Today was a rather uneventful day. Work and home. I feel like I need to take up another activity that will bring me some kind of pleasure, a hobby of some kind. But there is not much that I am bothered or can afford to do, usually I like to read, but that doesn't get me out of the house. I need a break from my routine of work, home, work, home, work, home. Well, you get it. And its dull. Maybe I should arrange a girly dinner each month, have some fun with my girl friends. Who knows. I would like to be able to spend more time with my husband. Right now, Adam and I are on different schedules. Usually, when I'm at work he's at home and when I'm at home he's at work. And as he works the late shift and will soon be working nights, when I'm ready for bed he's wide awake and when I'm wide awake he's asleep. I really hope this doesn't continue on for too long, else we'll have no clue what's going on in each others lives. Mind you, Adam has always been a night owl where as I like to be tucked under the covers by 10pm. He'd rather go out and really, I'd rather stay in. His body temperature is always so cold and mine is so hot. Just little differences.

I am about to get my license changed over to my married name, only cost £20 so I don't mind. I am still putting off doing my passport because it costs a small fortune that we don't have right now. Wednesday is pay day and that means time to pay all the bills, maybe there might be a little something left over so I can treat myself to a new outfit. My wardrobe is so outdated. Mind you, nothing fits me since I've put on so much weight. Need to shift the pounds before the summer arrives properly. Always a weight issue.

My three goals for 2010;

• Go back to University *check*
• Loose Weight ****erm...
• Pass my driving test ****erm ...

So far two out of three, but I have set myself the goal of August to have achieved the last two. Really, I dont think I'm asking for much. It'll just take a little will power! xx

This month marked my one year wedding anniversary, April 18th to be exact. To think that a whole year has gone by already is something I can completely believe. Because it has been a difficult year and Adam & I have been through a great deal. Both as individuals and as part of a duo. I've had health problems and Adam has had a very difficult time finding steady work. As a couple who never really had the opportunity to live together and get to know one another at that level, it has all be quite a lot. We were and suppose still are, in the process of adjusting to one another, so if you add on top of that other external stress, it makes for a turbulent year. And I had to wonder if our love and committment to each other was strong enough to make it through. We regularly have to take time out and seriously discuss the state of our marriage and reconnect with one another. I didn't expect for married life to always be wonderful and rosy, I knew we would have difficult times and I'm glad that Adam and I are able to always remain on the same page of wanting us to succeed.
I know that as a married couple, we still have lots to learn, after all we are just babies in the marriage game. Lot's to learn about what we want from each other and lot's to learn about how to best get along and make time for each other. But I know, with all that we've been through already, we can always come back to a place of love. And as long as we have that, we will always have a reason to keep on going.

Adam & Shermeen married since 18/04/09

Musing for 2010

I find myself with so much to think about now that we enter a new year. Mostly about mistakes I've made and things I didn't do right. Changes I want to make, to myself, for myself. And for my future with Adam.

I don't know if I feel like I'm living life, most days I just feel like I'm existing. Going through the day by day routines but getting very little pleasure out of life. I think that's the difference between living and existing, whether or not you're happy with life and get any pleasure out of the things you do. There are things that I do occasionally that bring me joy, like spending the day with my nieces and nephews or having dinner and drinks with friends. Of course spending time with Adam brings be joy, he is my love. But my job, doesn't bring be any joy. Any pleasure. Any level of purpose or fulfilment. And I feel I need more direction in this area of my life. What career path do I want to choose, because at this point in my life I still have time to choose but it has to be the right choice.
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Not a good day

