Day 12 of my 30 Blogging Challenge

Day 12: How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Before Blogger was in my life, there was a little love I like to call Journal Land. I'm not a blogging virgin, in fact this blog is a transplant. I used to belong to the wonderful community that was AOL Journals, before AOL decided to ruin everything by putting an end to journals and shutting us all down. I searched for a new home for my words and came across Blogger who did all the hard work for me by transporting my journal from one site to another. 
When I was part of the AOL journal community, I had two blogs. When I first started out I wrote under the title of Public Thoughts and that's exactly what it was. My thoughts made public for the world to read. And then as I grew and changed, I created Sherms In The Middle. I still have my old blog for reference sake. I write because I love to write, I love to read and I love to connect with people. Some of the people I am closet to are bloggers and ex-bloggers I've never met. Go figure.

Day 11 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Day 11: Another picture of you and your friends

This is a picture of me and some of my closet work girlies. We met up on Wednesday to celebrate my visa approval with dinner and a movie. Of course, there had to be wine too. We watched Crazy Stupid Love and I have to say, it was great. I laughed my hiney off, for sure it will be a movie that I'll buy when it comes out on dvd. I've worked with all of these girls and I can say they are my firm friends, I don't think distance will make a difference. And we're already discussing a holiday together next year.

Day 10 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Day 10: Songs you listen to when you're Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad


This one is difficult, only because I can't pin down one song for each emotion. I might have a couple songs I put on when I'm bored or sad, I usually have a whole playlist for each emotion.


Happy: 
3. Ke$ha, Tik Tok
2. Bob Marely Ft Lauren Hill, Good Lovin (this is Adam and my song, so I love listening to it, reminds me of when we were younger)
1. Mary J. Blige, Just Fine

Sad:
3. Mary J. Blige, Not Gon' Cry
2. Jill Scott, Comes To The Light (Everything)
1. Aretha Franklin, It Hurts Like Hell

Bored:
3. Edith Piaf, La Vie En Rose
2. Donnell Jones, Where I Wanna Be
1. Alicia Keys, Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart

Hyped: 

3. David Guetta Ft Akon, Sexy Chick

2. Kelis, Acapella

1. Kelly Rowland Ft David Guetta, Commander 

                                    

Mad:

3. Carrie Underwood, Before He Cheats

2. Jazmine Sullivan, Bust Your Windows

1. Pink, So What

                                    

Day 9 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Day 9: Something you're proud of in the past few days


I haven't really done anything in the past few days, I've just been working or seeing friends. Of course, I'm pleased that I managed to keep my cool long enough to get approved for my visa but that's not something that I'm proud of.
Should I be worried that I haven't done anything to be proud of? 

Approved

This little lady has been approved for her Green Card!


*Now I feel super silly about stressing over the interview*

Emotional...you don't say

The best quote from this weekend came from my four year old niece who when told about my interview on Wednesday, said to me; "I know they won't let you in Auntie Shermeen because when I went to America, I told them not to". You've got to love kids. My nephew however was a little kinder and told me that even though he would miss me, he knew I would be very happy to be with Unlce Adam again and hopes they say yes.
Everyone has been super nice and encouraging, if it only came down to whether or not we had a genuine relationship, I wouldn't be worried. But I have no idea about all the nitty gritty of how this process works and what exactly they look for. I remain nervous...and a little less excited.  This morning whilst talking to the husband I had a little emotional breakdown. We've come to realize that it's just not financially possible for me to ship all my belongings with me right now. We just can't afford it and my current pay cheque won't cover it, so I'll be leaving quite a bit back here to ship at a later date. Which made me very emotional. The thought of having to say goodbye to my family and friends and to not have any of my personal belongings just overwhelmed me. I've never moved out of home before and I'm very close to my family, so to be saying goodbye to everything I've ever felt connected to at one time just seemed like too much. We discussed it and whilst I realize that the priority is to be together, it doesn't mean that I won't have girlie breakdowns from time to time. So if approved it'll just be me and two suitcase, not sure how much I can fit into them yet and I don't want to bring anything that can't be replaced. I've had the experience of luggage getting lost and having to go through insurance companies for it all to be replaced, I don't want to experience that again. Honestly, I think all the airlines/airports like loosing luggage once in awhile, they money they make at auction for lost belongings is ridiculous. And I don't understand how they loose luggage in the first place, it's all supposed to be scanned at the destination. I guess I should stop because I can go on all day about that, I shall just end by saying I lost the most beautiful clothes in that suitcase. Wasn't happy.


