Waiting on the Road to Damascus

There is a personality trait I posses that always bites me in the bum. I am too trusting and I give people the benefit of the doubt. It is something about me that drives Adam crazy and regularly provides him with the opportunity to say, I told you so. Also, I am too forgiving of individuals who abuse my trust or hurt me. I know this about myself and still I struggle to change it, to be the person who is cautious or says no, not again. My husband trusts very few people, I would say that I would be one of perhaps five people he has ever really trusted in his life. I feel that whilst I might trust too easily he withholds trust until he fully knows who they are. Upon meeting someone he trusts only that they will "eat, sleep, crap and breathe", his words, not mine. He is the master of never forgetting and holding onto the pain someone has caused him, no matter how long ago. I regularly comment on how we are opposites and this is just another case in point. I hope that when we have children they will be in the middle of our polar opposites because if that happens they will be the most well rounded children to ever exist.

Whilst I am not less trusting of people, I am more cautious of what I share with them. For example, I don't share my relationship troubles with friends anymore because I have learnt the hard way that sometimes they can throw your hurt and pain back in your face. I have also come to learn that my relationship with my husband is sacred and between us, if he is annoying the crud out of me, I'll just say it to him. I know in our relationship I've made mistakes and I am still learning what it means to me a wife, which of course is even harder when we're living apart. 

I asked Adam tonight what being a husband means to him, he said:

 Bringing home the bacon

 Being less of an ass 

And of course...

LOL! Simples! I'm not sure what being a wife means to me, what I think a wife should be. Primarily, to support my husband. To be the one person he knows without a doubt will always be there, will always be on his team. I know that we still have a way to travel in terms of discovering our roles in our married life. When we were here and Adam was out of work, it was extremely difficult for him to be unable to fulfil, what is for him, a primary role of a husband. 

I like the little footprints above, it reminds me of one of my favourite poems; Footprints in the Sand. The Lord replied "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you"

Some time back my Mother in Law gifted me with a copy of 3:16 by Max Lucado which is all about John 3:16. One of my favourite biblical verses, it should be posted on my list of things I like. I began reading it when she first gave it to me but failed to continue with the daily devotionals. Recently I picked it off my bookshelf, along with my Bible and I have begun to read it again. I've also been looking at the website of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, inspired by Hannah Explains It All words. It's a new and refreshing perspective that I haven't experienced before and I enjoyed exploring the website. 

I found one text that I could relate to one hundred percent, Waiting on the Road to Damascus. I feel like I am waiting for the heavens to open, waiting for God to talk to me directly so that I know what to believe and have faith in. John 20:29 says, "Do you believe because you see me? How happy are those who believe without seeing me!"
 
I don't know when I realised that I had a crisis of faith, I think I only really acknowledged it when I was ready to admit that I wanted to change. That I want to have a relationship with Christ. I was raised Methodist and when I was younger we went to Church regularly, though back then I did see it more as a chore. It wasn't until I was in high school that I actually began looking closely at my faith, by then I was in Catholic school and was exposed mainly to Catholicism. I went to a Catholic college and had the same experience. If I'm honest, I don't think I've found the right Church. I think that Church should be about more than just turning up on the Sunday, it should be a aide in living your life a certain way. I don't want my religion to be something I pick up and drop off at the Church door each Sunday. And of course, these things don't change over night but I'm on the road to change which is better than where I was before!


I didn't leave the house today, well barely, I went out the back to stop some kid breaking down the fence (a story for another day). I had every intention of making the most of the sunshine and going for a stroll in the park but by the time I got all of the things around the house done, I just couldn't be bothered. Tomorrow, I shall be venturing out. Going to work and I'm having my niece and nephew stay the weekend, we shall be watching "Surfs Up" amongst other cartoons. 


I'm gonna finish this up with five things I love most in my room;
1) My book shelf and collection. I refuse to leave any of these books behind when I move, which is the main reason I'm gonna have to ship boxes. For right now, my books are my babies.
2) My elephants. I have a thing for elephants and I have a little collection, some I've purchased and some are gifts from Adam and his mom. For my valentines day gift he is carving me an elephant, which he's almost finished. I've told him not to send it but to give it to me when I see him next, I'd hate for it to be damaged in the mail.
3) My Salvador Dali, Reflection of Elephants print. Again, my obsession with Elephants but I also think it's magnificent. I feel like every time I look at it, I notice something new.
4) My laptop for bring the world to my fingertips!
5) My abundance of photo frames filled with pictures of the people I love!