Merry Christmas Love Nathan & Syan

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Me? A SuperWoman???

Aren't all women SuperWomen this time of year? I mean how do we manage to always get what everyone wants and pull of a great dinner and look fab doing it???

 

 

Well, I'm feeling much less Grinch like. I think its just the stress of working so much this past month that's taken its toll on me. It is more money, but honestly, this past month I've had all sorts of customers. Those that just won't take no for an answer...won't accept that I can't give them a refund...those that won't accept that I can't pull a Nintendo WII from my butt...thsoe that won't accept that I have a fiance. It just kinda puts a damper on Christmas when you're dealing with that stuff day after day. And some customers really take the biscuit (pls tell me taking the biscuit isnt just a British term otherwise none of yall will understand what I just said), super demanding. But I know none of you guys are like that when you're stressed over the holidays. I mean you'd never take it out on an innocent walmart employee would you??? lol!

I guess we all kinda go a little coo-coo over one day! lol! I mean, Jesus has the biggest birthday bash, but He never turns up, never blows out the candles. I guess when you're as big as he is you don't need to turn up.

Still haven't posted those Christmas tree pics that I wanted. Who knows, maybe i'll get to it in the new year, which coincidently will be when your xmas cards will arrive. Still haven't made it to the post office. It's a good thing yall are of the opinion that its the thought that counts! :)

Well, tomorrow is Christmas Eve and of course i'm working. I hope you'll have happy holidays.

Living in Grinch Land

 

 

Every Who                                                       
Down in Who-ville
Liked Christmas a lot...

But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Who-ville,
Did NOT!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Do you think that the weather has an effect on a persons personality? I'm feeling strangely like the weather today, COLD & MISERABLE! Ba HumBug!

I don't know, I get the feeling that i'm waiting for something to happen or change? For something to be different...but deep down I know nothing will change. Next year will be pretty much the same as this. It'll go by just as quick and i'll be in exactly the same place. No, i'm not feeling very optimistic. I guess I missed my sprinkling of hristmas hope and cheer. Working in retail will do that to a person. Ba HumBug!

Things between Adam and I are complcated too. I'm sure that its not just in my head that he's been a little unreachable of late. I'm hopeful (wow, guess I do have a little hope left) that once he goes back to Florida on Monday things will be better. We'll see.

I've done a fair bit of my Christmas shopping, I've just gotta buy some stuff for Adams family. Gotta do that before Tuesday to get free shipping in time for Christmas. Also, you guys will be getting your Christmas cards after Christmas because i've been too lazy to go to the post office. Sorry. But its the thought that counts. Ba HumBug!

Its so cold outside...but not too cold for me to go and get a beer. After today, I'm certain I need one.

We got our Christmas tree last weekend and its sitting nicely in our living room with dozens of pressies underneath. I'll try and post a picture in the week.

I hope everyone is doing well. Sorry there are no Christmassy pics or graphics in this entry but...Ba HumBug!!!

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Work Xmas Party 2008

I'm coming down with a flu or cold or something...been feeling pretty rough these last few days so i'm gonna head to bed and update properly another day. Just wanted to share a few work party pics. And yes, I have heard the jokes about putting the puppies away.

 

 

 

 

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Where is the time going?

 

 Where is the time going? I think December needs to slow down a little, i'm not sure that i'm ready for 2008 just yet.

 

I've been so busy these past few days. Tuesday I went kickboxing again, the first time in a long time, let's just say i'm still feeling it in all my muscles. ALL OF THEM. not the best move considering its the work christmas party this saturday.

 

I'm so saddened by the events of yesterdays shooting. We only just heard about it today and i've lots of people question America and its way of life. I think it'd be unfair to judge a whole country by the actions of a few unhealthy people. But one thing that people must question is the accessibility to guns and other such weapons, there is such a thing as making it too easy for people.

 

 

Tomorrow is Friday...I used to have a Thank God Its Friday feeling...but since i'm gonna be working all day every day until Thursday, I don't have too much to celebrate!

 

Its my brothers birthday tomorrow, he shall be 31...hehe...I don't know where i'll be or what my life will be like when i'm 31. I'm not in too much of a hurry to find out, but I hope i'll be happy.

 

Well, time to go window shopping online and then take my little hiney to bed!

 

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Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?

 

 

Hello December... I can't believe that this year is almost over. Where does the time go, seriously. I think later this month I'm gonna have a good think about this year, about 2007. So very much has happened, things I didn't expect EVER to happen. Some good things, but mostly bad things. Such is life. But I still feel blessed for so very many reasons and I hope that in 2008 I'll take the lessons I learnt this year and do better.

 

I started writing my Christmas cards yesterday and I've the addresses of most of you already, hopefully none of yall have moved otherwise a new family will be getting your Christmas card. But of course, i'll send an online Christmas greeting too.

 

We've been so busy at work recently, leading up to Christmas its to be expected. I like the holiday season but it sure is draining and working so much is making me more susceptible to colds and coughs. I don't like it but I can't afford to take a day off sick. I'm really in need of the money.

 

I've done most of my shopping but there are still one or two things on my list I need to get. I got Adam a nice thick jacket for when he moves to England, I'm not sending that over though cause it's too heavy and will cost me a small fortune to mail. There are four cd albums that he's asked for, Adam and I have VERY different tastes in music. I like to say mine is good and his is bad but i'm sure he'd say his is good. I'm certain i'll regret buying him these cds, I mean I always do because he'll just play them over and over and over again until I get to the point where I wanna step on them 'accidentally' or scratch them so they don't play. I know, i'm evil! I'm also making him a story book, back in '05 he made up a love story for me and I copied it down. Well, I started making him a story book of his story...I just never finished it. It took me ages just to do the 4 pages I did, lot's of cutting out and colouring in. Well, I reminded him of it yesterday and he says he wants me to finish the story and send it to him. I have to have it done by thursday saturday (next) because that's the last day for mailing things to the US and having it arrive on time.

 

For Christmas I've asked for a white gold charm bracelet, i've wanted one for years and he wants to get it for me. That way every year or special occasion he can get me a charm to add on. I'm also hoping for Carrie Underwoods 2006 cd, i'm in love with the songs Before He Cheats & Jesus Take The Wheel. I know, download it, but I like supporting the artist...and I guess i'm old fashioned in liking to have the cd to hold.

 

 

Next week is my work Christmas party, i'm really looking forward to it. I've got to get my hair done, buy my shoes and get a firming body. I need something to suck in my butt, stomach and boost my boobs. Apparently, even the celebs are wearing these things and they work wonders. You can get the ones just for your tummy or your tummy and butt but because I want a nice silhouette I'm going for an all in one. I never really get to dress up so I'm looking forward to it, i'll be sure to take my camera and post pics!