Tomorrow I'm going to have my hair treated and trimmed. I cannot tell you the last time I went to the hair dresser but I'm in desperate need, I've miss-treated my hair something rotten. In fact, it needs relaxing...you know, that creme crack...but I refuse to do it whilst my hair is in such bad shape. And I'm gonna go have my eyebrows threaded, I don't know about you but just having those two beauty regiments taken care of makes me feel a ton better. I shall hopefully be feeling like a million bucks tomorrow and if I'm lucky that feeling will continue for Wednesday and give me a little confidence boost!
I'm also excited to try my hand at vlogging later this week, I've got your questions and I'm really excited to answer them. If you want to ask a question but haven't, it's not to late. Be bold people of blogger land.


If Wednesday doesn't go well, I really don't know what I'll do. First I shall drown my sorrows in wine and dessert, then cry and drown my sorrows some more. I would hate to think about going through this immigration journey again to bring Adam back to the UK. I'd hate to think about telling Adam that he has to move back to the UK, that would NOT be a fun conversation.
I guess, I'm just gonna ask everyone to wish me luck...please...

Day 8 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Day 8: Short term goals for the month and why
I think I was looking forward to answering this one least, just because I have so few goals for this month. In fact I have very few short term goals in general, simply because I have no idea what's going to happen in the next few days. And if I do get approved, I have no idea of what to expect of life in TN. Obviously, most important is to have a successful immigration interview later this week. I have been nervous and excited mostly but I honestly have no idea what to expect. And I am concerned in case they want some evidence I can't provide. All I can do is wait and see. I'm trying not to get stressed out about it but we'll see how I do on the actual day.
If I do get approved, I want to spend as much time with friends and family as possible. And just go about life in general. See, this one was so short and boring. Basically, no short term goals except to get approved. Ta Da! xx

to Vlog or not to Vlog

Thank you everyone for the response to my last post, I learnt the hard way that it's important to be mindful of what you put into your body. Balance is key and you have to listen to your body and recognize when something is wrong. 
I was amused by the response I had in regards to husbands/fiances/boyfriends reading your blogs. Adam used to read my old blog, when we were first dating he was very interested to know what I was thinking (about him) and generally what my life in London was like. Nowadays, he's not overly interested. He knows I have a blog but he doesn't have a very large online presence, he'd much rather not have an online presence full stop. So he doesn't use facebook very often, he doesn't email anyone. The only thing he does online is visit you tube to learn new songs on his banjo. I'm not sure if I'd like him to read my blog now, not that I moan about him or anything but I like having a little private space of my own. He has his own hobbies, fishing, shooting, banjo playing. And I have my hobbies, reading, blogging, connecting with folks online. I think if I move, I might try and get the husband to write a blog entry. I'm sure he'll be reluctant but I'm also certain I could trade him something. Yes, we trade each other things. If he wants me to do something I don't want to do, we'll make a trade. We also like to bet each other things; who someone in a movie is, what veal is (I got that one way wrong, don't ask me how I thought veal was a baby seal). The bets are fun because we're both super competitive, when we played tennis last year he almost done himself an injury! I've learned though that it's much better to have Adam on my team than against me, together we're unstoppable *insert evil laugh*
Do you think your significant other would write any entry for your blog?
Also, I've been toying with the idea of doing a video entry. And then earlier this month Larissa over at Miss Larissa Bree, did a video entry answering questions that her readers asked. So you wonderful people of blogger, do you have any questions for me? I like to think that I'm a pretty open book but if you've got a burning question for me or just wanna hear me talking to the camera, leave a comment and let me know! I'll try to answer them next Friday 30th September. BTW, if you're expecting an accent, don't. Apparently I don't have one anymore.


Oh guys, I just wanna take the time to wish my new friend Eve good luck. She has her fiancee visa interview tomorrow at the US Embassy in central London. If all goes well she'll be reunited with her lovely yank later next month.

Both of the ladies I mentioned above have wonderful blogs that I have recently found. I recommend checking them out if you haven't already.

Day 7 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Day 7: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Our first photo together, Jacksonville airport December 2004.
The husband looks so sad because I was leaving but it started a tradition
where we take a picture at the airport when we say goodbye.  

I say Adam has had the greatest influence on me because we've grown and changed together, he's shaped me and I've shaped him. He's helped me to overcome a lot of insecurities though it's still a work in progress. We met when we were eighteen, when we were very different people but we're still very much in sync. Though he does drive me crazy at times.

Anal Tears and Finger Fears...My Botox Story

You might remember this as part of my Day 1, 30 Day Blogging Challenge:
*I've had a botox injection before...in my anus*
I promised I would explain the story, I knew that I blogged about it and was planning to just link back to it but then I realised that I'd posted in my old blog. So I shall copy and paste any  snippets I can find of this long and embarrassing story.

