Dreeeeeam, Dream, Dream, Dreeeeeam

 

Thought I'd update again.

 

Adam's job interview went well, he's going there on Tuesday to take a weld test. They basically just want to see his abilities, I tell him all the time that he's the best welder I know. Granted, I don't really know any other welders, but I know my baby is very talented. He might get a slight pay rise to what he's earning now which is always a plus.

Thanks to everyone who sent him good wishes.

 

It would seem that you all have differing opinions of mediums and whilst some of us are a little afraid, others openly embrace them. I most certainly do think that its a pretty cool gift to have though. Still, contacting the dead might freak me out a little. I like watching Ghost Whisperer, but I wouldn't want to be one.

 

Ok, I promise this will be the last thing I say about weddings for at least a week!

Ideally, I'd love to get married in Florida. If you've ever been there, you'll know why. It's just beautiful. And I'd only want my immediate family (as in parents and siblings) and closest friends to be there. And flying out to Florida is one way of ensuring that! But small and intimate is just more my speed. It'd just be so afraid of insulting someone if I got married here and didn't invite them. Trust me, I wouldn't want to spend 10,000 on a wedding. I'd make the cake myself or get my friends mum to do it. And take a course in flower arranging and just do as much myself as possible.

 

Lisa (warts & all) asks whether i'll be moving or Adam will be moving. Well, he's trying to move over here for a little while. Its not easy, but he wants to experience living in another country. And also, i'm not ready to leave my family just yet. But ultimately, we hope to live in Florida in the not so distant future. I'm sure i'll get used to mosquitos.

 

The other night I had this dream, highly confusing so I can't really explain it all, but it scared me. Really scared me, to the point that it woke me up and just freaked me out about being home alone. Out alone. Or awake whilst everyone else is sleeping. guess who sleeps with a bat under her bed now!

 

Well, in this dream two things stuck out, so I looked them up in a dream book that my mum has. I don't know much about dreams but i thought i'd share.

First part involved Adam (though it wasn't Adam, if you get what I mean) asking me to marry him and showing me a selection of engagement rings (crap, i said no more about weddings). Which in itself isn't that important but later there was a riot of kinds and my first priority was to save the ring, even over saving my little brother who might have been in the riot. So i looked up rings.

 

A ring appearing in a dream usually signifies a relationship of some sort. A wedding ring suggests a union and a promise. A ring belonging to the family would represent old traditions and values. An engagement ring suggests a more tentative promise of devotion. An eternity ring would be a long-term promise. A signet ring would indicate setting the seal on something. A bull ring suggests and element of cruelty.

We all need some kind of continuity in our lives, something which gives a sense of long-term comfort. A ring holds this symbolism because it is never-ending and is self-perpetuating.

Like the circle, the ring signifies eternity and divinity. The Whole.

 

 

The second part that stuck out involved being chased by a crazy person with long knives and I was trying to run home before he saw me and attacked me. So I looked up being chased.

 

Dreaming of being chased or of trying to escape is perhaps one of the most common dreams; usually we are trying to escape responsibility, our own sense of failure, fear or emotions we can't handle.

 

Then I looked up knives and swords.

 

A cutting instrument in a dream usually signifies some kind of division. If we are using a knife we may either be freeing ourselves or trying to sever a relationship. If we are being attacked with a knife, it indicates either violent words or actions may be used against us. In a woman's dream this is probably more to do with her own dear of penetration and violation, whereas in a man's dream it is highlighting his own aggression.

It can be important in a dream about a knife to notice what type is being used. For instance, a table knife would be interpreted very differently to a swiss army knife. Both are functional, but the former would only be appropriate under certain circumstances, whereas the latter might have a more universal application.

A symbol of division. Possibly a 'joy division' in the spiritual sense. That is, although we are on our way to achieving what we want at this time, it is not making us particularly happy, sp there is confusion as to which road we should have taken.

 

The sword in dreams invariably suggests a weapon of power. We may have the ability to create power and use energy properly through our beliefs.

The sword symbolises justice and courage as well as strength. For the image of a sword to appear in a dream indicates there is an element of the warrior in us, and that we are prepared to fight for our beliefs.

Spiritually, the sword signifies the power of authority and protection. In dreams to be given a sword signifies that we have the protection of the sacred. We are able to make our own decisions.

 

 

Sorry for all that long stuff. I think I can take little bits of what was said and relate it back to my life. I think that often dreams are really powerful in the sense that they can convey to us what we're feeling and trying to suppress.