 

Well, i'm gonna go work on Adams card then get some sleep for my day ahead tomorrow. I had 2 starbucks coffees today, still yawning at 6:30. Don't think i've had a good lie-in forever! Its nice though because now i'm able to get up around 8:30 without too much of a struggle. Recently Adams been having a hard time getting himself outta bed for work. He's supposed to start at 5am but often he goes in for 7am instead and other days he doesn't go in at all. Its kinda an issue because we really need the money for the visa, he's thinking he might need to work when he goes to Florida just to have a little more money. Now, Adam usually has really good work ethic and i've said it to him. I think its just that because he'sa temp he earns really good money and he doesn't get in as much trouble if he doesn't turn up. He know he's making good money so missing one day doesn't mean as much as it used to. But we've talked about it so i'm hopeful he'll do what he needs to.

 

My neck and back is killing me, I slouch too much...also on my Christmas wish list is a plane ticket to NY so I can get a massage by Becky!!!

 

 

 

Happy Holidays

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Together Forever

 

My latest project is getting Adam here for good, I'm not sure if its fair to say its our lastest project cause we seem to have been working towards this goal forever. We just haven't gotten any closer. We have decided though to go with a fiance visa.

I'm not sure if anyone's familiar with what a fiancé visa to the UK involves so i'll give you the 411 (i recently discovered 411 means info so whenever I can I like to use it).

 

The minimum age to apply is 18...personally, I don't think i'd be ready to get married before 18...I'm not even sure that i'm ready to get married at 22...more on that one later. The sponsor (me) has to be present and settled in the UK. We have to show that we have met...don't think we'll have a problem there...We have to have adequate maintenance and accommodation without recourse to public funds. After the marriage there has to be adequate accommodation without recourse to public funds in accommodation which we own or occupy exclusively...just fine by us, not many couples would want to start married life living with family.

 

There is a long list of documents we have to submit with his application, supporting evidence of our relationship and intent to marry and ability to live without government help. Once the visa has been issued we have 6 months within which we need to get married. The visa application costs $1050...and here's what I think is the BESTEST YUMMIEST part...if his application isn't accepted, we DONT get back a penny of the money.

 

Adam wants to apply in the next two weeks so that he'll have his visa for early january, so i've a lot of running around to do. Oh and since we'd like to have a Church ceremony....guess who's going to Church Sunday?

 

The thought of being married to Adam thrills me to no end, i'm super excited...its the thought of the wedding that brings fear. Everyone else is far more excited than me and i'm starting to think something's wrong with me. In theory I love thinking about dresses and flowers...but today the thought of trying on a dress filled me with fear. I felt like a little girl trying on her mommas heels. Just kept thinking I was too young for wedding dresses. Again, i'm starting to think something's wrong with me.

 

I did see a few wedding dresses today that I'd been admiring online last week. Augusta Jones. Somehow I dont think i'll be getting one since they're far more than i want to spend, but maybe for our second wedding in 2010.

 

  

 

I'm most certainly a fan of the covered shoulders look and i'm loving lace and beading. Adam & I won't be able to afford to get married the way we'd like, the way we deserve and so we plan to have a committment ceremony in 2010 when we're ready to move from England to America for good.

 

There seems to be so very much going on at the moment. More than I could even begin to go into here. I also think that its the right time to be going back to Church because if ever there was a time in my life I was looking for guidance and support and reassurance, it'd be now.

 

I was hopeful for this year to be a good year but it turns out this wasn't to be my year. I'm hopeful for next year. I know that eventually it has to be my turn and so i'm staying optimistic. Hope yall are well. Thanks for stopping by & be sure to leave a link.

 

The Beaches of Cheyenne

 

Does anyone else not wanna get up this morning? Least most of you have a day off cause of Thanksgiving, the rest of us don't see a holiday until Christmas! I'm certainly proposing that the UK take up thanksgiving as a national holiday.

I'm feeling much better today. I had my talk with Adam and I got across everything I wanted and I think he actually listened and got what I had to say. Small victory for me!

I think sometimes my feeling of insecurity can overpower my rationality, especially when i'm feeling hormonal. But I know that my feelings of insecurity were grounded in real facts and so we talked. And I feel better this morning. I mean, Adam is a good guy. If he wasn't we wouldn't have made it this far.

Ok, gotta get ready for work.

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Friends In Low Places

My title doesn't have any relationship to my entry...just I like that song. I'm in a Garth Brooks kinda mood.

 

Happy Thanksgiving to ALL!

I know i'm a wee bit early but well, if I don't do it now i'll forget!

 

Things with me are good I guess. I finally started my xmas shopping, feels good. Hopefully it won't make me too poor. Adam and I have a lot going on at the moment, we're trying again to get in a position where we can get him a visa for England. I'm not getting too excited just yet cause I wanna wait until its more concrete. We'll see.

Things between us are...good? I think. I don't know. A lot has happened in what seems like a short space of time to me. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I guess i'm feeling like I need a little more attention, affection...some other A word...from him. Some kinda recent events between us have left me feeling a little more insecure than you're average 22 yr old in a long distance relationship would feel. But other recent events have left me in a situation where I don't want to put him under pressure, stress him out or upset him. So i'm sitting in a kinda limbo.

Its a kinda wait and see what happens situation...all aside from the fact that once he's here...we'll be getting married. In which case, the time for questions and knowing how we feel would be now. I mean, I don't doubt that I love him and wanna be with him or anything. But sometimes, geez I feel like I need to be a mind reader to have any idea of what's going on with him. I mean, knowing him and loving him will only get me so far into what's he's thinking or feeling. I can tell when somethings wrong, but i'll be damned if he's willing to let me in on it.

Its not so nice on the outside of someone else's thoughts or feelings. Its kinda cold. Lonely. And I get enough lonely being on the otherside of the Atlantic.

 

Oh well, we'll see how it goes. Enough all ready. I've got some honky tonk dancing to do to Garth Brooks.

Have a nice Turkey Day Folks xx

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Pinch Punch

Pinch Punch First of the Month

Should I tell you what I find really funny...AOL make all these changes to our journals...we can add pics and videos but they cant give us more than 9 sad fonts to choose from. Yeah, I know copy and paste but today I just can't be bothered.

Last night was Halloween...happy halloween for yesterday...we didn't really do much for it. Just so you know, Americans have Halloween dialed in. On this side of the pond we just don't and can't do it the same. I think most people were more concerned with the hour long special of Coronation Street than anything else. Mind you, my friends house and car did get egged so clearly some young wannabe thugs celebrate halloween.

I'm not having such a good day today, its my first day off in over two weeks and I'm not making very much of it. I don't know, Adam and I had a wee fall out last night so I think i'm still gonna be down about that until we put it behind us properly.

But i'm not one to sit and mope, i'm gonna go visit master nathan and miss chanae today. Hopefully they'll cheer me up. Right now i'm just enjoying not having to get out of my pjs...i'm gonna see if I can make it until the afternoon!

Have a good day all!