Monday 26th September 2005:
...Adam's been real concerned, he doesn't like the fact that I seem to get ill quite frequently. Which I'm not 100% sure is true. I do fall ill more often than him but I think that's to be expected when he has the nice Florida sunshine and I have...grey skies and rain. Typical English weather. But last night I was telling him about a little medical problem I have, a rather painful yet highly embarrassing one. I managed, though the miracle of modern technology, to diagnose my problem online. Read up on all the symptoms, what can be done to help and decided it best to go to the doctors. But that didn't stop him from waning to know what was wrong. It's not anything serious but it's not the best topic of conversation, especially when I'm trying to remain this sexy English fox from across the water. Still, he managed to guilt trip me into telling him....It's medical term is an Anal Fissure. It's not anything serious but its not exactly hot lunch room conversation either. But it's an actual medical condition that causes pain...and boy was I in pain yesterday.

I hobbled along to the doctors office and managed wrangle myself an appointment...There have only been a handful of really embarrassingly awkward moments in my life but I would certainly put today down and at the top of the list too!

The doctor said it could be one of two things: 1) Piles (which, I don't know exactly what they are but I don't want them. My old mean German teacher had them once. She was in lots of pain and we were happy that week she was out having surgery) or 2) an Anal Fissure *see how good I am at diagnosing myself* but for him to be sure, he'd need to examine the area and perhaps insert his finger.

I have to say, that examination, though not painful, is right up there with my first full Hollywood wax (please tell me you know what a Hollywood wax is? Well, it's when they don't leave a hair anywhere. I mean, anywhere. Not back nor front nor anywhere. And I'm telling you, it's almost impossible to have a conversation with someone about your holidays and the weather when they've got their hand in an area it really shouldn't be).

He thankfully didn't probe with his finger where the sun definitely doesn't shine, and was able to confirm both his and my suspicions and medicate me accordingly. 
One of the things Adam said when I told him last night is that I need to eat more fiber. One of the things my doctor said over and over again was that I needed to eat more fiber. But when? how? I barely have the time to eat now. And I most certainly don't think about what I'm eating. It's whatever is nearest and quickest (sigh) so I'm gonna get these fiber drinks the doctor man recommended, a kinda short cut to regular bowel movements. And I guess until everything's back to normal, I won't be prancing around the place like a monkey but trying to take things slow.

Oh, have to tell you. There was one point when I laughed in my doctors face. He said that he thought I could be lacking fluids and need to drink more water, because a lack of fluids can make your stools really hard and compressed. Could make them like a brick. Now, I'm not sure how many of you have heard of this expression, but I realised that it's true. A person can "shit bricks". It's rather painful but totally possible.

Saturday 8th October 2005:
...I didn't go to work today cause this whole butt situation isn't completely healed. It took a week for the pharmacy to get the cream the doctor prescribed, I went there during the week and they took my telephone number and said they'd call when it came in. How convenient that when I called them, it had just come in that morning- I wasn't buying it for a second!

The directions on the box call for me to apply it twice daily both inside and around the area. What!? I said to Adam, ain't no way my fingers going up there. He's telling me that I should just put a glove on and stick it up there, else I can't expect it to heal properly. Eek! I don't wanna do it but tonight I'm gonna be assuming the position and violating myself in ways that are painful to just think about.

OMGosh! I almost forgot. I was in so much pain yesterday and my friend asked me what was wrong. It is embarrassing but I bit the bullet and told her that I have an anal tear. Guess what she said: "Oh my god, you freaky girl!" I don't think I have to tell you what she thought I was getting up to!

I can't find anymore entries, every time I go through looking for more I end up reading my old posts and thinking about all the time that has gone by. I shall just write the rest myself.

Adam coined the term "franken-butt" as in Frankenstein. It's odd to think that this originally started back in 2005 because it's been a constant annoyance in the back of my mind since then. When I first had the fissure, I changed my diet and I was so much more conscious of what I ate. I tried creams and suppositories to fix the problem but it didn't help. Most days all I could do was take pain killers and lay in bed. I wouldn't be able to use the bathroom without running a bath beforehand so I could go right from the toilet to soaking in the tub. I always had the strongest painkillers possible but nothing helped. I can't remember how many months later it was but I was finally referred to the hospital. The NHS waiting list is long but I was scheduled for surgery in 2006, about a month before I went to Florida for the Summer. That was when I had the botox shot. The idea was that the tear couldn't heal properly because each time I used the bathroom, it would open up again. And the muscle would spasm, which is what would cause most of the pain. 
I will tell you that it worked, however last year I went back into hospital to have some hemorrhoids removed. Again, it was a long period of pain and going back and forth to the doctor before I was even referred to the hospital. I had a lot of time away from work and tried a lot of over the counter treatments including a local anesthetic. 
I've had an endoscopy, which included an enema beforehand. It was the most horrid experience of my life. They preformed it before the hemorrhoids were removed and I didn't get any kind of help with the pain. They've checked for any possible causes for these problems but for now it just seems like I'm unlucky. I avoid eating foods that I know I have a reaction to and I'm always aware of how much water I drink and how often I use the toilet, which might sound odd to most people.  So there is my long botox story. But whether it was in my face or in my anus, I've had botox. I'm right up there with those real housewives! 