 

Ok, I'm whittering on. I don't suppose I've a whole lot of stuff going on. I'll be in Florida in about a month, which I am looking forward to. Everytime I visit Adam I wish I could hop a plane to Kansas or Ohio to visit Terry Ann or Lisa Jo. I dont think I'd ever have to travel North to see Lisa (warts and all) because she'd much rather visit the UK.

 

I think i'm having trouble with my kodak software because it hasn't been letting me transfer pics to my comp. But I updated a whole load of stuff yesterday so if it works now i'll take pictures of where I live and show you guys. I love looking at pictures and seeing the US, gives me an overwhelming longing.

 

Have a great weekend guys.

 

ER starts in 15mins

 

 

Its been a while since i've updated. I've taken 76 alerts down to 12 in the past hour or so, but I think i'll save the rest for tomorrow.

 

Things have been pretty quiet and boring here recently. Just crappy weather and crappy work and school. nothing great. But I am looking forward to next month and seeing Adam. Having something to look forward to makes all the difference.

 

My sweet love had himself a job interview this morning. I won't know how it went until he gets home tonight, but i'm hoping he has some good news. Things are really stressed for him right now and he's panicked about moving out, trying to move over here. At the moment he's just not being paid what he should be and he's not actually getting to do what he's trained to do. He's gone to school, paid a fortune, to become a certified welder but the company he's with right now isn't letting him do much welding. So today he's gone for an interview with another company and if they're able to pay him more, he'll be changing jobs. I know its really want he wants, he's been talking about it long enough, so i'm hoping it all went well.

 

Today I stayed home. My mum had a psychic? fortune teller? i'm not sure what they're called, come around. And I was in charge of staying home whilst about 14 of her friends came around to contact loved ones on the other side and get a peak into their future.

 

I don't mean to sound sceptical because I'm not. I do believe that some people have gifts and clearly this woman does. I'm not sure how karma works when you're charging people so much, about $70. 

But I dont think i'd ever see a mystic. I don't think I'm at that point in my life where i'd need to. I'm only 21 and honestly, my life has barely begun.

 

I'm partly worried about what might be said, I won't pretend that i'm not. But I think, sometimes being told something might/will happen in the future can change so much in the present. I don't think I'd want to peak into my future, but just enjoy it as it happens.

 

Have any of you ever seen a psychic, would you?

 

Apparently, she told my mum that she sees a move to America in my future. Well, I could of told her that for nothing.

 

In my last entry I was talking about weddings. I'd love to get married in Florida, it's so beautiful there. But i'm not sure if my immediate family and friends could afford flying out there, if they could, then I most certainly would.

 

I don't suppose that weddings really need to be expensive and I don't suppose Adam and I will be able to afford anything lavish. I do worry about the amount of people, family, that will have to be invited. I wonder if we'd be able to cut our guest list down without offending anyone! There are two things that i've already decided that I wouldn't want to scrimp on, that's the venue and the photographs.

 

I suppose I won't be getting married for a while yet so I have some time to think about it and plan it and such. I truly love weddings, I love to see people declaring their love for one another, i'm a die hard romantic.

 

Lisa (warts and all) suggested eloping. Whilst it would be wonderful to get married on a beach in Hawaii, Adam and I did consider it, I wouldn't want to get married without my family there. Its really important to me. I want them there, I want them to be involved.

I'm really a very family orientated person.

 

I suppose i've gone on for long enough. There's a jland birthday coming up soon, someone very important to me. I won't say who they are just yet in case they're trying to keep it under wraps. I forgot to send out a birthday card and it'll never make it there now, mind i'm not sure if my xmas card made it there or not.

 

And I want to thank Gem who sent me a wonderful New Years card and a letter which just touched my heart so deeply.

 

Jland is a beautiful place. Such beautiful people inside and out. Thank you all for your kindness and support. Love you guys.

 

 

Oh Yeah Baby!!!

 

Oh Yeah Baby! Shag Me!

I'm giddy with excitment (and a wee bit of alcohol) right now, so you'll have to forgive the whole Austin Powers thing.

I just booked my ticket to Florida. I did it online cause it was so much cheaper, and I probably only did it today because I was tipsy (yeah right, drunk!) but you only live once. And I thought, screw whatever comes up, I miss my baby!

So next month I'll be in Florida.

Hopefully Adam will have a little time off so we can go places together. We really wanna go to St Augustine because its so pretty there and maybe GA but we'll have to wait and see.