Living in Limbo

I really need to update my journal, the pictures in my about me section and my "other journals" section. But you know when you just can't be bothered? Its been almost three weeks since I ordered broadband from AOL...my wireless router still hasn't arrived yet. I'm giving them until Friday before I make a call, we've had a postal strike and I know that did affect the post some but it should be here by now. Anyway, once I get my broadband back everything will be much quicker and I'll be able to visit journals. As it stands at the moment it just takes ages to load anything with lots of graphics and I can't watch any of the videos you guy post. I know, its horrible. But isn't it funny how a few years ago just have dial up internet was a luxury? Just having regular cable set you apart. Now its all high speed internet access and hundreds upon hundreds of channels that you can pause and rewind all without a cassette or dvd. My how technology changes. Let's hope we start getting cures for cancer and reverses for pollution.

Things with me of late have been...ok...I still feel like my journal name is fitting because I still feel like i'm stuck in the middle of where I want and need to be. And I think i've passed that feeling on to Adam, the past few days he's been feeling really anxious and restless about not being here yet. About not have a concrete plan or schedule for when he can be here. I find that slightly amusing since a long time ago he told me he wasn't the planning type, that he'd rather fly by the seat of his pants. But I think the whole, three almost four years apart thing is getting to him. I don't know what I'd do if we got to five or six years apart. Immigration is tough, really tough. And its hard to know where to turn for legitimate support that isn't just about how much money they can get from you.

I've been working so much lately, trying to save money and pay off some bills. I've come to realise I don't like working...I don't dislike my job but I'm not into the whole getting up everyday, working 9-5, coming home, cooking, sleeping, getting up everyday, working 9-5...you get the picture. That's what I don't get about people who win millions on the lotto and then continue working. I think you all know where i'd be if I won the lotto...oh and of course, i'd have a wonderful destination wedding to which you'd all be invited...ok, can't start thinking about what would happen if I won the lotto cause i'll just end up in a funk.

Well, I don't suppose I have much of anything to say. Gonna head over to Facebook and then get ready for work. I hope everyone in Jland is doing well, i'll be stopping by soon.

Simple Girlie

 

Miss Chanae and Miss Syan

Miss Chanae

I just realised that I haven't shown any pics of my beautiful Chanae yet, so I thought I'd post some. She's so adorable and just turned 5months. The first one is of her and Syan, i'm sure most of you remember when Syan was born I posted loads of pics of her...and look at her now, she's only two but she looks huge in comparison to Chanae.

Its funny cause you kind of forget just how tiny babies are when they're first born and how they don't really do much of anything. But Chanae is very alert for her age and already has her two front teeth. She's had problems gaining weight but she's getting there now so hopefully buy Christmas she'll be nice and fat.

When that first picture was taken, Syan was just amazed by Chanae. She doesn't often get to see babies and she was watching my SIL holding Chanae and was holding her dolly the same way. Then she asked if she could hold her...I guess a doll just isn't the same. Mind you, these days you can get the ones that cry and talk and poop and all that jazz...

I have to say, i'm awfully tired. Thankfully my sister treated my brother to Fish & Chips so I don't have to cook. Just gonna curl up in front of the tv and watch a few dvds until Adam calls. Simple life for a Simple Girlie.

Tags: Chanae, Syan

Web Cams and Babies

Is it silly of me to FINALLY buy a web cam just so I can attempt a video entry? Can you believe it, Adam and I went three years of long distance love (and we're still not together yet, don't want to confuse anybody by using 'went') without ever using web chat or internet calling such as skype. Well, I just really wanna give this whole video entry thing a go, think i'll get quite a kick out of it. But first I have to wait for my wireless modem to arrive, how I miss broadband!

I met with Shadi and Charlotte and master Reece today. I call him Reeces Pieces cause he's cute enough to eat. We were walking around looking at clothes this afternoon, everything looked so cute that it made me want to have a baby. I saw these cute little booties, one foot said...50% mommy...and the other said...50% daddy...and then underneath said...100% ME! I did actually think of buying it and putting it away for later. I do have a baby bib that says...Made In America With British Parts...I brought that more than a year ago. I know, strange. And trust me, i'm not one of those girlies who'll get pregnant because they want a baby to love them or because they look cute. I know how much hard work having a baby is and i'm not ready for that yet, i'm still young and I wanna enjoy it just being Adam and I for a while. Of course, if it happens it happens but we're being real careful to see that it doesn't.

Shadi really makes me laugh, she has no babies, but she picked out this complete outfit for a baby girl. She didn't buy it, cause then guys will think she's crazy! lol! but she has names picked out...Sofia and Coco...I said to her that if I beat her to it i'll steal her names! lol! I won't but she's so easy to wind up!

I think Adams doing ok in Wisconsin, its starting to get cold so he's buying insulated work clothes and has to have some work done on his car to help it survive the winter. He's been through so much so young, but i'm so very proud of my future hubby. I honestly, don't know a better man than him and I'm so lucky that he's mine.        Who wants to come to a party in London? when Adam comes over i'll be so happy, we'll finally get to celebrate our engagment and of course all of jland is invited. Don't worry if you can't make the party...they'll be a wedding in 3yrs time. Gives you plenty of time to save up for a plane ticket and wedding gift! lol!

Well, i'm gonna go browse some journals. I hope everyone out there is doing well. So many recently have lost those they love, its such a horrible experience loosing someone you love. Esp if you didn't get the chance to tell or show them just how much they meant to you. But I know they're in the arms of God and they know love like none of us on earth have ever experienced. I pray that God helps you with your grief.

Tags: Adam, Babies

What is it with Americans and Seinfeld?

Wow, so much has happened since my last entry. I have no idea where to begin...I guess I should clarify that Adam and I aren't together yet. Still doing the trans-atlantic thing but we're still going strong. Recently, I've reached a whole new level of realisation. In that I've come to see just how much I mean to him and just how much he means to me. I often find myself falling deeper in love with him for so many different reasons, but he inspires me to be a better person, to be the person that i've longed to be.

I haven't visted any journals yet...sometimes life carries you away...I hope to. I want to check in on how everyones doing. I'm wishing all of you guys love and happiness.

Anyone ever been to Wisconsin? Its Adams new home, he left Florida a few weeks ago and headed North for work. He likes it up there but I feel further away from him than ever and not just cause its six hours difference rather than five. I guess its a feeling of not being a part of his life up there...but I'm dealing with it. Besides more money means he'll be able to come visit me again soon.

Adam is just the sweetest ever, saturday is our 3yr anniversary. He got me a stuffed animal, some sexy undies (more for him than me), white gold and sapphire earrings & and a much lusted after dooney & bourke purse. He knows me so well and I love him so much!

The Pics

I just don't know

Recently, I've had so many kind emails of concern. Folks wondering where I've disappeared to. Not only have I not updated but I haven't been commenting in any journals, that'd explain the 98 alerts in my inbox. Who thinks i'll actually get around to them? I think i'll just have to do it by the journals on my sidebar.