Day 6 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Day 6: Your favorite Superhero and why


I don't really go in for the whole superhero thing, I'm not a huge comic book fan or anything. I remember when I was in High School we had to write a presentation for English class on our hero. Most people wrote about their mother or older sisters, I wrote about Mel B. What can I say, I was a big Spice Girls fan. And for a young girl, it was great to look up to someone who wasn't afraid to be themselves. She embraced everything about herself and I could really respect that. Of course, now I'm older and a lot more confident than I was when I was 13.
This question seems really loaded to me but I'm gonna give it my bestest shot.


My favorite fictional Superhero is Dark Angel, played by Jessica Alba. I was devastated when the show got cancelled after the second season. It's basically the store of a genetically altered female, living in a post apocolyptic world. She's desperate to find her "siblings" who she escaped from the secret government facility with. Along the way she encounters Logan Cale, played by Micheal Weatherly (Jessica Alba's ex-fiance, he's now in NCIS), a hacker who's trying to bring down corrupt officials and make the world a better place. Anyway, I thought it was a kick-ass show.


The hero of my life has to be Adam. He's really helped me to become a stronger person and every time I'm ready to give up, he's always there to build me back up again. He's helped me to see so many wonderful things about myself and I'm slowly realizing all that I'm capable off.

Day 5 of my 30 Blogging Challenge

Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been

Florida. Need I say more, so beautiful. I love the beach.


Ps: I'm about two days behind on blogs. Trying to catch up. Off on Monday so I def will by then.

Day 4 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Day 4: A habit that you wish you didn't have


I'm picking two because...well, it's my blog!
Procrastination.
In psychology, procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time -wiki
Impatience.
lack of patience; intolerance of or irritability with anything that impedes or delays -free dictionary 

Day 3 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Day 3: A picture of you and your friends
This one was hard for me, only because my best friends and I find it difficult to coordinate our schedules so that all four of us are together. Since we've grown up we've all moved to different parts of the country and we've all got very different schedules. It's disappointing, especially considering I might be moving out of the country shortly. But without these girls, there is no way I would have made it through high school. All of my best memories from 13 to present day, involves one of these ladies. I just hope that we continue to be in one another's lives because they've made mine wonderful.

This one's an oldie but a goodie. Taken on my 23rd birthday celebrations xx


**After looking I found a slightly more recent one of the four of us, taken Jan 09**

Day 2 of my 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Day 2: The Meaning Behind Your Blogger Name


Sherms In The Middle
*because I'm in the middle of my twenties
*because I feel like I'm in the middle of who I am and who I want to be
*because I'm the middle child
*because Malcolm In The Middle is an awesome show
*more recently, because I'm in the middle of another immigration journey

30 Days of Blogging Challenge

Day One: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself. 

I'm not quite sure what'll pass for interesting these days but I'm willing to give it a shot.