And perhaps i'll get to meet some jlanders who live in Florida. That'll be nice. If you'd like to meet, let me know!

After my boredom entry yesterday I've realised I need to make my own fun. One thing I really enjoy doing but don't get to do much anymore is baking. I just love it and I love getting creative with icing. So i'm taking up baking again.

One thing I left off my list of ideal jobs to try was being a baker. I'd love to create cakes for weddings and christenings and just any other special day.

One day I want to take a course in baking and icing cakes. I'd love to make my own wedding cake, that'll take a lot of practise. But these days, it could be possible.

I'm not sure, at the moment its quite popular to go with lots of little fairy cakes to serve to guests and just one small cake which you can cut or keep for your 1st anniversary.

I've already chosen what type of cake topper I want for Adam and I.  Traditionally people go with the bride and groom figures, but you can get really nice initial cake toppers. Just an intertwined A&S with crystal detailing.

Yes, I have been buying wedding magazines. Yes, I am looking forward to getting married, everything but the expense of it anyway.

Do you know people spend, on average at least £10,000 on their wedding. I couldn't believe it at first, but some venues charge up to £3,000 for the day and that doesn't include food or drink!

Everyone who comes to our wedding better like a buffet cause there's no way we could afford at sit-down, silver service wedding lunch. And they'd better bring their wallets if they wanna drink!

You know, i've gotten carried away. I blame the Rose on an empty stomach. But I didn't at all get drunk yesterday, so I should be allowed today!

Just wanted to let yall know that next month, i'll be getting busy. Goodbye Ann Summers and her Rabbit, hello Florida Sunshine and Florida Lovin'

 

Hump Day Friday

 

I'm bored.

Its Friday night and i'm home alone.

I'm all of our alerts and i'm tired of school work.

I wonder how many liqueur filled chocolates i'd have to eat before I started feeling any kind of buzzing effect. I'm all out of my Christmas alcohol. I think I have one bottle of Rolling Rock left and a bottle of Asti Martini. I'm saving the Asti for something a little more special than boredom and one RR isn't gonna get me very far.

I remember once when I was in FL with Adam's family we went to the teenage Sunday school service before Church. They were talking about alcohol and why people drink. I felt like such an alien and/or alcoholic when everyones answered resembled; "people drink to escape their problems" (that one might be true in my current case, i'm bored, that's my problem), "people drink to be popular", "people drink because they can't say no", "people drink because they're alcoholics". On my sheet, I pretty much had; "people drink because they like it...because they want to...because it tastes nice".

I know sometimes, a nice rosé can turn a crappy around, least for me.

I didn't share my answers with the rest of the class. I wouldn't at all say I have a drinking problem, I do think lot's of young people do though. Its called binge drinking, just getting as drunk as you can, as quick as you can. Perhaps when I was 17 I could have fit into that category (17 was my wild child years).

Now, well I don't go out as much. And I don't drink to get drunk. It can help you unwind and loosen up, but i'm always aware that it can make you do things you really shouldn't do. And i'm aware of how vunerable i'm making myself when i drink.

Still, I don't think i'd be opposed to being a little tipsy right now whilst spinning around on the dancefloor in killer heels, singing loudly to whatever the DJ is playing.

So my Friday night will consist of...(insert silence)...exactly this. At least until Adam gets home. So Friday starts my series of Hump Days, I just need to get over the weekend and back to the week days. Weekends I have no life, at least on the week days I have work! (holds head in hands in despair) What has my life come to!

 

If you get numerous alerts from me tonight, forgive me, yes things are that bad!

Shopping High

 

What is it with kid brothers, no matter what I seem to make for dinner he always smothers it in tomato ketchup, what's that about!? You can't even taste the food!

 

I thought i'd update because its been maybe a day or so and I wanna stay in the habit. Recently i've been pottering around Public Thoughts, not really doing much, wondering how I'd feel about making it Public again. You see, i'm torn. It does contain so much of me, but I feel like i need to move on from who I was there. I made so many mistakes there and right now i'm all about fresh starts. history vs fresh start. Then of course there's the fact that i had readers I didn't know about and who I couldn't alert to my change of venue. That's a plus and a minus. Whilst i'd welcome many of my other readers back with open arms, there are people who know about Public Thoughts who I don't want reading my personal thoughts. And for now, they don't know about Sherms In The Middle.

