel more comfortable to have Adam here because it's virtually impossible to wake him up sometimes...still, having my big strong husband would have helped.

Tired, sore, hungry...time to call the husband xx

Brief Update

I figured it was about time for a new post.

One of my best friends got engaged over the weekend! I'm super happy for her and I already plan to come back in 2013 for her wedding!

Adam and I are still in this immigration process. Of course, these kinds of thing don't happen over night and we're aware that we shall be apart until probably August. Missing our 2nd wedding anniversary and my birthday but it will be worth it to finally be able to say "Never Again!".

I'm hunting for a new job and the job market is not very friendly. So far I've only been offered one job, working in a betting shop, which I had to turn down for numerous reasons. At this point, I'm looking for any kind of job that will help me pay bills and complete my immigration process. Thank goodness Adam is working in the US and he has a good job (something he couldn't find in London) because he's gonna buy me a new passport for our wedding anniversary. Since we got married in 09 I haven't had the spare funds to get my passport updated, of course now I need to have it done for when I immigrate. I guess you know that the honeymoon is over when you ask your spouse to buy you a passport for your wedding anniversary! lol! Though in our defence, we didn't actually have a honeymoon.

Today I enjoyed a very Fat Tuesday, ate lot's of pancakes dripping in Lemon juice and Sugar. Even rolled one with chocolate spread, delish. Tomorrow I'm getting back to the diet hard, gonna focus on weight loss for Lent. I know typically you give up bad foods but this year I've decided to give up these extra rolls of fat I'm carrying around.

Speaking of Lent, tomorrow I'm going to Church for Ash Wednesday. I cannot tell you the last time I went to Church and if I'm being honest, God and I haven't been having the best relationship of late. I want to work on it, one of us has to make the first move, so I'm going to Church and I'm gonna pray.

I have finally decided on career that I would love! Social Work. I'm not sure why I never thought of it before, especially considering I've always had such strong opinions in regards to providing children with the right starting blocks to succeed. Of course it means re-training and I have no idea about how the college system works in the US. How much it would cost. If it'd be eligible to get a loan. How to have my grades transferred over. There is a lot to think about but at least I know what I want to do...just have to make it happen.

I have an abundance of laundry to do and I'm about to start on my ironing whilst watching Glee, Hells Kitchen and Vampire Diaries.