1. When I was a child I was obsessed with Eddie Murphy and would pretend that I was his wife and we had children. I slowly grew out of it but after the Mel B scandal, I can't bring myself to see him as anything other than an ass.
2. As if number one didn't tell you, I am a huge Spice Girls fan. I grew up on them but never quite grew out of them. I had the clothes, the bedspread, the music, the posters...up until about three months ago when I started downsizing to move, I even had their collectible postcards. 
3. I am sandwiched between two older brothers, a younger sister and younger brother. I do not like being the middle child. I feel like too much was placed on my shoulders and harbor buried resentment over this. I still struggle with this but the husband is teaching me how to put myself before my family...he hasn't taught me how to deal with any guilt this leaves me with. 
4.When I flew to Florida to meet the husband for the first time, I went alone. I told a handful of friends what I was doing but kept my family totally in the dark. My mum thought I was going with a friend to look at colleges. I got a lot of heat for it, especially from my other brothers but love makes you do crazy things. And thankfully, it all worked out perfectly.
5. I am afraid of birds. Need I say more? Pigeons especially. Come visit London and have a pigeon fly directly at you or poop on your head, then tell me that birds are harmless.
6. I love to bake but haven't done so in years. Whenever I buy baking utensils purely for my baking, someone in my house will mistreat them and it'll no longer be fit for purpose. My pet peeve is when the non-stick plating is scratched off. Hopefully, once Adam and I have our own home I can do a lot of baking.
7. Reading is what I love to do above everything else. If I have a good book, don't even try talking to me or getting me to go out with you. From the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep, I will be buried in that book. Of course, if it's not such a great book, I'm all yours.
8. Up until the age of 19, I spoke pretty good German. Unfortunately its one of those things where "if you don't use it, you loose it". I hope to pick it back up again soon, when I have time on my hands. I've been to Germany a few times and did a two week exchange whilst I was in college.
9. I get incredibly frustrated with people who have no ambition. I think that is the main problem with society today, esp young people. They want fame and glory and think that silly shows like Jersey Shore or Big Brother are the way to get it. They lack direction and integrity. I feel angry when I see young people who don't want to make anything of their lives and just sit at home expecting everyone else to take care of them. Now, I know its not easy to get started. I don't have the best job in the world, I'd probably be financially better off not working (which is insane, my government needs to sort that out!) but I guess I'm just not made like that. 
10. Last year I went back to school for Creative Writing (anyone who's read my blog for the past year knows how that turned out) and it was the best time of my education experience. I was wary that I was a little too old, older than the other students but I enjoyed not only being encouraged to write but having to read my work to others. That is intimidating but I learned a whole lot more about myself.
11. My husband and I technically met online but I actually met him through his brother. Before I was Shermeen0621 with Aol, I was Shermeen2106 with Aol. One day my instant messenger started to send out messages all over the world and one got sent to Adams brother. I changed my screen name but we continued emailing and instant messaging and became good friends. A couple weeks later I met Adam online and I guess as they say, the rest is history.
12. I didn't kiss a boy until I was 17 and it is something I regret even to this day. I suppose I could equate it to other girls regretting sleeping with a guy. I was at a party and I got stupid drunk and kissed him because all my other friends had kissed guys and I hadn't. If I could go back I would slap myself really hard across the face and say "No!".
13. I worry that when I move to the US, I'm gonna miss my nieces and nephew so much that I'm gonna wanna get pregnant right away. Adam and I talk almost every day about having children. He wants them in the next two years whilst I want to wait about four years...of course, I worry that my emotions and hormones might get the best of me.
14. I've had a botox injection before...in my anus. A very long story.
15. Before Sherms in the Middle, I had another blog called Public Thoughts. It's all closed up now but I keep it so I can look back on the memories. I've adjusted to blogger but I really miss the community of AOL journals.

10 yrs later. Sept 11th 2001.

If there is ever a day, an event, that will forever be in our memories, it is September 11th 2001, when 2,996 innocent people lost their life.

2996

It is easy to miss the enormity of that number. 2,996 people. 2,996 friends and family members. Mothers, Fathers, Husbands, Wives, Grandchildren, Best Friends. For those who lost someone they love, 9/11 is just another day without the person they love. Yes, it's an anniversary of sorts but 10 days or 10 years doesn't diminish the pain of their loss. And it's important to remember that each number represents a person.
When I first signed up for Project 2,996, I got to know a woman named Dianne Synder - albeit posthumously. Each year since then, I always think of her. Her smiling face enters my mind, I think of her children and husband and she's never just a number. For nineteen years she had worked for American Airlines and was on board AA Flight 11 when it stuck the North Tower. 

Along with her husband John, she raised their two children Leland and Blakesee in Westport, MA where they had built a colonial-style farmhouse. 
In these ten years I cannot help but think about all the things Dianne missed out on. Taking her daughter shopping for prom dresses, seeing her children graduate and attend college, eventually watching her children get married. I cannot imagine the personal journey that grief took her children on, their quiet resilience is testimony to their upbringing.  They however, are not her only legacy, in their home town a scholarship is offered in her name to students studying teaching. Before postponing her career to raise her family, Dianne had qualified as a special education teacher and had planned to renew her credentials once her children were grown. Before the events of September 11th 2001, I imagine Dianne would have spent her days tending to her garden, her latest hobby. Or perhaps making a quilt, not unlike the many she'd made before for friends and family. And perhaps she'd had plans to play tennis at the weekend at the Dartmouth indoor club where she was a member. 
To know her or about her life, I am certain there is something everyone can relate to. I'm not a fantastic tennis player and I could never imagine having enough patience to teach children but I am a wife. The story of how John Synder drove 14 hours on a rainy night in 1983 to ask Dianne to marry him reminds me of my own relationship. It reminds me of the crazy things you do...like get in a car and drive cross country or on a transatlantic flight...that make so much sense when you're in love. 