Nothings happened to me, least nothing bad. I've just taken a step back in journal land. Honestly, things aren't what they were for me and I find that there aren't many true and honest people in jland. For me it was never a popularity contest, but a place where I was able to share my thoughts and feelings. And get advice from some wonderful women and mothers. But for some people, they thought it ok to hurt others in order to make themselves popular. And despite never getting involved in jland disputes, people that I thought cared about me turned their backs on me. Well, i'm only 21. There's a life lesson to be had somewhere in here.

But I thought i'd update and share my good news. I really don't feel like posting it here since i'm sure not everyone who reads my journal wishes me well. But there are so many jlanders who I don't email or don't have valid AOL addresses and I wouldn't want to miss them.

April 21st Adam and I got engaged!

Well, I know, it was a long time coming. We did the whole committed relationship thing and then the promise ring thing, but now we're officially engaged to be married. And I couldn't be happier.

His proposal was very romantic and I wasn't quite expecting it. We were out at the beach, we had to walk a good 25 mins to get to this pier so we could fish. And whilst he spent most of the time complaining about his bait getting robbed, I spent my time resting having just been made to walk for so long. And preparing myself for the fact that i'd have to walk all that way back to the car.

Anyway, after a while we decided to take a walk and stop to let someone take a picture of us. Well, I thought Adam was showing the woman how to use the camera and putting it on the right setting for her. Really he was telling her he was about to propose and he wanted it captured on camera.

I was surprised. Happy. Shocked. Overwhelmed. But I think so was the woman taking the picture sinceshe was doing all the screaming and "oh my god" -ing for me! lol!

I said yes, of course and we're very much looking forward to getting married. Oh yeah and living in the same country! lol!

Pics to follow!

Shermeen xx

Blue Skies

 

I don't really suppose I have much to say, but I figure I should write in here more often. I've kinda disappeared from jland for a while, so much has changed here...i'm not sure i feel the same way i once did about it. but one thing that i'm thankful for is the wonderful people that i've met here. always willing to show kindess and support, you can search the whole world over and never find that.

today, i feel like the scales have fallen from my eyes about so many things. the world is so different to how it was on monday or even the majority of yesterday.

people aren't always what you expect, its only human to make mistakes, but somehow we don't think it'll happen. (shrugs) oh well.

This coming week is Easter vacation. I think they need to get one set date for Easter, much less confusing that way. I don't think we have any plans, but my little cousins are coming to stay which will be nice. And Nathan too. I think my mum likes having a full house. We'll be busting at the seams this weekend...kinda like me, but i'm not gonna do the whole weight loss thing in here...but it's nice having kids around. Reminds me of times long ago when I was once young.

Well...i'm gonna toddle off elsewhere. I hope all in jland are having a good week. For some reason I keep thinking today is Thursday!

 

The Pictures

 

Our beloved airport picture. Its our little tradition and I love it, I only just noticed that in 98% of our pictures together i'm always on the left of Adam. Its not intentional so I do wonder how it happens, perhaps we're just naturally confortable like that. Yes, that does happen to be a hickey on his neck but I stand by my statement that its accidental.

I think its just so beautiful out in Florida, natural and unspoilt. You'll have a hard time finding a view like this in London.

 

This next set of pictures Adam and I like to call;

See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil...Spank That Evil!

 

Florida

How terrible am I to still not have updated about Florida. Let's just say it was wonderful and I didn't want to leave, as always.

I did actually type out an entry but being the idiot I am, i did it in AOL and we all know what happens when you do that, we get booted off and away goes our entry.

Let's see, its about two weeks since I got back. Its getting slowly easier and I'm trying to make the most of being back home and getting on with things. But we all know where I'd much rather be!

When I arrived at the airport, believe it or not I was nervous about seeing him. Still after so many times. I always worry that he's not gonna like me anymore, which I know is silly but I think it. I worry i'll trip and make an idiot of myself. But I was also really excited, I was racing round the corners trying to make it to the exit so I could find him.

And there he was standing against the wall holding a bunch of flowers! I think my heart just about melted there and then and in true hollywood movie fashion, he lifted me up and span me around. And then suddenly I didn't feel so nervous.

We didn't really have too much time together since I was there for just under two weeks, but we had a great time. We went out to eat, went to the zoo, visited his family. It was nice. And I love hanging out with his mom. Both his neighbours have new puppys, so adorable and cute and they'd follow me as i'd walk around the yard, wanting me to play with them.

The time as always went by too fast and truly, I didn't get homesick once. Usually, if i'm staying for longer i'll get a little homesick once a month. But this time I wanted to stay forever, contemplated burning my passport so I could. But I knew I couldn't.

On my last day there Adam and I went by the store to say goodbye to two of his friends who work there. I thought, heck I need to waste these dollars I have left, so I bought two scratch cards, I won $16. Which went towards lunch and two bags of peanut M&Ms. Believe it or not, but peanut M&Ms taste much better in America than they do over here. Don't know what you guys are putting in them or what we're not, but there is a taste difference!

A few days before I left I went to walmart to get some gifts to take home. I love walmart, there's just so much choice. You guys have way more products than we do and its not fair!

Poor Adam had just got home from work and i'm certain he was tired, but he was a trooper and took me shopping. Of course, in true Adamus style he hated walking around the aisles. Esp the same aisle more than once, but i'm female and love to shop. And I did give him the option of sitting somewhere and i'd come find him later. But then what kind of bf/bodyguard would he be if he did that!

He's actually very good to me. On like my second day out there I got a throat infection, I think it was just because I was so run down. I hadn't had much sleep before I went to see him and late nights & early mornings tend to make me sick. My bodys way of saying I need to rest. But he's so good to me, he took care of me, made me drink plenty of ginger for my throat and before I knew it I was back to normal.

I guess, I'm gonna go. I'll add and entry after this one of just pictures. And i'll hopefully update again soon. I went out last night. Let's just say once we left the second club my boots came off because I couldn't walk anymore! But we had a blast and I didn't actually get in until about half 3 in the morning. But such a good night.

Happy St. Paddys Day to anyone who's IRISH!

Happy Birthday to Shadi!

Pondering

 

For the past five years I've been hearing about the special relationship between Britain and America and was almost fooled into believing that one existed and not just when America wanted something.

 

Does the fact that they gave us Madonna and in return we gave them The Beckhams not go to show, that neither country has that much love for the other?

 

The past few days i've been buried, literally, in information on immigration. Both from the US to the UK and from the UK to the US. If there is a special relationship between these two fine nations, its certainly buried under lot's of red tape. And I have to ask myself the question of why it's so difficult to legally immigrate to another country.

 

And it's not just me who's in this predicament. There are thousands of people regularly falling in love with someone who lives overseas. Fooled by the internet world of no borders, they quickly come to find that it's a harsh and very different reality when they want to take the final step and be together.