 

Adam doesn't know about this journal yet. He's not very active on AOL at the moment, no time I suppose. And i'm not keeping it secret from him or anything, I'm just not ready for real life readers just yet. I don't know, I don't suppose i'm making much sense so i'll move on some.

 

Good news, my boss said it was fine for my friend and I to switch shifts! YAY!!! So in actual fact, there's nothing stopping me from seeing Adam. Except of course, getting all the money together! lol! It'd be good to see him again because i'm awful lonely and its been about 5 months! Can you imagine, 5 months without the one you love? 5 months of not showing the one you love how much you love them, yes we all know what I'm talking about. But 5 months is a long time by most people's standards.

 

I went to the travel agents to look at flights today and i looked online. Guess what, the cheapest flight involves flying with Delta through Atlanta. Yes, they are the airline that lost my luggage. Yes, that is the same airport. yes they did take 6 months to issue me a partial refund. think I should risk flying with them to save about $100?

 

One of my biggest temptations at the moment besides cookies and chips...clothes! Oh boy, I spent about an hour last night on asos.com looking at all the clothes. Oh my gosh! SO many things I wanted to buy, but I couldn't. Gotta save, not spend. I haven't replaced my wardrobe since the airline mishap and I need to. I tried on some jeans today which I loved, skinny black denim and my usual size...UK 14...fit me just fine. Wanted them, but they were £36.99 and I just can't afford it. But I love the buzz of spending, honestly, if i'd of had the cash i'd of bought them and returned them the next day. without wearing them of course. recently i've been buying clothes only to return them once the spending drug has worn off. but buying them on my card means i have to wait a few days for the refund to go back. I don't know what's wrong with me, most normal people buy things and keep them whether they feel guilty or not. but i just can't afford it. so i get the thrill from buying new things and then i return them. weird, i know.

 

Ok, time for me to go. I've got Adam on the phone and he's not a happy bunny right now. He's waging a one man war against Bank of America.

 

Love you all!!!

 

All's Right In The World Of Sherms

 

I apologised.

He apologised.

I apologised again.

He apologised again.

 

Both of us wanting to take the blame for the situation.

 

He regretted the way he spoke to me.

I regretted the things I said.

 

He said he shouldn't have spoken to me like that.

And I said he wouldn't have if I didn't make him so mad.

 

And we went on like that for a while, each one of us wanting to take the blame.

 

Apparently he felt bad as soon as he hung up the phone and like me had a pretty crap day until we were able to talk and sort everything out.

 

I really hate falling out with him, I feel like my whole world is falling apart and I just feel so alone.

 

But we're never really mad at each other for long periods of time.

 

Sometimes when you're in the moment you just can't see anything else but how mad and hurt you are, but when you step out of it you realise how stupid the situation was.

 

***~***~***~***

 

Yesterday was a pretty quiet day for me. I've a lot of school work to get through because this is exam season and I really need to work on my shorthand speed. I've really enjoyed learning it, but its going to be no good to me if i don't have the speed. So its all about practise.

 

I'm back to work tomorrow and its a pretty big day for us so i'll have to paint a smile on my face all day long. Usually i'm pretty happy at work, just so long as I don't have a stupid customer. Many of you said that if you worked in retail you might just loose it and give back to a customer just as well as they give. Ugh, you've no idea, sometimes I really do get the urge but I just have to walk away and hand the situation to a manager. Though sometimes I just smile sweetly and talk ever so nice and soft, i find that on the right customer, niceties in the face of rudeness really pisses them off.

 

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much!

 

There are so many jobs that i'd love to have. To just experience. I'd love to be an airline stewardess (I think that's what they're called now), to travel is a dream. There are so many places to see. And they always look so glamorous, I love it. I know its hard work too, but I have to deal with difficult customers now, might as well be getting paid much more for it and get to see a bit of the world.

 

I'd also love to be a Crime Scene Investigator, yes, I got bit by the CSI bug. I think its so amazingly interesting, how they trace DNA and can take some tyre tracks and trace them back to a car and owner. I know in real life its not exactly like the show, but I'd still love to try it.

 

I don't know, I think most of us would change our career if only for a month. Just to try something different, something that you've always dreamed of doing before the real world took your life in a different direction.

 

Well, i've gotta get back to studying and cleaning. there are dishes down there with my name on them!

 

Love ya

 

Love Never Gives Up

There are so many different versions of this, I just went with the first one google gave me.   Love is patient, love is kind...