"These acts shattered steel but they cannot dent the steel of America's resolve"
I cannot quite explain the emotions I feel behind September 11th. I remember when I first heard about the attacks, sitting in my politics class and watching the news with our teacher. I don't think at that time I could fully acknowledge the devastation, today I think of the lives lost and the family members they left behind. When you look at each individual person who died and the loved ones they left behind, it is overwhelming. 
"Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings but they cannot touch the foundation of America"
I am not an American but I feel so proud of America, of the American people and their determination not to let this ruin their nation. I shall continue to remember not just Dianne but the other 2995 people who's stories I have yet to learn.

I'm a lotto winner!

Before you worry that I've had millions transferred to an offshore account and changed my name, let me just say...I'm a lotto winner of £7.60! Guess I'll be cancelling that luxury yacht.


The winning numbers for Friday's Euromillions draw:


05 21 28 31 34 and the lucky stars were 01 02

I only had four people respond in time to play their numbers. Then I chose 28 because its the date of my interview. And 01 and 02 for the lucky stars because 21 is my lucky number. My birthday, Adams birthday, the date we got engaged, the date he moved here, the date our application was accepted...21 just seems to be a reoccurring number in our lives.


Of course the tricky question is what to spend the winnings on! 

Project 2996

Project 2996 is an online event that I participated in a few years back where bloggers and website owners write a entry about someone who lost their life during the September 11th terrorist attacks.


Ideally, 2996 people would take part in this event and each pick a person to write about, however this year they are very short on writers. I urge everyone who reads my blog to check out this site and write about someone. If you don't feel up to this task, please advertise Project 2996 on your blog so that word gets out. 


This event is purely about remembering those who lost their life and I would hate to think that by Sunday, there aren't 2996 people taking part. 

"The tributes should celebrate the lives of these people–kind of like a wake. Over the last 10 years we've heard the names of the killers, and all about the victim’s deaths. This is a chance to learn about and celebrate those who died. Forget the murderers, they don’t deserve to be remembered. But some people who died that day deserve to be remembered–2,996 people."

I've got a golden ticket!

I've got a golden pink ticket!


I purchased a lotto ticket after work today with the numbers you lovely ladies picked. And then I chose one more, as well as the lucky stars. I'm not sure what time they do the draw but I'll check the numbers in the morning and see if we win!

Our numbers are: 02, 04, 09, 11, 28 and the lucky stars are 01 & 02!

One of my favourite pastimes is reading, so I'm super excited that the 2011 Man Booker short list has been released. Last year there were some fantastic reads that I'm still working my way through but now I have new books to add to my Amazon wish list.

The six books that made the short list are:

• The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes
• Jamrach's Menagerie by Carol Birch
• The Sisters Borthers but Patrick deWitt
• Half Blood Blues by Esi Edugyan
• Pigeon English by Stephen Kelman
• Snowdrops by A.D. Miller

I really can't decide which of these books I want to read first because they all sound amazing and its even harder to determine which one might win. I'm certain it'll take me some time to get through reading them all but I'm excited to compare my decision to that of the judges.

At present I'm reading The Bell Jar and to be honest, it is draining on me. I just haven't connected with it the way I usually do with great books. However, I am determined to persevere and finish it. Hopefully enjoy it...though I don't think its a book to be enjoyed but certainly to be appreciated.

Hopefully I'll be leaving London next month (crossed fingers) but I will be missing out on the most exciting event to happen in a long time...The London 2012 Olympics!

I don't play a lot of sports, perhaps if I did I'd be in better shape but I certainly enjoy watching them, especially the athletics.I watched the World Championships in Daegu, Korea this year. In fact athletics are usually a family event, we all sit down and cheer on the team/country/athlete we want to win. I was so impressed with Russia this year, they have some fantastic athletes. Of course, I route for Britain whenever I can. I love Jessica Ennis, anyone who can compete to her standard in seven events is amazing. It's a shame that she didn't dominate again this year but I'm certain that the home field advantage next year will see her back on top. 

I was so disappointed for both Britain and the USA in the mens 4x100 metres relay. When the USA tripped I almost cried for them, so disappointing and they'd performed so well in the trials. Hopefully they'll come back better and stronger next year but did you see how fast Usain Bolt ran. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be the fastest man in the world, I think he really needed a strong win after being disqualified. Please tell me you heard about that? I'm not a fan of the new rules where runners are automatically disqualified after a false start. And I think the fact that the fastest man in the world couldn't compete in the 100 metres doesn't make much sense. For sure I'll be watching the Olympics next year, Adam tells me that America isn't so hot for athletics. I say "Why not America?" It's awesome. 