 

We all hear about men and women alike, duped by internet lovers for their money or a visa. But what of the people who are truly in love but can't find the best way of being together? Nobody ever tells their story. But that's my story. And not just mine, but lot's of other people's too.

 

I've never broken a law, i've just fallen in love. But because of where I was born or where Adam wasn't, we have to jump through hoops to be together.

 

Europe has pretty quickly become a continent without borders and it seems that every day we're hearing about illegal immigrants who come into the country and rape and murder innocent people. Or worse still, legal immigrants who had committed atrocious crimes in their own countries, but it was discovered after they'd done the same or worse here.

 

There's a notion of preserving what's "British" which many see as too little too late. For example, making immigrants take a test, much like America has had in place for years. Ensuring that they can speak English of a certain standard, something else the Americans had in place for years. And that they can support themselves well above the poverty level, can anyone else say America was there first!?

 

But what I wonder is why its so easy for someone who can't speak a word of English to move here, whilst your average American (granted they don't speak English very well either, rather some butchered version) who just wants to be with their love after 3 years of separation, has to jump through hoops. 

 

(sighs) i'm just rattling on to myself. I'll update soon about my visit to Florida. Its just, i'm highly emotional right now. What with it only being a week since I left and Aunt Flo visiting. I cry every time I think about it!

 

Love you ALL!

Just wanted to say, Best Of Luck to Katie Jane, she gets married in a matter of days. And Get Well Soon to Lisa.

 

Ps, I'm gonna turn my alerts back on tomorrow. Please leave me a link to your journal if you want to be on my alerts. Obviously, my regular reader won't need to bother as i'll already know to turn you on.

Back from Florida

I arrived back from Florida on Friday. Let's just say i'm broken hearted, but its to be expected. I didn't want to come home, but I never do. Lot's of tears at the airport. But before we got to the stage of tears there were lots of good and happy moments.

I'm gonna try and visit some journals right now, but i'll be back tomorrow with an update. Just wanted to let yall know I was home.

Love You Guys!

Dirty Rotten Trick

 

Ok, so I have to confess...I didn't cut my hair short...I wouldn't be that crazy, it'd take forever to grow back and its COLD here! I said it because I was playing a dirty rotten trick on Adam and there'd be no way he'd believe it if I didn't tell my trusted jland. But last night I confessed the truth to him because it seemed he was all twisted up over the thought of me cutting my hair off! lol!

I get a colour put in, it looks purple (its certainly purple hair dye all over my pillow) but it looks more like a deep red in my hair. I suppose its because of how my hair takes the colour. I would of love to put a brown in, but that'd involve stripping or bleaching my hair and the thought of damaging it freaked me out too much. But the colour shows up in pictures so next week i'll take some to post for yall.

 

Tonight I'm going out with charlotte. Reece has gone away for the night with his dad so i figured we'd hit the town. Its her first night with him away so its a big deal for her, i'm sure you moms remember the first time your eldest went to stay somewhere without you. I plan to stop her worrying by plying her with tequila...of course, if Adam asks we're being very responsible. But its just be ages since either one of us have been out, so we plan to get "fired up". No idea what is means, but our friend says it all the time and of course, she copied it from "Newlyweds". lol!

 

Its only a matter of days until i'm in Florida "aaah!!!" i'm so excited. I can't wait to see Adam again. But I don't have anymore to say about it than that.

I feel like we've reached this strange place in our relationship, I can't explain it. Its like, we've reached as far as we can reach being apart. I'm really eager for us to move onto a new phase in our relationship where we can actually be together. I'm hoping that we can do that at some point this year. Its just really tough. I'm not saying we won't survive another year apart, we could, but I want to have more of a relationship already.

 

Right now i've gotta clean the kitchen. I made my brother pancakes for breakfast this morning, made a bit of a mess which i've gotta clean up. Then i'm gonna go into town and get me a pair of shoes. I deserve it! lol!

But i'll be back again soon. I've going through the journals on my list one by one. I actually need to update that sidebar at some point.

 

I hope all of jland have a wonderful weekend. And remember to smile!!!!

Much Better!

 

It has been a good long while since i've updated. I just haven't really found the time. And I've recently turned off my alerts, I was getting too many and with me going away soon I figured it'd be best to just turn them off for a while. But I will still be stopping by journals when I can.

 

I'm super excited about seeing Adamus, it's been too long. And i'm eager to show him my new hair cut...let's just say its short...Halle Berry short! I would post pictures but then he'd see it and I want to surprise him! lol! But once he's seen it i'll send you guys some pics. I also got some colour put in, Lisa (formally, Warts & All) was so nice and gave me a bunch load of advice when it comes to colouring hair. Which I truly appreciate because I was worried about doing permanent damage to my hair! But I love the colour.

 

I'm feeling much better than I did in my last entry, but I sure do hate the way my emotions overtake me. I can't seem to control them, I just get very upset. Adam was puzzled by the fact that one day i'm crying my heart out not wanting to talk about it and the next i'm fine. I told him, you've no idea what it's like to be a woman, but soon enough you'll find out what it's like to live with this emotional one! lol! Bless. I'm so pleased he's really enjoying his job, which is rare cause usually work "sucks" but he doesn't complain as much about this one. He's working in a shipyard and hopefully over the next few days he'll be working on the boat. I think he said they were building navy ships, which I think is really cool.

 

I don't suppose I've anything to be overly sad about, things are just drifting along nicely. Guess I can't complain. Think I might take the fact that i've nothing to say as a cue to go read some of you guys journals.

 

Love Yall!

See Ya Stateside!

I don't really have a name for this entry

 

Its been a really long time since i've updated in journal land. I had over 100 alerts, I tried to catch up but failed miserably. The pressure to catch up just got to me and I deleted them all, I will try and read past entries when I visit your journals, but I hope yall can forgive me. If i'm missed anything vital, please email me and direct me to where you want me to read.

 

I'm not sure if it's just because its that special time of the month or if its because i'm so very stressed, maybe both, but i'm really having a hard time right now. Have to force myself to hold back the tears. It seems to just be constantly one thing or another. I'm forced to question why some people have it so much easier than others, why some of us have to work so much harder to have things that others take for granted?

 

I know there's always someone worse off and I know that there are thousands of people who would do anything to have what I have. But really, I try, I try every single day of my life to make the best decisions. Not only for myself but for those around me too.

 

I'm not terribly special and I don't doubt for a second that the best things in my life, that will ever be in my life, are my family and Adam. And I try to appreciate them every day and be thankful for the blessing of love that God has given me. I know what's important in life.

 

But it seems all over the world that there are those who struggle to get by financially and those who seem to have it all made. True, some people work damn hard to get what they have. But at the same time, I know people who've worked all their life any job they can find to put food on the table and keep a roof over their families head. People who are always kind and loving and funnily enough, ready to give what little they have to help others out.

 

Its generally believed that moneydoesn't bring you happiness, can't bring you love. Not sure if that's true or not. But I do know that you won't be happy for very long if you loose your home or if you can't afford to feed and clothe your children.