Love is patient, and love is kind, it is not jealous or prideful love is not rude, it is not selfish, it is never angry, it is not happy with evil, love is not happy with lies, but rejoices in the truth. Love never gives up, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

 

Adam and I had a stupid fight tonight, guess that's what I get for talking about how great he is.

Sometimes we really don't understand each other.

I hurt him by not making him feel like i'm always on his side. And he hurt me by the way he chose to speak to me.

I'm trying really hard not to stay hurt and after refusing to cry myself to sleep, i signed on here. I think its helping.

I apologised for what I said and how I'd made him feel and explained that wasn't my intention. But it didn't seem to be enough for tonight.

But I don't think he understands how much what he said hurt me and even when i'm really angry I'd never speak to him like that.

I don't know, if we're lucky enough to have a tomorrow, maybe we'll sort it out.

But i'm trying really hard not to go to sleep upset.

Oh, I forgot a title!

 

Always be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else!

 

Adam got me the Danity Kane cd for Christmas so i'm overloading on it. When I was over there last summer i'd watch Making the Band 3 all the time, I know some people think it sad, but i got hooked. And since the album isn't out over here yet, Adam got it for me as part of my Christmas gift.

Things have been a little hectic around here recently, i've been working quite a bit and now I need to try and work as much as I can to earn money, but balance school as well. Don't suppose anyone ever said it'd be easy.

Honestly, working in retail sucks sometimes. Wanna know why, because of YOU!

Well, not you guys specifically, but customers who enjoy being rude or mean and knowing that as much as we want to we can't curse back at them. Boy I wish I could sometimes. I don't ask for much, just basic manners. Saying please & thank you and being patient.

Wednesday we have a visit from the managing director, she's just coming in to take a look at our stores operations because we've done really well recently and bagged our store a night on the town. Looking forward to that.

Its been expressed by some that you miss my drunken entries...oh, they seem like so long ago but really they weren't. I guess i'm trying to grow out of my good-time-girl phase. Not that I was ever "loose" or anything along those lines, but I guess since I didn't go out partyin all that often, when I did party, I partied hard. BUT, like I said, i'm trying to let that go. I'll still go out, because I do enjoy getting all dressed up and I LOVE dancing, but everything in moderation, right?

I have to say, we're a funny lot in journal land. Recently someone in jland has created a new journal, a private one, where they've taken down the smoke screen to their life. I have to say that it suprised me to think that this person i'd admired and believed to know, had a completely different life to the one they'd previous portrayed. I think we all sometimes pretend tobe something or someone we're not and it takes a lot of guts to be honest. To lay out your faults and mistakes and trust that people won't turn away from you.

In my last entry I said that i'd like to go back to Florida to visit Adam. I have to talk to my boss next week and hope I can get the time off, I've no more holidays until after April, but someone offered to cover my shift. Guess she's an old romantic too.

Its been a good few months since we've seen each other, at times it feels like years and others it feels like just yesterday. I'm missing him greatly and just a few days together would mean the world to us.

I won't pretend that everythings always smooth sailing between us, sometimes its really hard for no other reason than that we're apart. So any time together helps to strengthen our relationship. This July it'll be 3 years that we've been together (smiles, tries to hide girlie giggle). I know to yall that have been married longer than i've been alive, it doesn't seem like anything at all. Some people have probably had colds longer than we've been together, but its our longest relationship and it means something to us, so i'm excited.

I know, I can't get away from writing about Adam! lol!

Did I tell jland, i'm not sure if I did or not. When I originally found out I promised to keep it a secret and wait a few more months, but I guess I can tell you'll now. Its nice to end on good news.

Come this May, Nathan will have a new brother or sister. My brother and SIL are expecting their second child. I'm really excited and i'm gonna make sure that this time i'm here for the birth (When Nathan was born I was in FL because he came late and I couldn't change my flight).

Hope you're having a great weekend jland!

Love YOU!!!

Happy New Year

 

 

Happy 2007 Jland

 

This will be my third year in jland, it sure does seem longer, some of the friendships i've made feel life long.

 

Thought for today: When there's no turning back, we should only concern ourselves with the best way of going forward.

 

That's how i'm feeling about the new year. 2006 came and went and things didn't go the way I wanted, but i'm all for picking myself up and making the things I want to happen in my life, happen.

 

I've been working a great deal recently so I haven't really gone out and enjoyed myself in a while. Which i'm actually ok with, i'm working to pay for school, pay some bills and hopefully a plane ticket back to Florida. Where else do I ever go? But where else would I want to go!?