I'm gonna end this post with a little pet peeve I have at the moment. I love the new blogger interface but it automatically does a spell check as I type. And it seems to be set to American English. So when I type words like, favourite and colour and realise and hypnotise, I get that annoying read squiggle underneath. I am not happy about it and I can't imagine changing my "s" for a "zee" YICK! 

In IT to win IT

Chandra is the owner of a blog I've recently discovered. A couple days ago she asked: If you came into a windfall of money, what would you do with it?


Firstly, it would depend how much I won, £10.00 and £10,000 are very different amounts. 
For the sake of this blog post I'm gonna take the realistic figure of £126,000,000. Yes, that's almost $202,000,000. And yes, this is a realistic figure because its the prize of tomorrow nights EuroMillions.
♥If I won that amount I wouldn't be greedy, honestly that is more money that one person could ever need. I know a lot of people who are struggling, unemployed or newly married and trying to get on their feet. I'm certain they would appreciate a gift of a million pounds. I know many of my regular readers would.
♥I would buy my mum a new house, in a nice neighborhood. And a new car, automatic so that she doesn't have to worry about shifting.  
♥I would have a huge family holiday. My family have never met Adams and I would love for us all to get together and have fun. 
♥I toy with this daily but I might have a wedding. Yes, I'm married but Adam and I didn't really get the "wedding" that I would have liked. I'm not sure he really cares but I would like to have a vow renewal in a Church and have all our friends and family there. 
♥Did I mention I'd pay off all my debts. Credit cards and student loans, the whole shebang.
♥I'd buy a yacht or/and a holiday home.
♥I'd give money to the NSPCC and Great Ormand Street Hospital, I'm really all about charities that work for children.
♥I'd have a Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman, moment. I'd wear my regular, at home clothes and go shopping in a fancy department store and blow a few grand.


And don't worry, whenever we discuss winning loads the husband is always cautious and talks about putting it in a high interest account and living off the interest. Which is oddly the reverse for us. Usually, he's the one who spends without thinking and I'm the cautious one. I guess I've just been waiting for a windfall so I can go wild.


Oh and for people who I know but don't like enough to give a million pounds to, I'd like to introduce The Crystal Dome. Back in the day, I used to watch the show The Crystal Maze and dream of going on. It looked like so much fun. Of course, now that I'm older it just seems silly. But at the end they would enter the dome and have a certain amount of time to collect as many gold leaves as possible. I would have people enter the dome and try to collect as many £20 notes as possible. Check out this video I found (you can skip in to about 1 min 30 if you like):

Of course, all this depends on my winning tomorrow nights lotto. So I turn to you, my readers.
♥The first five readers to comment, please include a number between 1 and 50.
♥Then readers six and seven who comment, please include a number between 1 and 11.
The numbers will be played tomorrow. After all...You've gotta be in it to win it!

If you won or inherited £126,000,000 what would you do with it??? 

Sherms in the middle of discovering my true beauty ♥

Beauty is not in the face;
beauty is a light in the heart.

I'm used to seeing myself as less than other people. I look around and other girls seem to have an effortless beauty, effortless intelligence, effortless kindness. It's not that I can't be any of those things, its just that it seems to require so much more effort for me than others. And ultimately, I end up feeling like I can't be bothered. That life shouldn't be so difficult, therefore I wasn't meant to be smart, beautiful or always kind. I recognize the possibility that the glimpses I catch of other women, when they're looking stunning, might just be their "glam day" and the other 364 days of the year they look like me: someone who shows like The Swan were created for. But my own insecurities seem to cloud any common sense and I end up looking enviously at all these well put together women. My negative view of myself only hinders me. I start seeing myself a certain way and over a period of days, weeks, months and years, I slowly become that negative image. I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for but that negative picture of myself prevents me from having the confidence to try and possibly succeed.


I would like to be beautiful and glamorous and perhaps it is the curse of being a woman, that almost every woman out there can find something about her body/features that she would like to change. I do have a rather extensive list but I would like to get to a place in life where I have body confidence. It'll require not just working out and eating healthy but the ability to love the way I was made. To love myself.


I'm ready to change my life, change my perspective. "If you don't like something about yourself, change it" though I think it might be easier said than done, I'm ready to make the lifestyle changes necessary. I often think about who I am and where I am in my life. Decisions I should have made differently. I know mistakes are part of life, you get knocked down, get back up and try again. I'm not sure whether I've said this before or not but I appreciate the difficulties I've faced in life because I can learn from them. My blog name comes from the struggle, the journey I'm on to become the best me I can be. And I know it starts with loving myself and no longer putting myself at the bottom of the list.


In the coming years I hope that Adam and I can build a good life together, we really are quite simple at heart. And though I can name several ways in which we're different, we share the same core family values and do honestly want a simple traditional family life.