 

I don't come from a rich family. I don't know if i'd call us middle class, like so many others we live pay cheque to pay cheque and struggle to get by. I think perhaps if I lived in a two parent home, two incomes would make a great difference, but as it is we get by.

 

I suppose i'm just really frustrated with my financial circumstances right now. I'm studying two academic courses and working as many hours as they'll give me to pay for school. And help out my mum whenever and wherever possible. But it still isn't enough. I know when I get back from seeing Adam i'll have to get a second job. Maybe some bar work, something I can do in the evenings.

 

And before I get any hate mail like some jlanders do about using their money in wiser ways, Adam paid the majority of my ticket because we haven't seen each other in six months. I know that if it wasn't for him i'd be insane and would probably have fled the country and changed my name. Either that or i'd be doing something I really wouldn't want to be doing.

 

I guess i'm just really frustrated because so much pressure is being put on me by my journalism school to pay the fees and i went for lunch today with a girl on my course who's just decided to quit. £3,200 down the drain. But I don't suppose it matters to her because her parents paid for the course and they must obviously have the money to waste. Even if my mum had paid for the course, there's no way she'd let me quit. She sit in those classes with me and made sure I did the work. To some people, that might not be a lot of money, but to me it is. And it drives me crazy because I know if I don't pay it, I can be kicked off the course and made to pay anyway.

 

We've had two people in our class give up and leave and it frustrates me so much because I want to do this course more than anything, this is the career I want, but because of financial reasons I might not be able to do it. Its just terribly distressing.

 

This girl I was talking to today just seems to have no idea what the real world is about. She's never worked in her life, 23 and never worked! Ever since I started working at 17 i've been buying everything I need. Her parents give her money and do everything for her. I've known people like that and still do. People who've never had to work for anything because their parents give it to them. People who don't know how to do laundry or cook or how much work you need to do before you can afford a pair of jeans. Or how guilty you feel afterwards for spending money on something that you need but doesn't feed you or keep your lights on.

 

I don't know. It just seems to suck to me. I'm not saying I want things handed to me, because if that had been the case for me, I wouldn't be who I am today. I like that I know the meaning of hard work and what it's like to struggle. But all i'm asking for is that once in a while, someone somewhere cuts me a break.

 

Who knows, maybe i've offended Him upstairs, but right here, right now, i'm asking for His help.

 

(sighs) ok, that's enough of that stuff because I refuse to cry. don't care how many times I have to stop and start this entry, but i'm not gonna cry. And its for that reason that i'm not gonna tell jland how wonderful you guys are right now and how much i love you all. how much you mean to me. because i won't be able to stop the tears.

 

I do wanna thank you all for your well wishes for Adam on the job front. He had his interview and went in for his weld test and was offered a job. His first day is today so i'm eager to hear how it went. I hope the people are nice. Last night I felt somewhat like a mother taking her child to school for the first time because I was worried that the kids there might be mean to him. I told him to tell the teacher and mommy would sort it out. he just laughed. I hope he'll be happy working there. He'll be welding more, big yay! and he'll be earning more which goes better with his plans.

 

I hope all you guys are well, thanks for stopping by. you've no idea what it means to me. so many times you guys have brought me back from the edge.

Dreeeeeam, Dream, Dream, Dreeeeeam

 

Thought I'd update again.

 

Adam's job interview went well, he's going there on Tuesday to take a weld test. They basically just want to see his abilities, I tell him all the time that he's the best welder I know. Granted, I don't really know any other welders, but I know my baby is very talented. He might get a slight pay rise to what he's earning now which is always a plus.

Thanks to everyone who sent him good wishes.

 

It would seem that you all have differing opinions of mediums and whilst some of us are a little afraid, others openly embrace them. I most certainly do think that its a pretty cool gift to have though. Still, contacting the dead might freak me out a little. I like watching Ghost Whisperer, but I wouldn't want to be one.

 

Ok, I promise this will be the last thing I say about weddings for at least a week!

Ideally, I'd love to get married in Florida. If you've ever been there, you'll know why. It's just beautiful. And I'd only want my immediate family (as in parents and siblings) and closest friends to be there. And flying out to Florida is one way of ensuring that! But small and intimate is just more my speed. It'd just be so afraid of insulting someone if I got married here and didn't invite them. Trust me, I wouldn't want to spend 10,000 on a wedding. I'd make the cake myself or get my friends mum to do it. And take a course in flower arranging and just do as much myself as possible.

 

Lisa (warts & all) asks whether i'll be moving or Adam will be moving. Well, he's trying to move over here for a little while. Its not easy, but he wants to experience living in another country. And also, i'm not ready to leave my family just yet. But ultimately, we hope to live in Florida in the not so distant future. I'm sure i'll get used to mosquitos.

 

The other night I had this dream, highly confusing so I can't really explain it all, but it scared me. Really scared me, to the point that it woke me up and just freaked me out about being home alone. Out alone. Or awake whilst everyone else is sleeping. guess who sleeps with a bat under her bed now!

 

Well, in this dream two things stuck out, so I looked them up in a dream book that my mum has. I don't know much about dreams but i thought i'd share.

First part involved Adam (though it wasn't Adam, if you get what I mean) asking me to marry him and showing me a selection of engagement rings (crap, i said no more about weddings). Which in itself isn't that important but later there was a riot of kinds and my first priority was to save the ring, even over saving my little brother who might have been in the riot. So i looked up rings.

 

A ring appearing in a dream usually signifies a relationship of some sort. A wedding ring suggests a union and a promise. A ring belonging to the family would represent old traditions and values. An engagement ring suggests a more tentative promise of devotion. An eternity ring would be a long-term promise. A signet ring would indicate setting the seal on something. A bull ring suggests and element of cruelty.

We all need some kind of continuity in our lives, something which gives a sense of long-term comfort. A ring holds this symbolism because it is never-ending and is self-perpetuating.

Like the circle, the ring signifies eternity and divinity. The Whole.

 

 

The second part that stuck out involved being chased by a crazy person with long knives and I was trying to run home before he saw me and attacked me. So I looked up being chased.

 

Dreaming of being chased or of trying to escape is perhaps one of the most common dreams; usually we are trying to escape responsibility, our own sense of failure, fear or emotions we can't handle.

 

Then I looked up knives and swords.

 

A cutting instrument in a dream usually signifies some kind of division. If we are using a knife we may either be freeing ourselves or trying to sever a relationship. If we are being attacked with a knife, it indicates either violent words or actions may be used against us. In a woman's dream this is probably more to do with her own dear of penetration and violation, whereas in a man's dream it is highlighting his own aggression.

It can be important in a dream about a knife to notice what type is being used. For instance, a table knife would be interpreted very differently to a swiss army knife. Both are functional, but the former would only be appropriate under certain circumstances, whereas the latter might have a more universal application.