I do try, but sometimes no matter which way I bend, I get it wrong. Sometimes Adam can be so mean and hurtful, not only in what he does but just in the way he acts or looks at me. Well, I'm not in the mood to argue. He can stay mad all by himself. Today was a horrid day from hell. Working in retail at Christmas is awful, its non-stop and most people are so freakin rude and miserable! And I hate, hate with a purple passion that I can't tell these difficult rude customers where to shove that stick in their hiney!
So after a long day of standing at work, its finally home time, only to discover that due to the snow the traffic and buses are backed up. At the station most of the routes were cancelled and all others delayed. Scores of people, including little old me, waiting in the cold ice for a bus that might not come and if it does, might not get on. Ugh! Long story short, it took me 2 hours to get home when normally it takes me 20mins. I could walk home in 1 hour if I had the right shoes or weather. But cause everything was messed up, my journey time multiplied. And as if that wasn't bad enough my cheap Ugg wannabes let water in and my feet were soaked. Wet feet on icy concrete, not a good feeling. I know I sound like a moany baby, but I haven't even told you the best part yet...I get to wake up tomorrow at 7am and do it all over again! YAY! xx
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Broody Pill

I come to discover that I've reached a certain age or stage in my marriage, one of the two, where I get uber broody. I see babies and pregnant women and long to experience that for myself. To experience motherhood and family life, because I think that's really what its all about. Adam and I have spoken at length about starting a family and it certainly is something we both want, just in the future. We've agreed countless times it makes more sense to wait until we've had our time together and are settled before bringing a child into the equation. And we'll hopefully be settled in the US in four to five years and can start our family then. Of course, common sense doesn't turn that broody feeling off. And I'm all too aware that once a woman hits a certain point the number of healthy eggs she has depletes. Well, maybe they'll make a pill for that broody feeling. Even though Adam hates it, I was watching The Hills today and Spencer and Heidi are on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to starting a family. They seem financially pretty set up and maybe if I adam and I were in that situation we might consider starting a family sooner. However, I wouldn't stop taking my birth control without telling Adam. Sometimes I forget or can't be bothered, which would cause us panic every few months. But now I have a sweet deal where Adam brings me water each night so I don't forget.

We're also still trying to move out of my family home. But with Christmas around the corner and Adam still out of work, its not looking too hopeful. Just crossing my fingers.
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Marriage is a learning experience

I don't have a lot of friends, I don't trust many people enough to let them in. I do have a lot of acquaintances, but my true friends I can count on one hand. And the only people I can depend on and call upon anytime, any place, my two best friends from high school, Shadi and Charlotte. And Adam. And I like it that way. Even if I didn't, I'm not entirely sure how to make friends or where to make friends. I know you always have to start somewhere but you can't compete with 10 years of friendship. Its not like when you're young and your best friend changes almost daily. I'm older now and a great deal more cautious with who I give my secrets too, I guess that's because I've been burned too many times. Whilst I don't frequently fall out with my girlfriends, Adam and I are all too often falling out and having little periods where we don't talk to each other. I suppose our spats are more to do with the romantic side of our relationship than the friendship side. And I guess they last so long because of pride. Just an unwillingness to back down or apologise first. Marriage is certainly a learning experience, learning what each others breaking points are. Learning how not to push each others buttons. But also learning to want to reconcile, learning to apologise first and forgive. I'm not always great at it, but you have to keep trying. Keep making the effort. Otherwise you'll just end up having a miserable forever after!

We had snow in London today but it didn't settle, I'm hoping that it'll snow over night and settle. A white Christmas would be awesome!!!

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An American in Paris

I'm feeling forever tired, but forever hopeful that eventually my body with get enough rest.

Today was a pretty stressful day at work, with demanding customers. What is it about the holiday season that causes people to go a bit nuts, cuckoo just generally nasty and demanding. I like to think of myself as good customer, friendly. Only demanding when something is wrong, and forever willing to rationally come to a solution. Guess its my many years in retail. But I'm sure if many of these consumers spent a day working in retail they'd have a whole new respect for the sales girl/boy.

My husband got himself a library card and has been bringing home an abundance of books. Today, since he's learning french, he came home with books and cds for learning. Since I'm super awesome, I'd already purchased a cd/book learning set! Personally, I like buying books and having them to keep and re-read. Build up a collection, a mini library! Lol
Still, his French learning will come in handy for when we go to Paris next year for my bfs 25th birthday.

Well, gonna head to bed. Uber tired!
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