Home Alone

Tonight I had aspirations of spending the night alone. I planned to come home from work, pick up a ready meal and spend the night watching tv and indulging in my latest novel. My mum was invited to a friends 60th birthday party and my dad is throwing a "boxing party". He purchased the much anticipated fight between David Haye and Audley Harrison and my dear husband and brothers are all overjoyed to watch grown men hit each other until one falls over or gives up.
I had better hopes for my evening but as usual, they were dashed. After finishing a long day at work, got to love retail, I called home to find that not only was everyone still there but nobody had thought to get anything for dinner. In my household, preparing dinner is never easy, simply because my mother is a fussy eater. She doesn't eat any of the meals that are easy and quick to prepare after along day. Nor does she eat Chicken or Pasta or Mexican food which is well loved by everyone else. In the end I made a prawn and a chicken stir fry (no chicken for mother, obviously), which I am not ashamed to say was delish!

Eventually, my brother and husband went off to my dads and I was two down, one to go. In fact, as I write my mother is sitting on the other end of the couch snoozing, waiting for her friend to collect her so they can go out. Now, maybe it says more about me than it does her. After all, I don't know too many twenty five year olds who are sitting in on a Saturday night reading Catcher in the Rye. My best friend is out in Soho, drinking and dancing and doing things that I haven't done in years. So the fact that my mother has plans to go out at a time of day that to me is bed time, does make me wonder if I've become a bit of a hermit.

I am not uncomfortable with the idea of spending the night alone. Every once in awhile, I like to spend some time alone. I can't explain why, sometimes I can be very extrovert and sometimes I can be an introvert. And it has been a long time since I've been able to sit at home and just relax alone, catch up on my tv shows or sit and read a book uninterrupted. I like that. I do however think that I haven't been social in a long time. I find many reasons for this or maybe I should say excuses. I can blame it on our economic situation, I really can't afford going out somewhere. Club entrance fees, drinks and a taxi back very quickly add up, especially when my husband drinks alcohol like ginger ale. Also, I don't feel like getting dressed up these days. I can't remember the last time I got my hair done, my eyebrows need threading and thanks to my lack of will power, nothing fits! For some reason, when I get my hair done and eyebrows threaded, I can feel like a million bucks! When I don't, well I might as well put a bag over my face because I don't at all feel confident.

I would like to go out more, I used to go out every weekend and I would have a great time with my friends. Now, my circle of friends has become much smaller. I really only have a hand full of friends whom I value greatly but we don't get to get together very often. Life has become more complicated and a lot more expensive! Adam does enjoy going out and once I get there I do too but in the back of my mind I'm worrying about how much we spend. I'm also aware of all the pretty girls in their pretty dresses with their slim figures and I just feel like a blub! I'm so not going to rant about my weight issues though, nothing happens over night and I have to make a focused effort when I have time and money to get a gym membership again.

I'm back to working full time and I'm excited about the pay cheques and using them towards Adam and I making a life for ourselves. We will be moving to TN, where his parents are. They used to live in FL but moved up there earlier this year to live in the mountains. Neither Adam or I have been there but I am excited to see what life will be like, how I will adjust to living in a new place and having to make friends. Of course, before I can even think about that I have to go through the immigration processes, daunting and expensive! We are attempting to start my application in January so that Adam can stay here until I'm approved and then we can go together. I hope that 2011 will be a completely different year for us, as individuals and as a couple. I hope that we can have a home of our own and continue to grow together as a couple. I would like to get our marriage blessed and have Adams parents there to witness. I hope that Adam finds a wonderful job that he is proud of, I am always aware of how difficult it is for him to be my husband but be unable to provide financially. But when he despairs over it, I remind him that he provides for me in so many other ways. I know, without a doubt, that I couldn't and wouldn't be the person I am today without his constant love and support. I do have a good man.

Finally, at 23:40, my mother is out the door with her friends. I cannot imagine just leaving to go out now, especially when it is cold outside. Did I mention that she's wearing heels...I can't recall the last time I wore heels. Well, finally the house is quiet, all except for my typing and the whirl of the tumble drier. Time to put my feet up, eat a mini chocolate swiss role and watch How I Met Your Mother before bed. Good night all xx

REPOST ADDITION: Exactly 8 minutes after my mum walks out the door and I have the house to myself, my husband and brother return! So much for some alone time...would it be crazy of me to one day get a hotel room just so I could have some time alone!?!