In the coming months I'm looking to improve on myself. I want to gain body confidence by loosing weight and learning to love my curves. I want to dedicate more time to my passions, writing short stories and baking. I want to continue on this journey of deepening my faith and I hope when I move I find a good Church. I want to find a career that I enjoy where I can help people, even if that means returning to school. And I want to enjoy my husband and watch my marriage grow and strengthen. 

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I love to love but my baby just loves to dance

Well, as most of you know, I'm still in England. Missing the husband. When Adam left back in January, we entered into this immigration journey knowing that it wouldn't be as easy as when Adam moved to the UK but we certainly didn't expect it to take this long.
When he first left, I was a mess. I'm glad that I kept this blog because I can look back and witness the journey I went through trying to know myself without him. And it's been a journey that has brought me closer to God, closer to my friends and family and has helped me to learn some new things about myself. To discover just how resilient I can be...once I stop crying that is.
What most of you who aren't my Facebook friends, why not, add me already, don't know, is that the end is finally in sight. I don't want to start counting my chickens just yet, though it is difficult because I am so looking forward to seeing the husband but we have an interview date scheduled. I'd been stalking the post man for the past two weeks, hoping he would deliver me that much desired letter. He hasn't. But where my postman failed, my dialing fingers did not. I called the Embassy on Saturday and was informed that my interview has been scheduled for the end of September. I don't want to give away the actual date until I have the letter in my hand confirming it, I'm such a superstitious freak, but we are so happy to know that if things go to plan, we can be together again NEXT MONTH!
In all honesty, I'm glad that its taken over seven months to get to this stage because I am finally at a place where I am at peace with going. I've had time to spend with my nieces and nephew, to ease them into the reality of my leaving. I've taken the time to get my mum schooled on how Facebook and Skype works so we can stay in touch. And I've had some really great nights out with my besties. 
Last month my best friend Charlotte stepped over the threshold into 26 and celebrated in the best way she knew how, a trip to a nightclub. We knew that it would probably be the last birthday I celebrated with her for the next few years and she wanted to do something special. I don't usually go out to nightclubs anymore, I feel a little too old for it all now but I love to dance. When I was between 18-22 I would go out dancing a couple nights a month. I'd get all dressed up and wear heels and dance until the wee hours of the morning before hopping on a night bus home.

Now, to stay up past 12am is a huge accomplishment and to last the whole night dancing in heels is a miracle. When did I get so old? I much prefer going for dinner and drinks with a few close friends not dancing in heels and being shoved by some sweaty guy dancing like a fool. But I have to say, she had the right idea because I had so much fun. Yes, my feat hurt so bad the next two days but we had a blast. If you're my Facebook friend you would have already seen the pictures, if you're not, seriously add me already! 


 

Susana, Charlotte and I ♥

Helen, Me, Susana, Charlotte and Kathy.
I really have no idea what we're doing here,
after the 3rd shot everything gets a little silly ♥

Silly fun, I'm not sure we pull off the tough girl look ♥

I can't even remember what these shots are, I'm usually a tequila girl
I think Apple Sourz and Strawberries & Cream? ♥

Check out the girl in the hot pantz...no wonder I feel old when
the youngsters come out dressed like this! ♥

We have one more night out planned later this month when Susana turns 27! I'm not yet ready to face that, thank goodness I still have time. But I don't think she's too concerned, he fiance just turned 30 and they're busy planning their wedding and looking for a house. I really think age is relative to whether or not you're happy with your life.I'm hopeful that before I move we can fit in another evening out together, I was planning on having a leaving get together but with so many of my friends scattered in different parts of the country, it is difficult.

Perhaps I should start making plans for moving now that I know the interview date but I'm still hesitant. I don't want to leave everything to the last minute because there really is so much to take care of but I don't want to make any plans in case anything goes wrong. Adam says I'm being silly because I really can't think of anything that would give them a reason to say no, but I still don't want to take the chance. He was talking about booking a ticket before the prices go up too much more but we have no idea how long it'll take them to send my passport back after the interview. I don't know, perhaps I'm being too cautious. I like to plan things out and know things for certain before I jump. Adam is more adventurous, he flies by the seat of his pants and leaps in. Which actually works for us because I can appreciate that I need to relinquish control every now and then. And he's the man to help me do it. 

So I turn to you, my faithful reader, should I start making plans as if I'm leaving or wait until I'm actually approved? 

♥ Should I call shipping companies and have them give me estimates?

♥ Should I hand in my two weeks notice at work so that my last day is just before my interview?

♥Should I contact the necessary companies to let them know I'll be moving and change my contact details?

♥Should I buy a plane ticket so I have a day to look forward to?

♥Should I start seeing all the people I want to see again before I leave?