A symbol of division. Possibly a 'joy division' in the spiritual sense. That is, although we are on our way to achieving what we want at this time, it is not making us particularly happy, sp there is confusion as to which road we should have taken.

 

The sword in dreams invariably suggests a weapon of power. We may have the ability to create power and use energy properly through our beliefs.

The sword symbolises justice and courage as well as strength. For the image of a sword to appear in a dream indicates there is an element of the warrior in us, and that we are prepared to fight for our beliefs.

Spiritually, the sword signifies the power of authority and protection. In dreams to be given a sword signifies that we have the protection of the sacred. We are able to make our own decisions.

 

 

Sorry for all that long stuff. I think I can take little bits of what was said and relate it back to my life. I think that often dreams are really powerful in the sense that they can convey to us what we're feeling and trying to suppress.

 

Ok, I'm whittering on. I don't suppose I've a whole lot of stuff going on. I'll be in Florida in about a month, which I am looking forward to. Everytime I visit Adam I wish I could hop a plane to Kansas or Ohio to visit Terry Ann or Lisa Jo. I dont think I'd ever have to travel North to see Lisa (warts and all) because she'd much rather visit the UK.

 

I think i'm having trouble with my kodak software because it hasn't been letting me transfer pics to my comp. But I updated a whole load of stuff yesterday so if it works now i'll take pictures of where I live and show you guys. I love looking at pictures and seeing the US, gives me an overwhelming longing.

 

Have a great weekend guys.

 

ER starts in 15mins

 

 

Its been a while since i've updated. I've taken 76 alerts down to 12 in the past hour or so, but I think i'll save the rest for tomorrow.

 

Things have been pretty quiet and boring here recently. Just crappy weather and crappy work and school. nothing great. But I am looking forward to next month and seeing Adam. Having something to look forward to makes all the difference.

 

My sweet love had himself a job interview this morning. I won't know how it went until he gets home tonight, but i'm hoping he has some good news. Things are really stressed for him right now and he's panicked about moving out, trying to move over here. At the moment he's just not being paid what he should be and he's not actually getting to do what he's trained to do. He's gone to school, paid a fortune, to become a certified welder but the company he's with right now isn't letting him do much welding. So today he's gone for an interview with another company and if they're able to pay him more, he'll be changing jobs. I know its really want he wants, he's been talking about it long enough, so i'm hoping it all went well.

 

Today I stayed home. My mum had a psychic? fortune teller? i'm not sure what they're called, come around. And I was in charge of staying home whilst about 14 of her friends came around to contact loved ones on the other side and get a peak into their future.

 

I don't mean to sound sceptical because I'm not. I do believe that some people have gifts and clearly this woman does. I'm not sure how karma works when you're charging people so much, about $70. 

But I dont think i'd ever see a mystic. I don't think I'm at that point in my life where i'd need to. I'm only 21 and honestly, my life has barely begun.

 

I'm partly worried about what might be said, I won't pretend that i'm not. But I think, sometimes being told something might/will happen in the future can change so much in the present. I don't think I'd want to peak into my future, but just enjoy it as it happens.

 

Have any of you ever seen a psychic, would you?

 

Apparently, she told my mum that she sees a move to America in my future. Well, I could of told her that for nothing.

 

In my last entry I was talking about weddings. I'd love to get married in Florida, it's so beautiful there. But i'm not sure if my immediate family and friends could afford flying out there, if they could, then I most certainly would.

 

I don't suppose that weddings really need to be expensive and I don't suppose Adam and I will be able to afford anything lavish. I do worry about the amount of people, family, that will have to be invited. I wonder if we'd be able to cut our guest list down without offending anyone! There are two things that i've already decided that I wouldn't want to scrimp on, that's the venue and the photographs.

 

I suppose I won't be getting married for a while yet so I have some time to think about it and plan it and such. I truly love weddings, I love to see people declaring their love for one another, i'm a die hard romantic.

 

Lisa (warts and all) suggested eloping. Whilst it would be wonderful to get married on a beach in Hawaii, Adam and I did consider it, I wouldn't want to get married without my family there. Its really important to me. I want them there, I want them to be involved.

I'm really a very family orientated person.

 

I suppose i've gone on for long enough. There's a jland birthday coming up soon, someone very important to me. I won't say who they are just yet in case they're trying to keep it under wraps. I forgot to send out a birthday card and it'll never make it there now, mind i'm not sure if my xmas card made it there or not.

 

And I want to thank Gem who sent me a wonderful New Years card and a letter which just touched my heart so deeply.

 

Jland is a beautiful place. Such beautiful people inside and out. Thank you all for your kindness and support. Love you guys.

 

 

Oh Yeah Baby!!!

 

Oh Yeah Baby! Shag Me!

I'm giddy with excitment (and a wee bit of alcohol) right now, so you'll have to forgive the whole Austin Powers thing.

I just booked my ticket to Florida. I did it online cause it was so much cheaper, and I probably only did it today because I was tipsy (yeah right, drunk!) but you only live once. And I thought, screw whatever comes up, I miss my baby!

So next month I'll be in Florida.

Hopefully Adam will have a little time off so we can go places together. We really wanna go to St Augustine because its so pretty there and maybe GA but we'll have to wait and see.

And perhaps i'll get to meet some jlanders who live in Florida. That'll be nice. If you'd like to meet, let me know!

After my boredom entry yesterday I've realised I need to make my own fun. One thing I really enjoy doing but don't get to do much anymore is baking. I just love it and I love getting creative with icing. So i'm taking up baking again.

One thing I left off my list of ideal jobs to try was being a baker. I'd love to create cakes for weddings and christenings and just any other special day.

One day I want to take a course in baking and icing cakes. I'd love to make my own wedding cake, that'll take a lot of practise. But these days, it could be possible.

I'm not sure, at the moment its quite popular to go with lots of little fairy cakes to serve to guests and just one small cake which you can cut or keep for your 1st anniversary.

I've already chosen what type of cake topper I want for Adam and I.  Traditionally people go with the bride and groom figures, but you can get really nice initial cake toppers. Just an intertwined A&S with crystal detailing.

Yes, I have been buying wedding magazines. Yes, I am looking forward to getting married, everything but the expense of it anyway.

Do you know people spend, on average at least £10,000 on their wedding. I couldn't believe it at first, but some venues charge up to £3,000 for the day and that doesn't include food or drink!

Everyone who comes to our wedding better like a buffet cause there's no way we could afford at sit-down, silver service wedding lunch. And they'd better bring their wallets if they wanna drink!

You know, i've gotten carried away. I blame the Rose on an empty stomach. But I didn't at all get drunk yesterday, so I should be allowed today!

Just wanted to let yall know that next month, i'll be getting busy. Goodbye Ann Summers and her Rabbit, hello Florida Sunshine and Florida Lovin'

 

Hump Day Friday

 

I'm bored.

Its Friday night and i'm home alone.

I'm all of our alerts and i'm tired of school work.

I wonder how many liqueur filled chocolates i'd have to eat before I started feeling any kind of buzzing effect. I'm all out of my Christmas alcohol. I think I have one bottle of Rolling Rock left and a bottle of Asti Martini. I'm saving the Asti for something a little more special than boredom and one RR isn't gonna get me very far.

I remember once when I was in FL with Adam's family we went to the teenage Sunday school service before Church. They were talking about alcohol and why people drink. I felt like such an alien and/or alcoholic when everyones answered resembled; "people drink to escape their problems" (that one might be true in my current case, i'm bored, that's my problem), "people drink to be popular", "people drink because they can't say no", "people drink because they're alcoholics". On my sheet, I pretty much had; "people drink because they like it...because they want to...because it tastes nice".

I know sometimes, a nice rosé can turn a crappy around, least for me.

I didn't share my answers with the rest of the class. I wouldn't at all say I have a drinking problem, I do think lot's of young people do though. Its called binge drinking, just getting as drunk as you can, as quick as you can. Perhaps when I was 17 I could have fit into that category (17 was my wild child years).

Now, well I don't go out as much. And I don't drink to get drunk. It can help you unwind and loosen up, but i'm always aware that it can make you do things you really shouldn't do. And i'm aware of how vunerable i'm making myself when i drink.

Still, I don't think i'd be opposed to being a little tipsy right now whilst spinning around on the dancefloor in killer heels, singing loudly to whatever the DJ is playing.

So my Friday night will consist of...(insert silence)...exactly this. At least until Adam gets home. So Friday starts my series of Hump Days, I just need to get over the weekend and back to the week days. Weekends I have no life, at least on the week days I have work! (holds head in hands in despair) What has my life come to!

 

If you get numerous alerts from me tonight, forgive me, yes things are that bad!

Shopping High

 

What is it with kid brothers, no matter what I seem to make for dinner he always smothers it in tomato ketchup, what's that about!? You can't even taste the food!

 

I thought i'd update because its been maybe a day or so and I wanna stay in the habit. Recently i've been pottering around Public Thoughts, not really doing much, wondering how I'd feel about making it Public again. You see, i'm torn. It does contain so much of me, but I feel like i need to move on from who I was there. I made so many mistakes there and right now i'm all about fresh starts. history vs fresh start. Then of course there's the fact that i had readers I didn't know about and who I couldn't alert to my change of venue. That's a plus and a minus. Whilst i'd welcome many of my other readers back with open arms, there are people who know about Public Thoughts who I don't want reading my personal thoughts. And for now, they don't know about Sherms In The Middle.

 

Adam doesn't know about this journal yet. He's not very active on AOL at the moment, no time I suppose. And i'm not keeping it secret from him or anything, I'm just not ready for real life readers just yet. I don't know, I don't suppose i'm making much sense so i'll move on some.

 

Good news, my boss said it was fine for my friend and I to switch shifts! YAY!!! So in actual fact, there's nothing stopping me from seeing Adam. Except of course, getting all the money together! lol! It'd be good to see him again because i'm awful lonely and its been about 5 months! Can you imagine, 5 months without the one you love? 5 months of not showing the one you love how much you love them, yes we all know what I'm talking about. But 5 months is a long time by most people's standards.

 

I went to the travel agents to look at flights today and i looked online. Guess what, the cheapest flight involves flying with Delta through Atlanta. Yes, they are the airline that lost my luggage. Yes, that is the same airport. yes they did take 6 months to issue me a partial refund. think I should risk flying with them to save about $100?

 

One of my biggest temptations at the moment besides cookies and chips...clothes! Oh boy, I spent about an hour last night on asos.com looking at all the clothes. Oh my gosh! SO many things I wanted to buy, but I couldn't. Gotta save, not spend. I haven't replaced my wardrobe since the airline mishap and I need to. I tried on some jeans today which I loved, skinny black denim and my usual size...UK 14...fit me just fine. Wanted them, but they were £36.99 and I just can't afford it. But I love the buzz of spending, honestly, if i'd of had the cash i'd of bought them and returned them the next day. without wearing them of course. recently i've been buying clothes only to return them once the spending drug has worn off. but buying them on my card means i have to wait a few days for the refund to go back. I don't know what's wrong with me, most normal people buy things and keep them whether they feel guilty or not. but i just can't afford it. so i get the thrill from buying new things and then i return them. weird, i know.

 

Ok, time for me to go. I've got Adam on the phone and he's not a happy bunny right now. He's waging a one man war against Bank of America.

 

Love you all!!!

 

All's Right In The World Of Sherms

 

I apologised.

He apologised.

I apologised again.

He apologised again.

 

Both of us wanting to take the blame for the situation.

 

He regretted the way he spoke to me.

I regretted the things I said.

 

He said he shouldn't have spoken to me like that.

And I said he wouldn't have if I didn't make him so mad.

 

And we went on like that for a while, each one of us wanting to take the blame.

 

Apparently he felt bad as soon as he hung up the phone and like me had a pretty crap day until we were able to talk and sort everything out.

 

I really hate falling out with him, I feel like my whole world is falling apart and I just feel so alone.

 

But we're never really mad at each other for long periods of time.

 

Sometimes when you're in the moment you just can't see anything else but how mad and hurt you are, but when you step out of it you realise how stupid the situation was.

 

***~***~***~***

 

Yesterday was a pretty quiet day for me. I've a lot of school work to get through because this is exam season and I really need to work on my shorthand speed. I've really enjoyed learning it, but its going to be no good to me if i don't have the speed. So its all about practise.

 

I'm back to work tomorrow and its a pretty big day for us so i'll have to paint a smile on my face all day long. Usually i'm pretty happy at work, just so long as I don't have a stupid customer. Many of you said that if you worked in retail you might just loose it and give back to a customer just as well as they give. Ugh, you've no idea, sometimes I really do get the urge but I just have to walk away and hand the situation to a manager. Though sometimes I just smile sweetly and talk ever so nice and soft, i find that on the right customer, niceties in the face of rudeness really pisses them off.

 

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much!

 

There are so many jobs that i'd love to have. To just experience. I'd love to be an airline stewardess (I think that's what they're called now), to travel is a dream. There are so many places to see. And they always look so glamorous, I love it. I know its hard work too, but I have to deal with difficult customers now, might as well be getting paid much more for it and get to see a bit of the world.

 

I'd also love to be a Crime Scene Investigator, yes, I got bit by the CSI bug. I think its so amazingly interesting, how they trace DNA and can take some tyre tracks and trace them back to a car and owner. I know in real life its not exactly like the show, but I'd still love to try it.

 

I don't know, I think most of us would change our career if only for a month. Just to try something different, something that you've always dreamed of doing before the real world took your life in a different direction.

 

Well, i've gotta get back to studying and cleaning. there are dishes down there with my name on them!

 

Love ya